i feel its time i leave this blog. nostalgia has caught up.

i have grown restless in stagnancy. tiresome html codes.

i never thought i would leave this space. sigh, no looking back now.

-if you feel its neccessary to be updated-

pahlawan putih

i feel a mist of lead in my lungs.

it weighs me down.

Nothing to lose

I feel a rush of emotions going through me now. I dont think i cant even call them emotions. they have no identity. just an unidentifiable rush in my veins.

anyway, what is wrong with berita harian? wtf is Jel? there's a proper word for it; penjara. why butcher the language and season it with english adaptations when there are already in existance, words that have the same meaning? thus i never really like the malay syllabus.

Malay has always been beautiful though. I really love the possiblities you create with the language. Metaphors and idioms are always intricately woven yet so fluent in expressing the rarely expressed.
Sarcasm being one habit the malay language is infamous for imparting to its users. The art of generalising, with high chances of subtly inflicting pain or pleasure, directed towards the other party.

semalu dah tersentuh
terguris salah raba
ikhlas dan utuh
ampun langkah hiba

tetap pada daunnya
genggam tiada tiris
genggam semalu mara
tetap dia bersinis

kan ku tawa, bersenda
mula jejak baru
maju jejak beza
biar kembang semula, semalu

anyway, updates on life, i might be going to bali for a getaway, Sang the Rebel was conceived on national day, i cleaned my room like nobody's business, came across fragments of memories (kept them in a box), ticket stubs, event pamphlets, dozens of doodled notebooks, cockroaches. hur threw bags and bags of sheer rubish, kept in hope that they might serve a purpose, once more in the future. And lastly, im having fun goofing off.

oh well,
Pahlawan Putih

National Language?



That is the painting. A class of chinese students learning the malay language, with a malay teacher. Chua Mia Tee painted this in 1959.


Yesterday, a national holiday, after plans of watching fireworks were abandoned due to the lack of response, and also revelation that National Language Class/Utama was on, shaza and myself decided to catch the play. A pull factor was definately the fact that Effendy was performing in one of the two performances. Im quite glad i didnt spend the night masturbating on the elusive bursts of combusting compounds in the sky, which more often then not looks like a glass dome encasing us. regulating each molecule of oxygen we respire, regulating every combustion of plastic elation the nation decides to exhibit on its pathetic 'birthday'.

Back to the plays, they were both really provoking. It was subtle, but it was really really provoking. I felt as if i was lead to a new way of thinking. Really really good. Theatre at its best. A must watch.

I cant help but think i have found my other half
now its up to each of us to decide
whether we wanna be full

Morey piya...
Pahlawan Putih

Super Duper!



I have been thinking, and i've thought. In the five months that just passed, i realised that i have been into the shoes of others. That i have felt what they had to go through, before and after.

Thus..
I would like apologise to all the directors of Pentas: Akar Aku for having turn my back at you after the grueling process. Amin, Fid, Mamat and Fana. I realised that at that point of time, my tone of speech was of an offended immature coward. I never knew it took so much time, effort and dedication. For me to strike it out as a failure just proved that i had no respect whatsoever for people's hardwork. i failed as a human being.
and Oh boy, does karma work in its comedic ways. I'm having to face a few of 'myselfs then' now. I think this experience has made me more tactful. to think before i speak, or blog.
Please do forgive me. Now i have seen the light. will look forward to working with you guys again sometime perhaps.


which brings me to an insightful question.
Have you heard about the prostitute who drew water from a well for thristy dog about to die, and she went to heaven after?
How about the woman who was so pious, and devoted to God but yet she went to hell because she had conflicts with her neighbour?

we (me shaza bo) were having a mini debate session and it swayed abit to religious issues. So that question posted to me, relating back to our duties as humans to God.
But what can be gathered from the two incidents is that our relationship between other living things, including humans, is as essential, if not more important, than praying five times a day. Maybe He wants us to instill in us kindess before anything. To respect life, both our's and other's.

and for now, i respect people's views. however, i am not drawing my sword, because its certainly not a battle. Its just a failure to comprehend. As much as i want to defend my pride, i know im better off letting it go. (thus the new blog header picture.) Take in what people say, then sieve, to get the constructive ones.

like the metaphor bo gave me about girls.
"girls are like sand..
if u hold on to them tightly.. ur just gonna hurt urself,
if u hold them loosely..they'll fall through ur hands,
so u just have to hold them in between..."

words of wisdom from bo. hurhur

Anyway, the song is just a happy song. Feeling in the mood for love.
The guys are my SUPER DUPER LOVE!

xoxo
Pahlawan Putih

Homesick

Tuesday
After Sunday, Alfian invited me to watch a full dress rehearsal of his currently on going play, Homesick. I was more than elated to go. I really like his script, and how imagist it can be. The only problem i found with the play was the culture shock. heh, the set had everything, beds to pillow to dining table to even rice! It was good nonetheless. The actors were really really awesome, especial neo swee lin. Thanks again Mr Alfian sir!
(i couldnt have afforded the real show : D).

Thursday
initially, there were no plans, then we ended up at simpang bedok till half past midnight.
I have never found anyone crazy enough as me to walk to simpang bedok from tampines. Thanks Shaza for the beautiful walk. (reciting the script and all) Hopeless nostalgics.
Aida met us there again after a hair cut. Thanks for the jibera(?)
Hajar came late, but she compensated by telling us a colourful story of how she got there.
Its really nice to be lepak-ing. But whats better is the topic of conversation that usually leans to intellectual orgasm when we are together.

Friday
Planned a last minute picnic at marina bay. Bought one kite and made another. Has some sandwiches and all. Only aida could make it. hur, nonetheless it was relaxing.

Saturday!
Started out with a morning with two lovelies, Bo and shaza, for a theatre workshop NAFA organised. It was fun(ny) all the way. hurhur... Then we had to stall Bo for his suprise birthday gathering.


He doesnt like cakes, thus the rice pudding.


