I've been meaning to blog. but it seems a head filled with a myriad of memories is harder to work with, compared to an empty, bored striken mind, in coming up with an entry.

in the meantime, thank you for dropping by. I wished you guys commented on the haloscan though, much easier for me to reply to entry related comments... : )

till i find a way!
Pahlawan Putih

Death

im constantly relating exams to death. Im serious most of the times. Right now, im feeling as horrible as i can been. Waiting for me, soaking the boiling heat and msg, is my last supper (hoho), cup noodles.

I usually have moods to study. And normally it comes with the realisation and panic of a nearing exam date. Unfortunately, that panic hasnt arrived yet. This is serious considering i have two exams tomorrow. I am going to regret this. And i know its retribution. Hell.

Well, good night dear friends, whom are not haunted, with the chill of failure piercing through your bones as you lay, undaunted, safe, and secure, eyelids unstrained, in wait for the sandman, in you examless period.

Slit my throat, to let the answers flow freely, like cascading waterfalls
Pahlawan Putih

Bollywoo dish

Yes, i noticed that i've been down with the bolly folly. (No i havent been doing foolish things, i just needed a word to rhyme with bolly)

This template. The song. The videos. Showing up school in a kurta.

Its the awakening of my indian genes. Which also explains the rapid proliferation of my facial hair, which is starting to annoy. Anyway, its time to cerish your kedai mama, count your blessings and packets of habhals curry powder, and celebrate the inner indian in you. I mean its just right, were are all (together with our culture) merely distant descendents of them.
So remember, the next time you mock an indian individual, for whatever shallow reason(s), you are just mocking a part yourself. There is no such thing as racial superiority, save your condescension tendencies.

At this point, i would like to apologise for the delayed, trackback posts. Last Wednesday happened to be quite an eventful day, 3 events back to back, and so this post will also be about that last wednesday. and dont worry, its like a mobius strip, i will relate back to the title.

It starts out with Health and Wellness revision. Always dry and far too general. 'Hints' were just titles of the topics we already know we need to study. Then came gushing in, like the cool irrigated water spilling into sun drenched paddy fields; through ushering flood gates, elation, in its purest form, from the deepest darkest corner of my mind.
Finally i could believe in myself again, as all that hard work and whining (thanks guys for the listening ear/being online in msn) paid off. I got an A for my two of my individual reports, after a D plus disaster. (Get it.. D + disaster?... nvm)


I even took a picture.
If all fails i might just be a health columnist. hoho..

After which, i had Ili's production. Remember i was blogging about having to wait? yeah.. that one.

I was a talent, playing one of four Bollywood Idol hopefuls in that episode.
The story is basically a parody of American Idol, though making a spoof of Singapore Idol would have been much funnier. Levitating around that concept, i played a Singaporean guy who plays the violin (a guitar and broomstick), song clip extracted from Mohabbatein, and doesnt even sing but makes it to the next round.
Mere naam? Sarokh Kan.


Just a posed shot


Caca as Ashwire Dye, Ili as Mas Idayu/hitler/female lead, Me as Sarokh Kan and Farhaanah as Karishmama Kaypoh.


and all this lime light, its just not my scene.

hohoh
anyway, how many anyways already. Today's test was very much a killer. Would have been less toturing to go through a by-pass sugery without anesthesia. Usually, i dont have a system but desperate times calls for desperate measures, noh?
I allocated 15mins for the 4 short question and 30mins each for the 4 long ones. = 3hours.

The Invigilator was quite distracting, and it was unfortunate (for me) to have gotten a seat at the borders of the teacher's menacingly white galvanised table, as he rocked himself from side to side while he stood, eyes roving trying hard to mimic the skilled gaze of the eagle. Unlike a mother's cradle, his annoying swaying was rough, each jerk almost seemed spasmodic. He kept rocking, probably to 'mask' his nervousness, for quite a while that i had to bend low, till my nose touched the hard test paper (pun intended). How i wish my attention could have been put to better use.

