We won?
It has come to my attention that it has not come to me that we 'won' - whatever 'won/win' means.
Maybe it was because from the start, we set out to entertain the audience, and all that mattered to us was that we gave a lasting impression.
My personal investment was to 'pay it forward', after all that ekamatra has given in the 5 months. I wanted others to see the beauty of theatre, like how i did. None of the awards came across our minds, especially since (i felt) we gave a bad impression to eka for all sloppy three rehearsal/previews we did.
I was contented on the performance night. I think that sufficed to last me a life time.
However Sunday had to come, where i thought we just acquired more problems, that seem to be packaged with the awards.
Our winnings were of humble ones, but for people, some who were not even involved, adopted the winning for themselves, and started bragging about it.
It was a classic case of lembu punya susu, sapi dapat nama.
Its quite sad.
But in the end, what will be engraved one the acrylic block and in people's mind is Temasek Polytechnic. First time ever in the existance of PPP.
Maybe i dont feel satisfied, because in the process of realising my vision, i sacrificed all that i had, and went all the way to get a step closer to idealism. I kept convicing myself that every dilemma should be settled with what was best for the projek. PPP made me a spend thrift, a risk taker, an opportunist, a bastard, a worrywart, assertive and aloof.
I raised my voiced at another human being whom i subconciously identified as threatening to my vision. I was so possessed that i forgot she was my friend.
In that event, i lost a lot of friends and to quote, "lost respect" for me. I could try to defend myself, but i guess people would easily label my rebuttals as an enlarged ego's mechanism. Then again, its only natural.
Its only natural for people who did not believe, to congratulate, in a condescending act of good nature. notice the word 'act'. It is just polite and courteous. Individuals who grew astray and identified us as outcast, and shook our hands with reluctance, now want to prop the trophy on their shoulders and make it apart of their glory. Individuals who paid good money, in hope to see us fall/fail, then getting an opportunity to say "i told you so" in our faces. People who might not even know the title and concept of the play.
How could you not have faith in us, only because you were not involved in it?
How could you be offended because you were not invited to be a part of it?
There is no use being offended now, especially if you are not guilty of any one of the above mentioned acts. i stress again, 'acts'. What has been done, cant be undone. You might win some, but you just lost one.
But all was not lost. I must thank Naza who came for the award ceremony, and shed so much tears. I was really touched. and thanks for doing my face yeah?
before i end the post, i would like to thank God Almighty for this head that rests on my shoulders, and i pray that it would not fill with arrogance nor pride, and that it not be a target of envy. insyaAllah.
And i pray to be able to continue this wonderful journey, with my head intact, and create with my keen spirit.
The only emotion that is begining to settle in is melancholy. Now 6 of us wont have a good reason to meet each other often anymore.
The cherry on top now would be to watch the recorded performance with the team.
Pahlawan Putih
It has come to my attention that it has not come to me that we 'won' - whatever 'won/win' means.
Maybe it was because from the start, we set out to entertain the audience, and all that mattered to us was that we gave a lasting impression.
My personal investment was to 'pay it forward', after all that ekamatra has given in the 5 months. I wanted others to see the beauty of theatre, like how i did. None of the awards came across our minds, especially since (i felt) we gave a bad impression to eka for all sloppy three rehearsal/previews we did.
I was contented on the performance night. I think that sufficed to last me a life time.
However Sunday had to come, where i thought we just acquired more problems, that seem to be packaged with the awards.
Our winnings were of humble ones, but for people, some who were not even involved, adopted the winning for themselves, and started bragging about it.
It was a classic case of lembu punya susu, sapi dapat nama.
Its quite sad.
But in the end, what will be engraved one the acrylic block and in people's mind is Temasek Polytechnic. First time ever in the existance of PPP.
Maybe i dont feel satisfied, because in the process of realising my vision, i sacrificed all that i had, and went all the way to get a step closer to idealism. I kept convicing myself that every dilemma should be settled with what was best for the projek. PPP made me a spend thrift, a risk taker, an opportunist, a bastard, a worrywart, assertive and aloof.
I raised my voiced at another human being whom i subconciously identified as threatening to my vision. I was so possessed that i forgot she was my friend.
In that event, i lost a lot of friends and to quote, "lost respect" for me. I could try to defend myself, but i guess people would easily label my rebuttals as an enlarged ego's mechanism. Then again, its only natural.
Its only natural for people who did not believe, to congratulate, in a condescending act of good nature. notice the word 'act'. It is just polite and courteous. Individuals who grew astray and identified us as outcast, and shook our hands with reluctance, now want to prop the trophy on their shoulders and make it apart of their glory. Individuals who paid good money, in hope to see us fall/fail, then getting an opportunity to say "i told you so" in our faces. People who might not even know the title and concept of the play.
How could you not have faith in us, only because you were not involved in it?
How could you be offended because you were not invited to be a part of it?
There is no use being offended now, especially if you are not guilty of any one of the above mentioned acts. i stress again, 'acts'. What has been done, cant be undone. You might win some, but you just lost one.
But all was not lost. I must thank Naza who came for the award ceremony, and shed so much tears. I was really touched. and thanks for doing my face yeah?
before i end the post, i would like to thank God Almighty for this head that rests on my shoulders, and i pray that it would not fill with arrogance nor pride, and that it not be a target of envy. insyaAllah.
And i pray to be able to continue this wonderful journey, with my head intact, and create with my keen spirit.
The only emotion that is begining to settle in is melancholy. Now 6 of us wont have a good reason to meet each other often anymore.
The cherry on top now would be to watch the recorded performance with the team.
Pahlawan Putih
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