Suprised @ Sofra


Great food, great company. He was in disbelief for quite a while


US!


another group pic

I never felt so happy for someone else's birthday. Happiness is awfuly contagious.
In addition we got him a belt, and a sheesha session at El-Sheik. However we werenot the only ones giving, cos he kissed and hugged everyone like no business. Happy times. Happy 19th birthday again Bukhari!

: D
Pahlawan Putih

i dont count the people that hate me.
neither do i count the people that like me.

im not THAT narcissistic
not enough to even say im good

now that the meeting has ended
Please dont cry

TSIOGE

Hyper dictionary defines ego as

[n] (psychoanalysis) the conscious mind
[n] your consciousness of your own identity
[n] an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others

and an egoist as

[n] a self-centered person with little regard for others
[n] a conceited and self-centered person


I abhor being labelled an attention seeker (thanks aida) or an egoist. I feel that it is so untrue to myself, that i must be defensive. It is the worst insult anyone can give - Torture someone by blaming a bloated fragment of that someone. Really sucky, especially if its not true.

I fullertonically hate being in the lime light. I hate it when people look at me, waiting, expecting and just blindly staring. I hate to trouble people. I hate being put in a spot. I hate it when im the only one talking. I hate it when people dont get their ideas and emotions across. I hate having to guess how people feel. I hate having to be a narcissist.
I hate. So i guess that makes me an egoist. I'll try not to deny.

furthermore, after 5 months of hardwork, i think i deserve to have my moment, undisturbed by worry of what others think. And if that involves being an egoist, then be it. I think i'd have every right to be an egoist for now.


A friend told me that if people reminded him to be humble,
its usually like a defense mechanism on their part,
he'd say "its not for me to slow down for you, its your duty to catch up",
yet be humble by all means.

It was a mini-enlightenment.
People, when 'endangered', would pull, those that threaten them, down to their level with these presumptious expectations of us going arrogant and pompous. Not all of us are glamour stricken bozos, wanting to make a name for ourselves.


and yes aida, i havent attain that level of not taking into account what people think, cos i still am a narcissist. Feedback to feed engines of improvements. In short i care what people think. I need to be more subjective next time, taking into account only people that may actually be thinking.


Nominated for all awards... that was f***ing enough lah. to be considered is such a compliment already.

I still remember fahrul telling me he like the script. shaza also said something similar, and she really showed her passion to it. nadia zanial said something in her blog about it. that was more than enough lah.
(subtracting the fact that some labelled it as empty. just because we dont do slapstick, doesnt mean we're the ones having problems with it.)

I hate how the awards overshadowed the actually performance. although it was just acceptable.

I REALLY SHOULD START THINKING POSITIVE THOUGHTS

yay yay kita menang nya pementasan rawks!
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Egotisitcally happy,
Pahlawan Putih

Irfan: Mom, my team won outstanding script, use of stimuli, production design and overall champion. How much (money) do i get?

Mom: Sooo what? Takde Cash Prize ke?

Irfan: Ada..... but that one sponsored by parents.

Mom: (gives the look)

hur hur

*Please do ignore my last post as it was written by my eternal pessimist alter ego.*

I would like to thank everyone and anyone who congratulated us (no weightage on sincerity) May your well wishes will help us in our future endeavours.

All i want now is for us to be happy.
Oh, so happy,
I feel happy and witty and gay!
And I pity
Anyone who isn't me tonight.

I feel charming,
Oh, so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel!
And so happy
That I hardly can believe I'm real.
We dont have anything to lose anyways.. other than this bootiful fellowship.

I was going through the pictures we took during the award ceremony. I think this is the most adorable.


Different generations of Temasek Polytechnic students. With our most supportive alumnis, Shireen and Najib.

I still remember the time we with najib outside mango room, and he was telling us about his experience with Dengkur, a PPP production few years back. sigh... how time flies.

I've signed up for Eka youth so i would have more reasons to head to tapac. get cups of muar sugar cane juice. soak in the peace, bathe in the rain again perhaps. hee

i hate how nostalgia starts with pleasure and ends with pain.
Pahlawan Putih

We won?

It has come to my attention that it has not come to me that we 'won' - whatever 'won/win' means.

Maybe it was because from the start, we set out to entertain the audience, and all that mattered to us was that we gave a lasting impression.

My personal investment was to 'pay it forward', after all that ekamatra has given in the 5 months. I wanted others to see the beauty of theatre, like how i did. None of the awards came across our minds, especially since (i felt) we gave a bad impression to eka for all sloppy three rehearsal/previews we did.

I was contented on the performance night. I think that sufficed to last me a life time.

However Sunday had to come, where i thought we just acquired more problems, that seem to be packaged with the awards.
Our winnings were of humble ones, but for people, some who were not even involved, adopted the winning for themselves, and started bragging about it.
It was a classic case of lembu punya susu, sapi dapat nama.
Its quite sad.
But in the end, what will be engraved one the acrylic block and in people's mind is Temasek Polytechnic. First time ever in the existance of PPP.

Maybe i dont feel satisfied, because in the process of realising my vision, i sacrificed all that i had, and went all the way to get a step closer to idealism. I kept convicing myself that every dilemma should be settled with what was best for the projek. PPP made me a spend thrift, a risk taker, an opportunist, a bastard, a worrywart, assertive and aloof.
I raised my voiced at another human being whom i subconciously identified as threatening to my vision. I was so possessed that i forgot she was my friend.

In that event, i lost a lot of friends and to quote, "lost respect" for me. I could try to defend myself, but i guess people would easily label my rebuttals as an enlarged ego's mechanism. Then again, its only natural.

Its only natural for people who did not believe, to congratulate, in a condescending act of good nature. notice the word 'act'. It is just polite and courteous. Individuals who grew astray and identified us as outcast, and shook our hands with reluctance, now want to prop the trophy on their shoulders and make it apart of their glory. Individuals who paid good money, in hope to see us fall/fail, then getting an opportunity to say "i told you so" in our faces. People who might not even know the title and concept of the play.

How could you not have faith in us, only because you were not involved in it?
How could you be offended because you were not invited to be a part of it?

There is no use being offended now, especially if you are not guilty of any one of the above mentioned acts. i stress again, 'acts'. What has been done, cant be undone. You might win some, but you just lost one.