16 more chapters of hell
Pahlawan Putih

FINALLY!!



Yes, unfortunately this is an indication i have been finding it hard to study

Hither, Thither
Pahlawan Putih

Insignificant Confessions?

I did not mention this but i managed to get the tickets to that play after all. Maybe if one stops pining for an object, be it inanimate or not, one might just start to aqquire it. Thus i sash myself with pessimism, to ensure i dont get drunk on dreams - that will never materialise, the more i visualise them. A way, i suspect, He Almighty keeps me grounded.

Back to the play. I'm not sure whether i was just being cynical (abit unusual for a guy my age), blinded by traditional customs - that somehow managed to transform into expectations, suffocated by lethargy from events prior to the play - inhibiting respiration of the intellectual kind, OR just me being plain art illiterate (God forbid).

Or maybe... maybe it was the heavily decorated words imprinted in respective websites aimed to promote sales for this play. Maybe it heighten the anticipation of a performance way up there; not a cloud lower.
Maybe it was the overpriced tickets, that promised far from what was delivered.
Maybe it was that auntie, a few rows infront, fumbling with a plastic bag, emitting distinctively annoying cracking noises, to munch on something like she probably was allowed to; back then during kachang puteh and opera days.
Maybe it was the guy beside me that answered a call. Distracting was the light that beamed aimlessly from his screen and keypad, and the way he refused to just hang up.

Imagine this. Go out on a date with a guy/girl(whichever applicable). Did a lot of things, the bill was tiny bit long, but was happy, smiled a bit, laughed a bit and at the end of the day, you just cant conclude whether you fell in love/had sparks/flew off with him/her. Uncertain. Like it was just another dream, nights that were presented in repetitive fashion, slots to fill with wonderous jargon and the ocassional nightmares

However, such efforts must be commended. All the three actors were more or less shapeshifters on stage, but i favoured Benjamin Ng, as he was very entertaining, and more importantly, very natural with the characters he was tasked to perform.

The same man who rudely answered his phone during a performance, said to his wife "it was so fast, that you couldnt really tell which play was written by whom". And i sorta agree, although i understood that there had to be a flow to tie the whole performance together.

The ones that really made an impact?

My bird sing can sing louder than yours (not sure. well it was about birds). Very metaphorical, but lacked substance. Was simply hilarious.

Conveyor belt love(?). Using sushi, and the conveyor belt it is served on, as metaphor is genius. Also to play with picky and (un)opportinistic characters was very creative.

Who wants to marry Ah Seng (i think), it was a monologue, it was light, funny and interesting. How one chooses to refrain from marriage as one sees one's self as a burden, as something incapable of attracting happiness.

The one that stood out was the one of three men with lack of self confidence. Very powerful. Got me moved through the naked truth of reality presented. The words still echo in my ear cavities. Its resonating message almost too familiar in my mind.

"You chose me because i am real, not like those with steroids...(i forgot the good bits)"

"It is nature, you have to be born with it..."

Because... i am shy and it restrains any first step.
Pahlawan Putih

Soon

You guys would have probably found out. I wasnt soon enough.

Yes, the group from the February 4th post manage to leave Woodlands Community library un-emptyhanded.
Most Creative Group. heh. We were aiming for it actually, seeing that none of us were the pantun types. (And that other schools were). So we practiced hard.
Set out to make an impression. 'tuk tampilkan jati kami.
ouh, and it was OUR win. =P

The day itself was a funny one. Last minute plans to catch the finals, also because one representative had to be present to collect out certificates, and supposedly to study after that.
How many times have you heard that one?
How many times have you lugged your notes and end up too tired that you just dont?


We didnt see that did we? (hohoho)

Picture of the Pesta Pantun 2006 Finals

I just realised, when resizing the picture, that the time projected tally to the respective schools order of win (MI: 2nd, YJC:1st, TPJC:3rd). Cool nah?
Its a SIGN.

