again sorry tak dapat update consistently but hai...i cant
so many things happened. and i tak sempat nak blog them
-the dikir comp and the practices before that
-school
-etc.
hai where to start.
k the dikir comp was fine though i wish it was shorter and somewhere nearer to my house. so g;ad kakak ya could make it. on the stage baru i saw her. she raised her hand so i could see her at tha point of time, i smiled and felt adrenaline rush even faster in my body. thanx kakak ya and abg sahar. the tema for that comp was "dari mulut ke mulut. dari hati ke hati". my group choose to depict it as a mother and son thing where the son didnt listen to the mom then he got into trouble and the dier kesal then the bertaubat but after he went out of jail he found out mak dier meningal dunia so he really berkesali......
Hilang sudah tangisan dan tawa,
rinduku ini menebal di dada,
terkenang kini dikau yang mulia,
seribu kali sayang kini kau tiada.
after all tired and worn off i went to lunch with kakak ya and abg sahar at banquet. i by the time i got there, dorang dah finish makan as i took the wrong bus which went round and round the place sampai this pokka factory which i went zaman dulu dulu. had the cheapest hot plate -- beancurd hotplate-- pasal takde duit. the kakak ya bought me this absolutely delicious butterly bun. man the best.
sad story. the thing as i mentioned dragged on until 9.30. 45min intervals were like hell. they even had some freakin guy to sing and tamil song. kuda kepang lah and the freaking anak senis even made an instrumental performance. angkat lilin lah . i won a calculator at the lucky draw. klakar k. my group tak menang aper aper cept maybe lucky draw yang terbaik as we had at least 6 members geting a lucky draw prize.
school has been a bitch but i have been getting through tah kenape. still belum di tegur father bout the coming late thing. i wonder when. mom has been quite irritating bout the jangan balik lambat policy. nag nag nag. i thank her for being there though. unlike that certqin someone. sigh.
had an intersting tuesday night. hanged with the Bk clan. had this siak thing on u noe like "aper sia" "why u like this sia" thats all for now gotta go peace

hey again. so sorry to not have update my blog to the preferrence of some pple.........jk. i really some pple would jus shut up. dorang macam act besar coz of some apparent reason [only god noes why]. one such person is my father. i shal say this few words before i move on...............practice what u preach [obviously u can telll my dad doesnt by my tone], respect has to be earned and the only reason i dont shoiut out my opinions and talk back is because i believe in respect and i tak nak berat kan my left shoulder menanggung dosa jus for u. giving me curfews.........who do u think u are sekarang? u were not there when i needed u so kenape nak sibuk when i am already independent [in some ways[obviously not finacially]]. i grit my teeth everytime u even mutter a word kerana what comes out from ur mouth is either tak berguna , obvious or just irritataing to my ears. take an example in one incident eh................i came back late dari rumah cik lah coz i watched the mummy returns dengan khabir and afid. it was 10 o'clock. i dah lama expect the punishment so i quickly grabbed a shawarma.[btw its not kebab tau. still remember the one beside masjid nabawi, madina sedap k.....everyday i went there to eat while i was there lah] k back to the cerita...... didnt get anything until the next day when he asked me wat time i came home ....so i said 10pm. then he asked me why. i said hujan because it realy did hujan from 845 to 930++. then he quickly said "i dont care" so why the fuck kau tanye aku in the first place?just shut the hell up lah. kalo any one ade doubts yang aku in sincerely write ini and its for other intentions tolong jumpe aku so i can pekik sekuat hati kat ko ytang ignorant ini. and oh ya....................i plan to make him a part of my art for my o level. untuk personal statement i will talk vout how unhelpful he was to me. and anyway the artpiece "suffocation pf perfection" is inspired by the relatio0nship aku ade dengan dier. ask me for the details kalo nak tau.

hai.............
read Kakak ya's blog. she is really good at it. u feel for what she writes. eh korang gi ikea tak ajak org. anyway i went the next day with org yang i m suppose to love very much..but i dont..maybe. some of them are. i went there untuk get construction paper. needed for my art. ya and i strongly agree dgn kakak ya. hai kalau i got the money i will surely buy the whole store. mcm everything there is so cool and lawa and easy to the eye. and they are so varietyful! dari plants ke stationary. its like a pleasurable experience goin there u see many things its like if i was the ceo of the company i would charge org untuk masuk. it willl really make me rich!!!! what would i do? buy the bed yang macam doctors diagnosis bed[its raised and then ader storage kat bawa. save so much space tau.] a nice carpet, lights to go with it. plants all around.i then i will be enjoying the smell of ikea wood yang menusuk kalbu...........
woo ho i would make the room all comfy dengan bantals everywhere and a small couch for my frens to hang out minum kopi halia and stuffs.colours of the room would be blue brown black and white. its gonna be lawa k.......................................