But all was not lost. I must thank Naza who came for the award ceremony, and shed so much tears. I was really touched. and thanks for doing my face yeah?

before i end the post, i would like to thank God Almighty for this head that rests on my shoulders, and i pray that it would not fill with arrogance nor pride, and that it not be a target of envy. insyaAllah.
And i pray to be able to continue this wonderful journey, with my head intact, and create with my keen spirit.

The only emotion that is begining to settle in is melancholy. Now 6 of us wont have a good reason to meet each other often anymore.

The cherry on top now would be to watch the recorded performance with the team.
Pahlawan Putih

Kau selalu di hati ku

Results for Pesta Peti Putih 2006.

Most Outstanding Production Design Temasek Poly
Most Effective Use of Set Nominated
Most Effective Use of Stimuli Temasek Poly
Most Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble Nominated
Most Outstanding Script Temasek Poly
Most Outstanding Direction Nominated

Piala Pesta Peti Putih 2006 Temasek Poly

I sujud-ed syukur for quite sometime a while ago. La illahha illallah.
It was overly suprising that we were even nominated for all the awards (excluding outstanding performer, which had no nominations.)
It was superbly amazing to be receiving 3 awards of the 6 nominations.
It was really shocking to have received Most Outstanding Script, especially when Alfian was presenting it.
It was gazillion more times shocking to have clinched the Piala Pesta Peti Putih 2006, Challenge Trophy.


However, that wasnt the most magical part of Pesta Peti Putih 2006.
The enchanting part was to see my vision come alive on the night of the performance. To hear the comforting roars, laughter of the engaging audience, uncovering meaning from humble words. To sniff stench of hard work and effort weaved together in a tapestry of life. To touch the lives of people we worked with, and those who became an audience to the product. To taste the sweetness of self-satisfaction from a performance.


and now its back to reality. I feel an enlarging puncture in me, where my emotions leak, causing an alarming sense of emptyness.
For whom shall i confide with anymore? For whom shall i adore? For where shall i go? For what will i meet? For better or for worst, in sickness and health, i shall love you guys.

Im so proud for our performance. It was not by TP, MAG or whatsoever. It was by us. I dont think you can put a label/logo/ownership on my brain so learn to live with it, we made it without you, nor your little charming critisms. (rasa-rasa rasa terasa?) Think about it, before you even think of rebuttal.



I will remember you,
will you remember me?
Pahlawan Putih

After all that work, it ended.
its over.

i havent decided which emotion to adopt.

i have so many people i need to thank.

i have so many insecurities drifting away from the people i need to thank.

.....

Al-Fatehah

In memory of my late grandmother
Hajjah Juriah bte Ahmad "Bah"



Somehow i knew, i was never in her good books. She always prefered my elder brother. But its okay, i grew to find comfort in subtle hostilities.

I grew to find peace in the your room, where my brothers and me used to sleep. Musty, lingering with your fragrance of potent Jasmine Hair Oil.

I used to stare at your stone encrusted ring, green, secretly at nights, when my eyes could not rest as the moonlight evaded the space. Somehow, i knew you knew. comfort grew from there.

I grew to find comfort on slippery bathroom floor, holding on to the copper pipes, as you lather me with vigor and made sure i came out squeaky clean. I remember vividly those noisy red 'trompahs'.

I grew to find comfort in the warm mug of coffee we would all share, sitting in front of the tv and gingerly dipping crackers to soak.

I grew to find comfort as you smother ground-up green paste on my blemished body, everyday when i had chicken pox.

I grew and found comfort in your hearty laugh.

I grow to find comfort...


Nenek, aen tak nyanyi dekat tingkap lagi

My only regret is not to have captured you in pictures.
You are an expression of solitude among an immense abundance of offsprings.

and in the early times of vunerablity, you carried me in your arms.
and tmrw i would support you to your final resting place.

Nenek Connie
Pahlawan Putih

Liberationism

it comes with a price tag and is 2 sizes too big.

After my attachment abruptly ended, i have been assuming my responsibilities, proper. Apparently, my bouts of goofing off has also increased. Inclining with ppp mates.

Saturday,

Did recording for the voiceovers in school. We didnt have a proper location, so most of the time we were moving around. Bo is responsible of being the voice.



the hindustani boxer really has a nice voice, should try out for DJ-ing.


part of the burden lifted after completion, we goofed off by visiting nostalgia. But hey, wasnt totally goofing off, it was character study okay..



Sunplaza park's swing has always been the best place to lose yourself and be reunited with childhoodednessism.











ended the day with dinner at siti's.
I would like to apologise to Kakak Kirah and Indrah for not attending their engagement. One was at Tampy, the other at Toa Payohy. I really feel guilty. Will make it up.


Sunday,

early in the morning, headed to tapac. Managed to work with the technical side, lighting and sound especially. brushed up here there. Best part was bathing in the rain with shaza. hurhur. super liberating.
That sunday felt like it was two seperate days, as we were at Tapac the whole day. Mini camp over. I guess thats how you'd feel if you were unshackled by school.


Monday,

Had breakfast at McDs with aida, rosita and rosnah. hee. Siti came shortly after. My plan was to head to school to get some work on the report, but i succumbed to my fatigue. Went back home and slept for three hours, as the rain orchestrated beyond my window.

Then headed to town with aida, to get a lomo for her sister's birthday present. I saw a nice note book i thought Kakak kirah would like, so i got it for her. Made plans to meet at bugis to pass it to her, but after stopping by HMV heeren.

I was looking for 'Avatar: The Last Airbender' VCD/DVD cause the show is super radical. and nickelodeon is playing old episodes. Furthermore, i have not been watching tv too often nowadays. Instead i got myself Nelly Furtado's loose. After listening to her songs over and over again, i realised i still have feelings for her, and that i might consider marrying her again. Ho ho ho... starting to get crappy.
but really, i like her songs cos they are melodiously addictive and most of the time have that folk influences. and her lyrics, very sincere.

Neway headed to Bugis, suprise, suprise. Then, went on a mission for Kakak Ya's present. Only then did i realise i was wearing green. subconciously a pleasant colour. I found the little cards hilarious.

