Heavy

is my heart

There's just so much going on. and i am constantly driven to satiation of an emotion everytime.

Like on friday, i went to prayers at Ghufran and boy was it an emotional trip. I really like the Imam and how he made the doa into a poem, by rhyming the end of each line. And how his intonations drew humanity out of me. squeezed my tears out of me. and in a moment i become thankful for the ability to breathe.


If you dont already know, casting for PPP is done and over with. im pretty glad it happened cos CLASSIFIED: Projek Congkak, becomes OUR script more than my script. and it becomes OUR direction more than my direction. OUR voice, more than my voice. and i love how it becomes OUR blog more than the blog i designed. www.titisantemasek.blogspot.com

I am merely here to lay the foundation for which the team would have to anchor their pillars that would support our intentions, and the put up walls that would one day echo with our efforts, and plaster a ceiling from which our sweat will drip, welcomed, and construct a roof for which we will together sheild and protect what we've built.
Only then would the people, the audience and the judges furnish our home, either with praises or criticism.
But whatever the case, we'd still be proud we built this up together.

and a love affair is starting to blossom between us. Blossoming into a demure-looking poppy, that grows from affection to addiction. I love them. I love them all, although at the sametime i reminded im being selfish to want them to myself.



Then eka had to make my life more confusing then it already is. But i still love them too.

I think i'd be participating in the Singapore Young Dramatists Award (SYDA) 2006. which is awfully wicked.

and today i watched Suria Segar, for the first time in my life. Cos apparently, (i feel almost as if im bragging as i type this) in two weeks time, i'd be representing TP's participation in PPP for the show. Gawd.

The shocking part is not being on TV, cos even i dont watch the programme, but why i was chosen to go, with Fezhah and Big. I think eka likes to put people on the spot. heh.

and the day, 9th july happens to also be date due for lots of things like, the script, magic cue sheet etc. darn. I dont know. i hope i dont get excited to the point of being proud. and i better get comfortable talking to inanimate objects cos the camera aint my cuppa tea.


Then i got an invited for an assignment. Be photographer for MUIS family day. All expenses paid, paid trip. I'd have to meet them tomorrow and see how it goes. I hope i get a camera by then. *HUGE COLGATE SMILE AT MOM*

With all this, my mom wonders why i cant be bothered about my SIP? hurhur


Oh then i got pissed lah. When i logged on to my home's CPU. All my files were deleted. All my pictures, all my music, my works. dang. I should have transfered them to the Rosnah (my laptop) sooner. So much for a portfolio. : P

Now i cant wait for wednesday for which i'll be meeting my loves again.

Que sara sara
Pahlawan Putih

In Memory

of a woman i wanted to marry



never let media consume you
Pahlawan Putih

Comfort is reached when we fall asleep.



we slept with each other
Pahlawan Putih

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

hanya mentari membakar
tanah gersang akar
geliung pasir samar
angin kencang fajar

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

mungkin tak berpahala
dosa pun tak menimpa
nafsu takkan leluasa
badan takkan didera

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

tanpa keluarga
tanpa kawan, teman, rakan
tanpa garam dan gula
tanpa air minuman

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

hanya khayalan fana
hanya harapan buta
hanya pantulan masa
hanya kedahagaan saja

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

buat ku renung nostalgia
buat ku bina cita-cita
buat ku mimpikan telaga
yang akan lesap dahaga

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

biar aku dilihatNya
yang telah mencipta
aku dan Sahara
Keduanya
mendamba
kasihNya

Pahlawan Putih

Calmly excited

yeah, basically in all this rush i find scraps of excitment beneath the jaded worries. Things are starting to evolve. to get done. to reach completion.

The cast was finally selected for PPP on tuesday. Man was it tough. To cast people for talent, and ability to work effectively as an ensemble.





Thats the beautiful cast

Before that picture was taken, we celebrated Zah's birthday, in the mango room.





You should've seen her face when she found out i bought for her kain songket that she mentioned she like the colour. kental.. So basically, now its about bonding. Like today was bonding day, very relaxed, very merepek. eg. Walking around bedok as a choochoo train.