tadi i had and interesting experience dengan toner. actually tadi hidayah ulured me a facial wipe from johnsons and johnsons an dared me to use it. so i thought it was stopid cause it was just a wipe so i wiped my face with it. then the next minute my face was much burning up. my face macam kecuted in a small extent ah. pasnas muke ku. regreted it coz later tak dapat fully indulge in tahu goreng canteen. sedap k,......... probably the lasting i would want to eat before i die[not die of choking lah of the tahu]
k gtg to my original life back.
dikirfan --- as always

hey!
dah lama tak jumpa. k i jus gonna make this a quick one. besok ade skolah lah. too many homework. skool has been a killer since it reopened. i got a new curfew of 7pm. feeling bummed bout it pasal i dont like it. got it for goin home at 10pm. feel so trapped. got geog, chemistry, malay, english, history homework to complete by tomorrow. hai.need a petai for art tomorrow. and i just happened to not get along with the friggin art teacher. dier ingat dier berape besar? my frens say we just have this ego friction thing goin on. its true come to thing bout it. aku obviously tak nak kalah so does he. and get this..........dier dah pergi haji. i feel that this should at least change him ke.........hai manusia manusia.
had an interestind pep chat with imran. he said he wants to sing cleva on his birthday at hardrock cafe. i didnt realise that the song had this lines "this is how i look without make up. with no bra my ninnes sag down low" so um suit ke the song dengan imran hahahah.
dah tats for all now.

I'm a child with the blues
i m confused tau....................................................
and thursday is coming soon... Trust me imran aku nak pergi. i m jus so scared of being a walflower on that day. ala hai.........i need a sign. God and ya by the way i did not write that "g" on ur tagboard. somebody must have faked me. saper saper tu go to hell k? not myself lately. quite depressed. as u can see my posts have been shorter and shorter. my dad removed the internet free flow access thing. reason/ school has started. lame. tah/. somebody yang free pls contact me. aku nak a shoulder to pretend to cry on........................hai k i really think i need help tau. lots of it. problems on my shoulder dah macam gunung warisan.
bored to type
crazy fool
dikirfan

ITS ALL OK!
not been much this pat few days. feeling like and inactive enzyme [or basically something in active]. Tried to revise my work today........................[The End]. Sigh. i m bored to the state where i m 1 notch to death [tats becoz i m not death yet]. tah wat i want to type..................... dah gtg do something stupid so gd bye
dikirfan

.................
KUMAN DI SEBERANG LAUT DI BUAT KHABAR SEBESAR SAYAP JIBRIL, GAJAH PUTIH DI DEPAN MATA TIDAK KAU SANGKA.

Why? Why microscope only my "cons" when comparing and only ur "cons" bile nak minta maaf? i dont get it. i dont even discuss dikir barat with u tau. then u come slam me in the face with something bout dikir on me. do u realise 90% of the time i listen to you. tats becoz i dont talk much and so how bout the dikir thing. And wat do u expect? u want everyone to collect warren g CDs like u? [got nothing against with warren g] even so then i would be copying you.................U noe at least i try to not make pple happy. i dont enemies. susah. it'll be bitter.Bout talking, i didnt need to noe kk kirah bought kiki for $1000++ becos she's a flat face [the cat i mean]. i didnt need to noe kirah bought a hp with camera nor did i need to noe kk kirah bought the stereo mcm nobodoy's business. though i still did listen. i did. i feel a lot of insecurity from u. u like impressing pple but sometimes ur approach scares them........me.
Like i said i want to make pple happy so kalo boleh this jus ends or things get better.
who knows then if you want to survive
with the way you live your life you're doomed
I pray for your safety
and then maybe we'll go on with our lives -- Imran
To those concerned [yg terasa] : DONT expect others to pity u. DONT compare - circumstances are different for each individual. DONT make sweeping statements.............some things just u dont noe [like how much someone loves you]. JGN dare salahkan org lain. Mistakes begin with u.........no one else. lastly, kalau tak nak dengar [and u want to start a freaking argument]...........JGN cakap. short and simple.
Dikirfan.