Happy Engagement Kakak Kirah
Happy Birthday Kakak Ya



what a green day.

Tueday,

PPP day again. Came to school early for abit of trial and error for the props. rehearse, rehearse. then leps (short of lepak. i just thought of it, very mat) at Sri Sun with Rizal, Aidy and Siti. I like how we dont look at the watch and say, "oh its late, we should go" cos it feels so right just sitting there, forgetting what i wanted to say. hee


Wednesday,

abit tiring cos i decided to go for this makyong workshop. The story goes that Mr Abang Sir Effendy (i hope he gets mad if he ever happens to read this, i just boke all his rules) sent an email on tuesday about workshops being conducted throughout this week, organised by Magdalena. I read the email at 1am in the morning.
The Makyong Workshop caught my eye, mainly because i've never seen a makyong performance before. So i decide to set my alarm to 7am and call up the person in charge, to check whether they still had places. So i did and i went.

the workshop was from 9-12pm costing $25. I failed to read the email in detail and found myself in a room full of women, subtracting the makyong orchestra of fishermen and plantation workers from Kelantan. It was intimidating, but hey, i guess some people would argue that i would fit in just right seeing how femine i am.

The workshop was far too short and lacked alot of content, but it was nice to understand the basics of Makyong. Now i really wanna go Kelantan.

During lunch, i found out that the whole thing was an International Festival of Women in Contemporary Theatre. So what happened is that Magdalena called female artists from all over the world to meet up in Singapore and share their knowledge. It was like a camp kinda thing. Pretty cool. After which, there was a work demo for balinese dance, organised by Luh Luwih, the only all female gamelan ensemble (gamelan, dance and theatre). very interesting. Also they were gonna conduct two workshops on Kecak, in the next two days. I planned to go, but $25 for each session would just break me and i found myself extremely fatigued after that day. Will learn kecak at bali instead. InsyaAllah.

Went on a mission for a while, then went over to tapac. Auditioned for a Bangsawan at Sriwana. I think my fetish for lead Malay heroines has expanded to the traditional royal language of formalilty. getting horny already.
I dont think i'll get a part cos i auditioned 3 weeks late. But at least JM Halim(i think) said i had the voice. That was enough for me.

NJC's Preview. Met/Went with shikin and friend. Gauging the amount of trouble we might face when it came to our turn. One of the female actor, i think her name's shikin also, amused me like hell. how adorably she acted. i think it was an acceptable performance, seeing they only had two days of rehearsal.


Thursday,

aka yesterday, was like tuesday, PPP, in school. Confirmed technical cues, abit on makeup and stuff. Wee hoo.


Then today.
GOING TO TAPAC!!!!
YAY!!!


look at us making a fool of ourselves. Im plainly retarded, aida's all twisty, shikin's going all bhangra, Siti's playing peek-a-boo and shaza's imitating a gecko.

shoo exciting...
Pahlawan Putih

I woke up

and i found myself singing this song; trying to get the lyrics right.



This is dedicated to the PPP gang, whoever was there yesterday, and whoever that makes PPP worth experiencing till now.

i lop you
Pahlawan Putih

3 more days
3 more days
3 more days

and for 3 seconds after, elation
then 3 seconds of appreciation
followed by 3 seconds of reclamation

3 emotions

caused by 3 month's worth of nostalgia
of 3 people i would miss the most

looking at it, im at the last stretch to 3 years of my course after these 3 days.

3 projects to complete
3 new projects to embark on

3 minutes to get lost thinking about the future
3 seconds to get back in reality

3 more hours to work
Pahlawan Putih

Rela

kaki
haraplah
agar tersandung
turut terseliuh
lantas menanah
bila langkah meliung
maksiat yang dituju
kiblat salah arah

kerana aku sudah tidak rela
jasmani rohani hilang hala

jemari getar merana
dakapan tangis dan tawa

dada tegang semula
lumpuh maharajalela

leher gantung lemah
junjung beban semesta

dan beban semesta
dijunjung dan menjunjung
hajat nan bak nakhoda
memimpin tapak terkurung

harap lah wahai kaki ku
kerana lidah semakin kelu

dan doa turut terganggu...

Pahlawan Putih

Heavy

is my heart

There's just so much going on. and i am constantly driven to satiation of an emotion everytime.

Like on friday, i went to prayers at Ghufran and boy was it an emotional trip. I really like the Imam and how he made the doa into a poem, by rhyming the end of each line. And how his intonations drew humanity out of me. squeezed my tears out of me. and in a moment i become thankful for the ability to breathe.


If you dont already know, casting for PPP is done and over with. im pretty glad it happened cos CLASSIFIED: Projek Congkak, becomes OUR script more than my script. and it becomes OUR direction more than my direction. OUR voice, more than my voice. and i love how it becomes OUR blog more than the blog i designed. www.titisantemasek.blogspot.com

I am merely here to lay the foundation for which the team would have to anchor their pillars that would support our intentions, and the put up walls that would one day echo with our efforts, and plaster a ceiling from which our sweat will drip, welcomed, and construct a roof for which we will together sheild and protect what we've built.
Only then would the people, the audience and the judges furnish our home, either with praises or criticism.
But whatever the case, we'd still be proud we built this up together.

and a love affair is starting to blossom between us. Blossoming into a demure-looking poppy, that grows from affection to addiction. I love them. I love them all, although at the sametime i reminded im being selfish to want them to myself.



Then eka had to make my life more confusing then it already is. But i still love them too.

I think i'd be participating in the Singapore Young Dramatists Award (SYDA) 2006. which is awfully wicked.

and today i watched Suria Segar, for the first time in my life. Cos apparently, (i feel almost as if im bragging as i type this) in two weeks time, i'd be representing TP's participation in PPP for the show. Gawd.

The shocking part is not being on TV, cos even i dont watch the programme, but why i was chosen to go, with Fezhah and Big. I think eka likes to put people on the spot. heh.

and the day, 9th july happens to also be date due for lots of things like, the script, magic cue sheet etc. darn. I dont know. i hope i dont get excited to the point of being proud. and i better get comfortable talking to inanimate objects cos the camera aint my cuppa tea.