Anyway, its been sometime since i've did a publicity thing, so yeah, my fingers got itchy






I implore for your forgiveness and your blessings
Pahlawan Putih

Dear Ili

tiada gunung yang ku tidak sanggup gali
untuk mendapatkan kemaafan darimu sesekali

tiada kerdipan bintang
yang setanding
pabila senyummu terbentang
tawa mengiring

hampa
tidak cukup bagiku
kerana
kecewa hanya satu
kedua
mendendangkan lagu
buta
pada yang merdu

Ia tidak akan lagi dibiarkan merasuk ku.
...................dibanjirkan dalam nadi ku
...................diizinkan nada suara ku.
...................dimbil kisah
...................di dalam hati

tanggal rasa megah
tinggal darah saja
Pahlawan Putih

Pent up

i really need to sit down, blog and organize my thoughts. They're running around, like little kids during engagements, in my head and just refuse to go out of the bride's room. Meaning they always come to mind as they bear huge significance, i guess. And according to Hana the kids just dont want to burn...

heh, part of that paragraph was refering to Hana's sister's engagement.


Thats Rafidah
As i was taking her picture, i couldnt shake off the feeling that i knew her for years already. Actually it applied to the whole family cos maybe i felt so at home.

I had so much fun. firstly it was quite a grand affair, with hantarans and all, and that i visited a community which reiterated diversity, cos throughout the process they were speaking in Tamil. I am sure my late grandfather spoke tamil too, but to see it live and kicking, still being practice is an eyeopener. Even the bride-to-be seem well versed. It ended well with 9 ladoos in my bag, cos i forgot about haider's share. hohoho
Oh, and the food, was delicious, trust me.

Now all i hope is that i can finish editing the pictures for them, before they go all restless. and a shout out to Rizal for taking the trouble to lend me Khelena.


After which i went to catch Fanaa, knowing I'll not get another off soon, for 10 smackeroonies @ GV Tampines. It was those treat-me movies outing.

all i can say it was a dissapointment. it seemed like it was written by more than two writers who compromised (more like couldnt compromise) too much that the vision became blur. I like the starting where they were exchanging verbal poetry, which rhymed in hindi, but it stopped there, like they didnt continue being poetic and all. I like the part where they showed the Islamic side of India. I like the part which justified Kajol's unsurpassed beauty. I like the satire in the begining, and the introduction of Jolly Good Singh, which could have been developed better.
Well, somethings just seem more promising than anything.


on to school things...
This saturday would be my attachment discussion session, i am expecting my acting skills to come in handy, heh.
More importantly, there's a test on Food Safety. Lucky for me Hazel volunteered to straighten out Package 1. So here's a shout out to a saviour.

i felt bad as i think im pulling my weight with my scraps of research i come out with, and the inability to meet up, even online, due to my stupid shift work.

sheesh. and now i have yet to complete the ppp script. ideas are on standby, so i just need time to sit down and rework the script. feeling the presure.


Thinking positive, at least now, im (almost) 2/3 done with my attachment.

And I've seen the disguised blessing.
Apparently it was meeting people more than gaining experience. I meet all sorts of people everyday. But the most interesting are those that work in the store themselves.

Like Jacky, 19, thin stick figure guy with boundless enthusiasm (except when he has to throw rubbish), who is a malaysian, lives in Ipoh, has a motor bike there, youngest of 3 children, staying in sengkang. What i like about him is he brings fresh perspective to my already jaded vision. that is in his richly malaysian malay.

and Agus, 21, pleasantly suprising a balinese from Denpasar (its a sign i tell you, we must pack our bags already) has a band there, plays the djembe, has this really cool tattoo on his right fore arm, somewhere near the elbow, left a cewek there, and has offered to bring me around bali after his 6 months.
Two handsome dudes roughing it out in burger king. I feel less than purposeful there when we're working together. Cos we are like the 3 musketeers.. all standing at the counter, serving the service industry!

Then there's Reshma, a girl who did diploma in hospitality and tourism and also doing attacment there. Indian National from Tamil Nadu. where exactly i forgot. Kesian. Dah indian minority, kena attachment kat lubang taik pulak.

Then there's Aunty Ban Leng, fiesty thin stick woman who's doing overnight shift to provide for her mother and herself. She does 5-10 at NTUC, somewhere in pasir ris and goes straight to bk. Very annoying but i still try to talk to her.

Then there's Shiau Yoong who blanjaed me and jacky McFlurry. she's the team leader and wraps burgers in 3 seconds flat. very nice lah. So thats my tour of the people behind the counter top.
one more month, one more month.


So for now, i just need to organise my other thoughts. and be further prepared for 2006, the year people pick fights with Irfan.

Meyeluk perkasam, biar sampai ke pangkal lengan

Rasa-rasa rasa terasa?
Pahlawan Putih