Anyway, the guys from PBMUKS were really nice to be, somehow or another, supporting us. Their supportive stares were like banners imprinted with our initials, their encouraging whispers only audible through the translation of moving lips, their occasional bursts of voice coloured with cheers camouflaged as the audience to sustain anonymity. All which undoubtedly provided us with much needed moral support, like a high chair to a hungry 1 year old at macdonalds.


I guess 'soon' could mean a few seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks or months? in this case, it's 19 days. Heh, my apologies.

Pictures from Ili's Birtday outing.

8 scoop earthquake is it? Definately a treat. Should go again.


hamba, lily, cipah, nana


this one's a laugh


unintentional order

Artistiko shots

Symmetry?


Lights.


Bustle


And to end the day with a touch of humour

Ah... sentimentalized
Pahlawan Putih

Waiting

Here i am, waiting, in the school library. Waiting for 2 o'clock, when ili's production will start. Anyway, since the production circles around a bollywood theme, i shall occupy myself with indian youtube.com clips.
heh, the one's at ridjal's gave me the idea. (Oh, welcome back brudder...)

Well, here are some of my facourites (They all are nice songs to begin with)

Chaiya Chaiya from Dil Se.

Nimbooda
From Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam.

My Favouritest (if there's such a word in the first place)...
Radha Kaise Na Jale
Isn't it just adorable when a girl is jealous?

Unfortunately Kahe Chhed Mohe from Devdas cant be found, and i am painstakingly dowloading it (at home) with a series of Busy hosts, Needs more sources and bad connections with an average transfer rate of 1kb/s. Painstaking i say.

Islihe Radha Jale?
Pahlawan Putih

Challenge

never do. I will take it up.

First I must clarify to whom it may concern that this blog is just another form of my voice. another pitch. another song. But the source is still the same.
White pixels in the screen, it stands out from the black background. It stands out from my inability to public speaking, and my introvert(ed) nature. This is not where i run to, but where i organize my thoughts. To form an understanding. to form a conclusion.

Secondly i am no (typical) warrior, just one who pales in face of a opportunity (as if it wasnt mention clearly already). Thus, Pahlawan Putih. it translates to cowardice, fear and anxiety. All of which i have no discomfort in confessing.

All that i have typed into my phone, and send it off in the form of radiation, i mean(t) it. Refreshingly true, dont you think?
And yes, i was sane at that/this point of time.
No form of anger impaired my judgement.
No form of sorrow intoxicated my opinions.

It is sad, more than anything
To think it was all a play
Acting at its best
To make everyone turn against
So that you have them
in your hands

Go leave your scent on trees
to mark your territories
You have always been self centred
axis of the world being your ideologies

If it could not have been
why are you still broding
if it was not meant to be
why waste time killing me
and so softly
so softly

There's nothing wrong
with being who you are
unless you're strong
which i dont think you are

Maybe reality is too painful
like a thorn that hooks the skin

bleeding a potful, a potful
to offer the spirits within
tearing a potful, a potful
to quench the sorrow within

Talk to me so i understand. Its more confusing when words escape from the lips of others, and i am left to piece it up myself.

----------------------

I've edited my last post. I challenge anyone who can decipher it. Challenge anyone who can swim through the mass of sarcasm to identify who it is directed to.
A clue; think general more than specific.

No Hajar, you're inaccurate. =)

Why Ketam/crab? other than this epidermic resembling cancer, it was said that:
Humans are like crabs. When one is close to freedom from the glass walls of chili crab doom, the others will pull it back in, selfish, unable to witness somebody else succeed.