Then i got an invited for an assignment. Be photographer for MUIS family day. All expenses paid, paid trip. I'd have to meet them tomorrow and see how it goes. I hope i get a camera by then. *HUGE COLGATE SMILE AT MOM*

With all this, my mom wonders why i cant be bothered about my SIP? hurhur


Oh then i got pissed lah. When i logged on to my home's CPU. All my files were deleted. All my pictures, all my music, my works. dang. I should have transfered them to the Rosnah (my laptop) sooner. So much for a portfolio. : P

Now i cant wait for wednesday for which i'll be meeting my loves again.

Que sara sara
Pahlawan Putih

In Memory

of a woman i wanted to marry



never let media consume you
Pahlawan Putih

Comfort is reached when we fall asleep.



we slept with each other
Pahlawan Putih

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

hanya mentari membakar
tanah gersang akar
geliung pasir samar
angin kencang fajar

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

mungkin tak berpahala
dosa pun tak menimpa
nafsu takkan leluasa
badan takkan didera

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

tanpa keluarga
tanpa kawan, teman, rakan
tanpa garam dan gula
tanpa air minuman

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

hanya khayalan fana
hanya harapan buta
hanya pantulan masa
hanya kedahagaan saja

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

buat ku renung nostalgia
buat ku bina cita-cita
buat ku mimpikan telaga
yang akan lesap dahaga

tinggalkanku di Sahara
tanpa sesiapa

biar aku dilihatNya
yang telah mencipta
aku dan Sahara
Keduanya
mendamba
kasihNya

Pahlawan Putih

Calmly excited

yeah, basically in all this rush i find scraps of excitment beneath the jaded worries. Things are starting to evolve. to get done. to reach completion.

The cast was finally selected for PPP on tuesday. Man was it tough. To cast people for talent, and ability to work effectively as an ensemble.





Thats the beautiful cast

Before that picture was taken, we celebrated Zah's birthday, in the mango room.





You should've seen her face when she found out i bought for her kain songket that she mentioned she like the colour. kental.. So basically, now its about bonding. Like today was bonding day, very relaxed, very merepek. eg. Walking around bedok as a choochoo train.

Anyway, its been sometime since i've did a publicity thing, so yeah, my fingers got itchy






I implore for your forgiveness and your blessings
Pahlawan Putih

Dear Ili

tiada gunung yang ku tidak sanggup gali
untuk mendapatkan kemaafan darimu sesekali

tiada kerdipan bintang
yang setanding
pabila senyummu terbentang
tawa mengiring

hampa
tidak cukup bagiku
kerana
kecewa hanya satu
kedua
mendendangkan lagu
buta
pada yang merdu

Ia tidak akan lagi dibiarkan merasuk ku.
...................dibanjirkan dalam nadi ku
...................diizinkan nada suara ku.
...................dimbil kisah
...................di dalam hati

tanggal rasa megah
tinggal darah saja
Pahlawan Putih

Pent up

i really need to sit down, blog and organize my thoughts. They're running around, like little kids during engagements, in my head and just refuse to go out of the bride's room. Meaning they always come to mind as they bear huge significance, i guess. And according to Hana the kids just dont want to burn...

heh, part of that paragraph was refering to Hana's sister's engagement.


Thats Rafidah
As i was taking her picture, i couldnt shake off the feeling that i knew her for years already. Actually it applied to the whole family cos maybe i felt so at home.

I had so much fun. firstly it was quite a grand affair, with hantarans and all, and that i visited a community which reiterated diversity, cos throughout the process they were speaking in Tamil. I am sure my late grandfather spoke tamil too, but to see it live and kicking, still being practice is an eyeopener. Even the bride-to-be seem well versed. It ended well with 9 ladoos in my bag, cos i forgot about haider's share. hohoho
Oh, and the food, was delicious, trust me.

Now all i hope is that i can finish editing the pictures for them, before they go all restless. and a shout out to Rizal for taking the trouble to lend me Khelena.


After which i went to catch Fanaa, knowing I'll not get another off soon, for 10 smackeroonies @ GV Tampines. It was those treat-me movies outing.

all i can say it was a dissapointment. it seemed like it was written by more than two writers who compromised (more like couldnt compromise) too much that the vision became blur. I like the starting where they were exchanging verbal poetry, which rhymed in hindi, but it stopped there, like they didnt continue being poetic and all. I like the part where they showed the Islamic side of India. I like the part which justified Kajol's unsurpassed beauty. I like the satire in the begining, and the introduction of Jolly Good Singh, which could have been developed better.
Well, somethings just seem more promising than anything.


on to school things...
This saturday would be my attachment discussion session, i am expecting my acting skills to come in handy, heh.
More importantly, there's a test on Food Safety. Lucky for me Hazel volunteered to straighten out Package 1. So here's a shout out to a saviour.

i felt bad as i think im pulling my weight with my scraps of research i come out with, and the inability to meet up, even online, due to my stupid shift work.

sheesh. and now i have yet to complete the ppp script. ideas are on standby, so i just need time to sit down and rework the script. feeling the presure.


Thinking positive, at least now, im (almost) 2/3 done with my attachment.

And I've seen the disguised blessing.
Apparently it was meeting people more than gaining experience. I meet all sorts of people everyday. But the most interesting are those that work in the store themselves.

Like Jacky, 19, thin stick figure guy with boundless enthusiasm (except when he has to throw rubbish), who is a malaysian, lives in Ipoh, has a motor bike there, youngest of 3 children, staying in sengkang. What i like about him is he brings fresh perspective to my already jaded vision. that is in his richly malaysian malay.

and Agus, 21, pleasantly suprising a balinese from Denpasar (its a sign i tell you, we must pack our bags already) has a band there, plays the djembe, has this really cool tattoo on his right fore arm, somewhere near the elbow, left a cewek there, and has offered to bring me around bali after his 6 months.
Two handsome dudes roughing it out in burger king. I feel less than purposeful there when we're working together. Cos we are like the 3 musketeers.. all standing at the counter, serving the service industry!