Boredom is a devil's playground...........................
and so kalau like that, then did setan tell me to pick up the saga seeds [25 of them] along haig road on friday the 4th?? hahaha.........i did it pasal takde kerja and coz saga seeds are interestingly wonderful seeds. the crimson red colour and the weird shape differs it from other seeds. [did i jus bore u guys? hahaha] anyway i got there pasal tumpang ride dengan Uncle Bakar nak gi Joo Chiat Complex. i dropped @ Joo Chiat Complex's nearest traffic light and then started my journey to Haig Road. it was 630 then. so i tot maybe i'll singgah 7eleven to buy a crunch bar. Man........dah lama tak makan tat piece of heavenly chocolate. It was my favourite last time. then out grew it or jus terlupa bout it's existence. got introduced by it again [by khabir [btw way i found out cik lah pun suke makan chocolate. must run in the family] @ the kedai mama bawa the blok next to his]. So far i have eaten 5 bars of it [actually 4 6/7][afraction coz i saved some for lated tapi jadi mush so.............] but it has been hurting my teeth sikit in the 5th bite.
becoz i was new in the team, i got a 40% for penilaian main dikir. the reason? pasal takde asas or something like tat. But still he told me i still got a chance and dont be suprised ah basically.

lets talk bout semalam...............
Chatted pagi-pagi dgn orang orang yang logged on tat pagi[duh]. mainly imran, faqeehah and helfi[my close friend jugak ah]. i made a big issue bout me not mandi yet. tah kenape. was forced to mandi by faqeehah klakar.................... after mandi and a few stupid qns to imran, i set off to rumah Cik Tipah. Naik basikal buruk. [and it's still at their balcony today] then set off to Paris sir park; wat rashidah calls it [dier bulak tinggal kat Paris housing estate [merepek but if meet her.....she's mostly not lame]]. Found a spot at the beach where there were this pondoks mainly for lounging malam malam drinking and what not. [btw pple who were there:
Cik Tipah and family, Cik Norli [and Ilhan and Lutfi], my family minus the BASE Player [hahahaha] and Sahar. Food was plentiful: asam pedas and this sayur thing and ayam mas ayam goreng. didnt get wet actually. neither did the ones sec 1 and above. The thing is i would have loved getting wet tapi malasnye nak gi mandi kat tempat jauh. then we moved to this big shelter thing.
the horror began there when i went there to reserve the seat [by orders of cik norli] there was nothing wrong with the place. After all the energetic ones went to climb the spider web and jumping like crazy [i was feeling emo so i jus duduk bersila on the web]. we went back to find worms abseilling from the roof of the shelter. banyak seh! they were wiggling every where at the plastic bag lah it was like this
/ I
/ I I \
I I I \
I I B
I B
I -dier punye string thingy
B -the worm
KECOH. There was a lot of kebasing going around so we dont accidently bring home one. Kakak ya was freaking out tak salah and runing her fingers thru her hair.hahaha. so we moved to a open spot. at that point of time we were getting ready to balik so it was like a phase to packing up. [i didnt make sense now did i? ohwell]. so there were this new editions to the playground which to me mcm takde guna. there were metal balls which could be turned and sat on and it bounces and other things that make u dizzy.
tats all for now.
c'ya
Dikirfan

Thursday...............
Woke up did some research in my art to prepare for school to be open. did some wordings for my boards which will be part of my o's. then it rained..................................
took a nap then found out we were goin to Rumah Cik Tipah to give her the present and the cake and of course make her feel good that at least we came to give her the birthday mood. Happy Birthday Cik Tipah!!! My mom drove the five of us there. The brownie cake my mom bought was ok ah sedap jugak. Then we wereinvited to pengat pisang. hmmm....warmth amidst the rain and everything. At first i was puzzled bout the bubor thing......then i remember bubor in the Cik Tipah household is actually pengat. this was the same for pengat ubi kayu. hahaha talk about decoding msgs. i was also there becoz i needed to transfer songs from a CD to a tape. Yeah i noe.....how backward to still use a walkman. Now how i wish i had a discman............aniwae I had to do this cos my radio secara tak sengaja rosak so it cant record into tapes.
i was wearing this Macy Gray shirt after feeling soulful.
then i made my way to Haig road for my dikir practice. didnt meet anyone on the way....so i just kept goin. i felt hungry so i went to get some grub at the Haig road hawker centre. Got myself Mee goreng for $2.50 but punye lah banyak. i then went to this budjet shop. got myself a can of Sprite and a packet of herbal candy good for the throat. i found a spot at this shelter space [surronded by HDB flats] which was very small but okay since i was eating alone..............Alone! how pathetic. tapi aper yang boleh di lakukan? i ate till i was quite full. wrapped up the remainder and went to the cc.
when i came there were only two pple [ah pai, and rafiq], they were seniors and rafiq was the leader's adik. he was like this cool support the bob marley type. ah pai was the crazy type so naturally he played the karut for the Ulan Comp. klakar. so it was only the three of us. as a pendiam i didnt talk much though the both of them did. Rafiq was like mentioning how budak budak were all emotional datang soran sorang as the three of did. [it was 7.30pm then]. Pai was talking bout the spent the day with drunk friends and their stupid actions........calling him Maan and vommiting. lepak seh. the next emo budak came shortly. Aminullah, amin for short. we then carried on with the practice. i found myself louder than before. Got a good remark from Dapi. I think 70% i'll make the team for the anak seni comp [kalau ade that is]. he gave us like a one person evaluation and said "ragam masih kaku.suara...ok!"
i was like beaming. then he said for this comp attendance plays a huge role dgn suara so......80%? wat a wonderful experience
My god i just fond out the girl...Faqeehah was the 2nd top malay student for psle in her year. i m so shockeedd. wat luck. i congratulated her though it's a bit late now.....hahaha. her nick happened to be "cerita kasih kita rupanya seketika.....i m so sad now.
-Faqeehah i m really sorry.................................harap boleh sambung cerita kami
-Kakak Ya sorry for the blog issue thing. i really thought u want privacy so thats why its ok with me. :D.
-Kakak Kirah sorry bout the Khabir issue thing...........it really doesnt bothers me that much bout wat u did.
To any body else i did wrong to, i really am sorry bout watever i did.........sincerely. [wherethe i was rude or selfish or cari pasal ke i m really sorry................................................
Forgive and forget?
Dikirfan