Lantas pentas luas cemas, pantas dilemas
paras rentas batas puas dilandas nahas
kelupas kapas menghias tegas bekas asas
syabas! pemalas tewas, mengimbas nafas

mana peluang?
sudah di tangan orang...
sudah menghalang

hanya melukut di tepi gantang
Pahlawan Putih

Keangkuhan Ketam

hirupan air takkan dinginkan
embun pagi hanya mampu seketika
hembusan bulan takkan redakan
pawana tergantung di dalam dada

apa guna berdebatan tentang kemajuan
bila perkembangan dihalang keangkuhan
adakah guna betulkan jalan
bila sendiri condong sebelahan

mereka kata majukan budaya
mereka juga yang menghindar kita

ibarat ketam, kering di tangki
dendam digenggam, masak disalut cili
bila mencium kebebasan diri
diseret balik ke dalam realiti

ibarat benih di belantara
nak tumbuh dalam sengsara
senyuman suria takkan sampainya
kerana sudah yang menatangnya

Ahai, andai mereka sedari
walau bukan niat di hati
tetap menjadi berduri
menyangkut kita dari berseri
(menyimpan peluang untuk sendiri)

Dengki masih bermaharajalela
dijunjung atas hujung takhta
andai nyawamu sudah tiada
takkan ilmu dibawa bersama?

Bukan lumrahku merahnya mata
bukan diacu pada si pembaca
mungkin kerna sifat berbeza
ku bak semalu kuncup diraba

Hati lebih senang tercedera
kerana tajam melihat penyelarasannya
kerana luka melemah segala-galanya
pantas tersinggung begitu sahaja

Its funny how God brings you back to earth when you least expect it.

I hate you and your kind. you selfish bastards. Disguised as our reference, you keep us from excelling beyond you..
All form of opportunity for yourself. none for us

sharpen your third eye
Pahlawan Putih

Reward myself

Theres no reward, like self reward.
And my rewards more often than not from Starbucks (they should give out loyalty discounts).
Either Lemon Citron tart or Caramel Frappe.
Costly and heavenly.

Anyway, this time i am rewarding myself for my good marks for arts appreciation.
We had to do a production, my team mates being Angel and Audrey. It was a mildly funny script and the lack of manpower meant i had to do double roles.

Excerpts...

Prince & the Damsel.
D: But i...i cant leave... i belong here. And my father, he does not approve.

P: Come with me my love, you know i cant leave/live without you. Deny thy father and thy name! Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and i'll no longer be a Montague..

D: but.. is love tender? It's too rough, too rude, too boisterous and it pricks like a thorn


Agent Smith (Talking to a projected image of Neo)
AS: Do you hear that? It is the sound of inevitablity, it is the sound of your death. Goodbye Mr Anderson.

The 10 min play was basically about 2 school playwrights that had different interests, one love stories, the other mystery and thrillers, and were arguing on what to write, played by Angel and Audrey. I was playing the cast of what they were suggesting. The original script required Macbeth to be one of the suggested play but i found it too difficult to understand why there was an imaginary knife, which could be pulled out of his imagination, that lead Macbeth to Duncan.

So anyway, apparently i managed to get the highest in class with an indivdual score of 8/10 and 15/20 for the group production. 23/30. not too bad. hopefully will pull my grade since i nearly flunk for artist study. hoho.

After the tutorial, we went to lecture and got a gist of Cirque du Solei, ppt presentation and a vcd. I just love the way my lecturer, lectures with a twinkle of excitement in her eyes. Like forever in awe, also infecting the sense of amazement with art forms she cover in her refreshing lectures.
I also enjoyed uncovering the story behind Cirque du Solei. From humble beginings, then a noble form of 'returning' back to society. And their art form proves that body language speaks louder that words.

Anway, i have my blessing to count. One of which would prolly be the presidency. It has opened so many doors. Did i tell about the marks i got for comm skills meeting role play? 17/20, highest also. hohoh.

if only my written exams were just as good. :P
Pahlawan Putih

Penatnya berima

Sunday.
After close to no deliberation at all, Me, Hajar and Nadia decided to go for the last prelimenary pantun round, which happened to also be the announcing of the 6 semi-finalist.

Managed to catch Victoria Junior College, Pioneer Junior College and Singapore Poly in action. None managed to move on to semi-finals, a pity for VJC that were quite good. Of all 9 teams that i managed to catch, i was routing for Pioneer and Innova JC. See, i have a soft spot for the underdogs, both were good and entertaining for that matter.