Then there's Reshma, a girl who did diploma in hospitality and tourism and also doing attacment there. Indian National from Tamil Nadu. where exactly i forgot. Kesian. Dah indian minority, kena attachment kat lubang taik pulak.

Then there's Aunty Ban Leng, fiesty thin stick woman who's doing overnight shift to provide for her mother and herself. She does 5-10 at NTUC, somewhere in pasir ris and goes straight to bk. Very annoying but i still try to talk to her.

Then there's Shiau Yoong who blanjaed me and jacky McFlurry. she's the team leader and wraps burgers in 3 seconds flat. very nice lah. So thats my tour of the people behind the counter top.
one more month, one more month.


So for now, i just need to organise my other thoughts. and be further prepared for 2006, the year people pick fights with Irfan.

Meyeluk perkasam, biar sampai ke pangkal lengan

Rasa-rasa rasa terasa?
Pahlawan Putih

Reason

The reason i've been missing my mom is that ever since SIP started, i've only manage to see her less than an hour each day, excluding weekends. When she wakes me up for subuh, and when she returns from school in the afternoon, as im getting ready to go out.

I miss the times i would be that annoying son who sits beside her as she does her doas after prayer. I mean its the only time i regard as 'me and mom' time. dang.

And now, its even worst cos she, bapak and the two younger ones are off doing umrah.
No mother to irritate. Im getting withdrawal symptoms.

anyway sweet of her to stock up the house with maggi mee and myojo tom yam.

Back next Friday. InsyaAllah she and family would reach home in best of health.

amin
Pahlawan Putih

Stag-nancy

Yes, my updates have been less than frequent. I would apologise but i guess you've realised that it is caused by the busy busy scheduled that i have chosen to put myself in.

Especially this week, where PPP's phase two workshops are being conducted. Im not complaining or anything its just that i wish i could have gotten off for one week to attend the workshops. Then again, phase two workshops are less exciting, compared to the first phase. Maybe in the duration between the two phases, expectations build up subconciously and thus when not accomplished, becomes dissapointment. Or maybe it was because the participants were not as 'on' as they were. I sensed that it was more of an obligation than a necessity for some. Or maybe its just the weather. (yeah, convenient to blame it on the weather) Nonetheless i had fun.

On monday, Lighting with Zizi. If you all didnt know, i have a sorta little crush (hajar would disagree) on her. hurhur. Theres an aura humble sophistication around her. Back to the workshop, it was conducted at the Play Den, Arts House. The place, like Zizi, was humbly sophisticated. I like. But the best thing was seeing Elnie, first thing in the morning. I like the way she'd light up the room with her wide smile, and how sarcastic she can be sometimes.

which brings me to today, when i was supposed to be going for a voice and acting workshop. For the past two days i have been waking up at hours ranging from 3am to 5am cos theres an abdominal pain, that's basically telling me i need to release the pent up passion in me. hurhur. its those times when you really feel like dying cos you're in the toilet sweating buckets and there's this pain that would not die. to top it all, you're in need of sleep. So i msged elnie, apologising profusely for not being able to inform them of my absence as i was 'cringing in the toilet'. and she replied to take good care and drink lots of water. very nice of her. :D

mmm kay, back to monday. i just wished i could have stayed till 5. sigh.

then on tuesday, met with sani hussein and effendy. Its it me or are the workshops seemingly shorter than they should be? The highlight of the acting workshop was the pledge thing.

i dunno, suddenly i loss the will to write.

mybe cos doom awaits me in 3 hours's time

ARGH
Pahlawan Putih

Seams start to burst...

and her breasts spills from her chest.

The line was somewhat similar to the one in the story as told by sita. I think Eli has nice lips. which is somewhat random.

but seriously,

the string is starting to fray
and in its taut nature, it threatens to snap
would it snap if the trees did not reach their arms out,
to caress the line, and tangle in its affairs
at this moment when the kite's ascending
painstakingly slowly,
but still ascending?

if only people listened to themselves.
Pahlawan Putih

If Saturday never ends.

woke up, bright and early.
first engagement for the day, titisan training. It became a great affair when we realised it would be the first training for the freshies. To me, the curiously large number is amusing, alarming and alhamdulillah-ing at the same time. I grew nervous, and soon worry sank in as i tried to take lead of the workshops, modifying as we moved along to make suitable for a huge crowd. Yet, a very fun, creative, breath of fresh air. I'm looking forward to meeting them again this wednesday.



what touched me the most was their feedback during de-brief. gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. thanks guys. to think that i might be changing other people's lives.... as if paying it forward. thanks to eka, noble of them to spread the bug.
oh my, do i see talent?


afterwards we followed zah to her collegue's dad's wake. it was a taoist funeral, and it sure was exciting, to the point of being almost rude. the elaborate details. the mismatched colours. the pantangs. the red string they gave to visitors.



i regarded it more as a culture that a religious practice. to tie the red string loosely to any one of your fingers and to let it drop, when in oblivion/ not concious of it slipping down your finger, is to bring good luck / void bad luck, even after attending a funeral. very coolness.


our hunger amplified in the afternoon heat, got the best of us. soon we made our way in search of food, some where near city hall to facilitate an easy journey to the substation. Gedebak gedebuk, we found ourselves at Secret Recipe marina bay. Late lunch was on zah, and boy was it good. i had vietnamese beef noodles.



Stuffed with great food, we made our way to the esplanade for a quick visit to the library. borrowed a couple of eccentric CDs -indian classical, indonesian guitars and a vcd on indonesian dance, in accordance to area. also a book that illustrates classical javanese dance. (thinking of using it for ppp)

Anyway, after which, we headed to the substation to catch mentah III just in time.
The first play by faralina, seemed promising, but delievered very directly, and very...tackily? It just didnt react with me.
Second one by faezah, very beautiful, i loved the performance. much cohesive compared to the first one, although they had similaries in having 3 lead female characters. I really really enjoyed it.

The night ended with a bang of course. Zizi's piece, was the best in my opinion. i enjoyed both the script and the performance. Siti Khalijah is one praise-worthy actress. she's really something. anyway, the script and the whole idea of the hopscotch thing, is really really good. how each scene is an intergral part of an intricate network of the story line. I loved it. and it was similar to the vision i had imagined ppp to be.