K today didnt do much execpt tumpukan seluruh perhatian ku kepada my tie & dye piece for my o level. Man it was bad. the whole thing sucked. My zebra lines couldnt be seen at all. This though was nothing new to me.................i have always sucked in tie & dye. Now my finger tips are strangely purple [due to the dye DUH!] my eyes hurt squinting to see the threads, my mouth is dry although i have gulped down at least 10 glasses of water and i feel down.

The spark between US[u noe who] mcm dah takde. We just cant find a topic to talk about and end up "oh okay"-ing. Then i asked her if she is bored chatting with me because i dont frequently reply to her since i m doing something else, she said "nah" [which means yes in a polite way]. She pun takde topic nak cakap about. We kept quiet.................
So i tried to improve things by using the white board thing on the msn messenger thinking tat we could play Win Lose or Draw [like i did with Kakak Ya which i had fun doing : ) ]....................tak berhasil. She just absolutely didnt noe wat to draw. i m sad.................................
Wat should i do? I dont our freindship to end.
Sakit hati.
Dikirfan

Listening to "a child with the blues" [thanx imran for introducing me to it]. Feeling soulful for some reason. just found out kakak Ya ade blogspot though she said she was too buzy to have one. Maybe she was jus to buzy to tell me and she forgot [its ok though i dont mind] Been the past few days, who hasnt? its so irritating with the forced holiday thing goin on. Trying to survive boredom with the only few pathetic contacts with my frens and family [sorta].

I met up with my close fren rashidah today to study. We did some math though i was really distracted coz i was sleepy. In the morning 7am i was like "dont sleep stay awake kau dah buat janji dengan kawan kau!" to myself. so dragged my self to DOWNTOWN EAST. 9am in the morning.......Burger King.........there was only a couple eating there i was like "ok why am i here again" got there found out helfi not coming so it was only the two of us. We ordered something to munch then got back to studying. Then her mom, who worked there in the admin sector, came and gave me a Dowtown east polo shirt. I was like smiling but couldnt be much bothered. We talked and talked bout serious stuff that affected us in anyway. It was stress reliving. After that i went to school to collect my tie and dye stuff so i could do it at home and maybe complete it. Now its infront of the fan drying. the colour is Kingfisher just for the record. Biru terang!

I m still having the eye problem thing! its so irritating. My eyes arent wet enough i guess. kembali kepada un-health-ly issues. i m so looking forward to goin out. ATTEN PPLE: take me out some where anywhere. ajak me pls i m so engulfed by the boredom handing ard my house. so far there is only three outings planned that involves me: dikir practice on thursday and friday and Imran ajaked me to go indian flute on friday also. i m so glad ade org yg concerned............

i been trying to understand music this past week[ya since i've got nothing to do]. For me i find anything to do with malay exciting. the gamelan, seruling dikir etc. then im ran came with the style which got me weak in my knees. I still remember @ changkat changi cc. imran had this bundle dgnnye. i was wondering what it was. the song was so great with the lenguknye and the flute playing. SEDAP! found out it was a flute, its always been like i goin back to my Javanese roots. got to go for some reason.

my eyes are green, really. how could she? maybe i m just over reacting............................
Dikirfan