I noticed a common trait among the Madrasah Wak Tanjong and Singapore Poly teams, agressive, rude, mencabar, threathening, with a tinge of boastfulness. I guess the no. of their supporters got to their heads, or it was just their nature.
Pantuns are like friendly matches. To carry sarcasm but in the most indirect, non-personal form. To be the subtlest form of advice. Basically beautiful and easy to digest.

Republic polytechnic, who were in the same prelimanary round as us, managed to advance to semi-finals and i must say they were the most friendly bunch who werent shy to shake hands before and after our head-on collisions. They were also kind enought to represent all the polytechnics in sg for this competition. Baik RP!


My response to the unexpected attention from Saturday:
What... so now girls dig the Seniman Melayu look? hahaha... it tickles me.


Say no to paparazzi. hoho

I heard alot lah. Fyi: None of which did make my head bigger.
Judge taking my photo, people saying "Dektu blah blah blah...", admirers from JJC. All hearsay of course, thus i still question its accuracy. hohoh

I fell in like with someone. I dedicate the previous entry and my blog song to her. Unfotunately, all of life's wants come with a twist at the end. Unmistakebly, she's already taken. Unusually it takes me shorter than usual to get over it. I hate grasping an understanding of things that happen. Its quite anti-climaxy. I am very close to giving up. will not fall in like again. well, will try to.

her moves, intoxicating...
Pahlawn Putih

maaltii gu.ndhaa'e kaisii pyaarii ghuu.nghar bhare
mukh daaminii sii damakat

chaal matwaarii, chaal matwaarii
chaal matwaarii...

How lovely are her curls, filled with braided jasmine;
her face is brilliant as lightning;

her movements intoxicating, her movements intoxicating
her movements intoxicating...

Rhyming drains

I just woke up a couple of minutes ago. from my recuperation nap. We were all so tired after the competition that we all just wanted to sleep. well so i did. pardon the lack of intellectual puns. my brain might just still be sleeping.

Saya, Hajar dan Raudah


Our rehearsed intro.


ala melayu nya


Going down to business


We were the only team who decide to do without our school blazers as it is so unmelayu to do so. Our only form of uniformity are the roses we donned. 3 $1.50 clenched-fist-size roses.

Ditanamkan tebu di hujung lidah
Agar bahasa manis berbunga
Ditanamkan bangsa di bumi rata
Agar bermekar seni budaya

Masih mentah dalam gelanggang ini
Masih segan menjunjung seni
Tiga sekawan dari TEMASEK POLY
Harap semua terhibur hati

Our intro. I think we really did manage to hibur hati or entertain the audience. with 2 kerat pantuns like... (the task was to talk thru poetry. a scenario would be given. mine was chopping onions)

terasa pedas kerana lada
bawang memang penawar lara

and

sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga
merahnya bawang kerana cinta

and

kupas kulit kupas kupas
kupas kulit biar terlepas

Hahahaha.. i must brush up on spontan and borak borak pantun. The audience was complaining of a sore stomach after all the laughing. For those who came down, Kak Ida, Nadia, Dessy, Nadia, Shikin and those who were supporting us, my warmest graditude. Your presence diminished a bit of our fright.

All and all another experience (to cerish).

Mukin dah tak seputih dulu
Pahlawan Putih

Watan

Today is the day i participate in the malay poetry competition. I am very shaky. hohoh. We finished our pantuns yesterday, afternoon and then managed to meet up again in the evening.


The team: Hajar, Irfan dan Raudah. -Cracking our brains

The theme for our round is Watan or Homeland.

We really dont know what to expect, thus we are attending the first prelimenary round (We are in the second) in preparation. Thank goodness we are all a fun bunch. So not much expectations and all.

IF its not too late,
come down to Bedok Community Library from 2-3.45pm to support TPerdayu/MAG/TP/us.
We will be tongue fencing with Madrasah Aljunied and Republic Poly. Hohoho...

masih mentah di gelanggang ini
Pahlawan Putih