:)
Pahlawan Putih

nâ'staljeeu

when everything was starting to settle, the ground rambled and rumbled.

for now, im tryng to contain my logic from ever finding an emotion suitable for the expression and expulsion of the tension i have in me.

anyway, i had an off day on wednesday. Tried to complete parts of PPP script but due to distractions and a certain relaxing pill, it came to no avail. After which, when i was supposed to be in a dilemma about which 'event' to go for, i left tampines for tanjong pagar. There was a titisan + snt orientation in school, but instead of being one more person to feed egg and sardine sandwiches (hehe, dee) i thought i went to tapac to be in love again.
i dont know why but i really love that place. Sriwana was fun. much needed. though it made my leg cramps worst. heh. We're learning Serampang 12, and i got really excited to know that the 12 ragams (thus called Serampang 12) has a poem attached to them, that brings a symbolism for people to interpret.

a real good ending to day.
Another highlight of that faithful wednesday, was stopping halfway on the pathway to school, squating down like eager little children and triggering bouts of memories. Me, aida and hajar were running our aged fingers along the stalk, briefing molesting each leaf, playfully teasing every blade, and gasping to the sight of those pink frozen mini-fireworks.
Does its effort in hiding the green and turning a glossy maroon depict immediate shyness, or merely an arrogant display of hermitism?

i had fun.

I have many things to blog about.

but it seems time is not on my side. i have two deadlines drawing closer. and im stuck doing ot. Half the time, i m running around on my off day. It doesnt make it an off day now does it?

Tomorrow is another 'day off', sponsored by the kind hearts of my managers.
im going to wake up before 8, be in school by 8.50 and meet new tits members.
Then in the evening, im going of to the substation to watch mentah 3: barisan puteri-puteri I'm so exsaiyted, i juss caint haidit



Its been quite sometime. I need my dose of mental stimulation.

for now its off to bed

i pray that i have Faith, and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy

for if i am not, i am at loss

Wa'l Asr
Pahlawan Putih

Snap

I was browsing through the picture i took with my phone and realised that most of them were in the moment shots. i think i really am a feeling person. heh



this was taken at the mosque compounds on a Friday. It was raining quite heavily. Soon after taking this picture, i join the group of men sitting on the flooded canvas. Very very feeling. I love the rain. And i'll gladly be drenched in rain for the Almighty. Praying in the rain was one of the most peacful things i've ever done. To strip myself of my pride and let the rain embrace every inch of my weathered skin.

I never liked it when people ran in the rain. or sheltered themselves as if acid was pouring from the sky. (well technically, rain water is acidic)
Rain is what connects me with my childhood, my nostalgia.




This picture was taken after my visit to Dr Chen, and clinching a 3 day MC. I was walking along memory lane basically. where i used to queue up in two straight lines, clad in red and blue, trying to unwrap a hazlenut flavoured sweet that made my fingers sticky, and the ever changing playground, that made me queue for a ride on its iron scented chain swings, that made me slide down head first, that made me chase my peers, chased by my peers, losing a button or two, and lastly i was back at Aunty Mala's Shop, the layout has barely changed, excluding the additions of some new display shelfs and sort. Aunty Mala herself hasnt aged that much, she was still the image i had of her when i was a kid.

Back to the picture, being broke after visiting the doc, i was left with only 10cents. So yeah, i got the ice lolly thing. Come to think of it, it never really had an offical name kinda thing. Ice batu, 10cent thing... Neway, i was shocked it was still 10cents. I thought by now they had found an excuse to increase the price to 20cents or something. So they i was, almost skipping back home, with a 3-day mc in my bag and a cool treat in my hand.




This was while me and hajar was uncovering the black plastic that became the background for the MAG noticeboard. MAG was once called Malay Cultural Society. A few theories to why it was dissolved down to Malay Arts Group, is that numbers depleted, so it couldnt be a society, and the introduction of Sri Temasek.
More interesting than the dead bugs we saw.




This is a picture of aunty. A lady that wipes tables and washes tray for a living. I was tryna compare her and the symbolic Changi Airport Tower, i used to call it the "Botol susu" (translated "Milk bottle"). She might have seen the land that construction workers laid cement on for the airport. She might have seen the virgin soil.
Nowadays, generally, i've made it a point to listen to people more. anybody basically. Cos i always happen to find a colourful background, and a myriadic story they'd like to share.

These days, pleasure comes in the form of mee maggi ayam with slices of one chili padi. The best part is when i purposely bite on to one.

I miss the way you made me feel like a little boy. I miss you saccharine voice.

Do i see buds blooming, or buding blooms?
Pahlwan Putih

2006

not a good year for me. Definately. Plans made, will never be executed. Which makes me more of a pessimist more than i already am and gives new meaning to the saying "Fail to plan, plan to fail".

I think this year would be about grounding myself. Weathering, through exposure with the elements of failure. Rooting my identity in light of the vengeful hurricanes.

(Maybe its the chain emails i never bothered to read/send. All that pent up karma)

Its taking alot. I would really need solace, consolation, relief.

Have We not expanded for you your breast,
And taken off from you your burden,
Which pressed heavily upon your back,
And exalted for you your esteem?
Surely with difficulty is ease.
With difficulty is surely ease.
So when you are free, nominate.
And make your Lord your exclusive object

If 'With difficulty is surely ease' then is with ease surely difficulty?
Surah 94: Al-Inshirah.

I've watched Rabun, Thanks to Kakak Kirah a.k.a queersoul. I will Yasmin Ahmad no matter what. Talk about that soon.

For now i think i'll go wash up and then do some reading as promised.

Fainna maAAa alAAusri yusran,
Inna maAAa alAAusri yusran
Pahlawan Putih

Swell

Everything's fine for now. Just that maybe things are very stagnant these days. (Update your blogs, yes you) Always looking forward to my off-days, and days i can just chill with my buddies.
Currently, I've been putting off alot of researching, thus plenty of reading to do. Especially for PPP script and Food Safety.

Anyway, Excitement came knocking on my door in the form of Farhana(nadia's cousin/dramatec). Her sister is getting engaged in June, and apparently she likes my photographs, as seen in this site. I am asked to be the cameraman for the event!
Wow kan. More exciting than the fact its gonna be an indian-ish engagement (well im hoping it is) is that it would be a start of a new career. hohoho

which brings me to my motivation to finish SIP.
I've decided to make the best out of the grueling internship and save my earnings to get a Digital SLR camera. Its funny i that i dont know what SLR actually stands for, but i really just want those cool bulky cameras that provides pictures with the gift of aperture. So yeah I m saving and making a deal with mother.

I think she's really tired of me whining on and on about not wanting to go to work and blah blah blah. And i keep testing her on her stand regarding me just failing the internship now to stay back for an additional semester.
"Jangan nak merepek" would nicely sum it up.

I saw the opportunity. I made the deal. hahaha so sneaky of me. And i've always associated my negotiations, and informal agreements with mother, with the appeasement of Hitler before the breakout of WW2. hohoh. So its agreed that if i complete this grueling test of will and endurance, a purchase would be made, and i shall be happy, contented and not forgeting thankful. InsyaAllah.

endurance is the key here. Now that i've found my motivation, i hope it would be easier.

For the fact that my family would be off to Makkah while im stucked here chanting "chilli or ketchup", aida going off to bali, i might not get an off to be the photographer for the engagement, me missing indrah's engagement, me not contributing enough for Food safety, with me being a total idiot, and singing endlessly the song that got stuck in my head, new one everyday, it would take mountain loads of patience.

Luckily, im done with 1/4 of the internship. More annoyingly, it means PPP is drawing nearer.
I better start reading soon

Thinking about it, i would have met you if you never had tagged. Cos we'd be settling it like adults.

Wil nakaya falamang lan urulalayo~
Pahlawan Putih

Fragments taken for granted

One thing about SIP is i miss taking photos.
so here comes a kilobyte laden post. Hope you're using broadband.

The auntie ants crew + the monkey


Dee mentel

Cleopatra's long lost sister

Thanks for the Karkadeh

Sayang sama pokok... na na nanana

Mengapa tak seindah dulu? Een calls during breaks. Adi's at brunei.

Paluu.. Starting afresh

nak main shithead

shikin rox my sox

zah, "Faakitlah"

Dah somebody *slurp*

and lastly not forgeting the ever so patient yet annoying Ms Jajambo: stage manager, counsellor, "stop it eh", ms presidente.

In no particular order lor...
Pahlawan Putih

off day

and politics chucked aside. it gets tricky when you're dealing with people drunken with self glory, what ever that maybe, and dont seem to get the big picture. Do i need to hoist up a white flag and sign a declaration of independence?

Anyway today was my first ever approved request for an off day. I spent the whole day with titisan, in light of Arts Festival and PPP. It all started at 9am. Headed to school and got ready for a role as a roaming artist. The concept given to us was 'lagenda'. There was Saloma, PGL, tun fatimah, Satan, Angel, Wanita Melayu terakhir, Farah and myself as... swamp thing.
My costume was inspired by fared's character in In-con(se)quential. I think at this hingusan stage of my life, its perfectly normal to be partly replicating the professionals, and anyway imitation is the best form of flattery. hohoho

i liked the sound of the bells tied around my ankles


Farah, Setan, Saloma, PGL, Angel, Wanita Melayu Terakhir, TUN FATIMAH, and me.

after a two hour break, and washing the MAG logo off my back, we continued with PPP training. It was basically a warm up kinda workshop. i enjoyed it. worth my day off. But im quite worried yeah...

Dan luka darah merata
mungkin susah nak terima
mungkin sukar nak ubah
tetap kata kosong saja
Blog ini, salah tempat untuk terasa.
Oh...Jgn terasa.

I intended to blog this earlier, but due to some unforseen circumstances, it was delayed.

I remembered vaguely that, 25th of April was my mom's birthday. I was working and after my shift, i went to the nearest stores at changi airport. After alot of asking and browsing, i shortlisted a jar of expensive moisturiser and a tiny jewellery box that had a crafted caged bird as the top. Both around the same price. In the end, i settled with the moisturiser.


I felt its the image of my mom's rough hands and cracked feet that made the purchase. I was also thinking of writing her a poem, in the beauty of her sacrifices, that caused her hands to be opposite of what the media protray's a mothers hands to be, soft and almost silky. It could have been the chalk and the markers that teased her skin. The rough edge of piles of papers, stapled, stamped and sent off. The enormous significance rough hands, excites me. I think i will write a poem about that abnd send it as a mothers day card.

For now, its back to work
Pahlawan Putin

maybe i should put up pre-requisites to visiting this blog.

for apparently people tend to get very emotional about it. Even after/during NS. I could say, "dah dapat diploma/a'level baru boleh tag". What is NS? Merely an obligation. What you are, isnt me, what i am isnt you. I guess there's still a long way before you acheive maturity.

Sekali lagi, sesungguhnya aku hina.
sesungguhnya aku derhaka.
Manusia tak beralas, salah setiap balas.

The more you tag me, the more unreasonable you seem to become. The more weak you appear. The more afraid of me you seem.
If you really are Emas like you said to be, you'd have ignored the pentas comments from the start.

Kalau ye aku budak hingusan, (dan sememangnya aku itu)
apa lagi nak kata?
Memang aku tak boleh push-up 10 kali.
Aku takkan dusta tentang diri ku.
Aku tak malu. Aku senang kelu.

Tetapi yang aku heran, kalau benar aku budak hingusan, kenapa masih nak tegur aku. Kalau aku dah memang angkuh, kenapa mesti terus mengata? atau adakah ia mengapa? kenapa terus membuangkan masa dan tenaga kepada mengutuk setiap tindakan ku? Jawablah soalan ini dahulu...

Dan blog ini? ia hanya lah tempat aku menyusun memori dan kenangan yang lalu. dan melepaskan geram, kerana aku penakut. ya. untuk ku renungkan kembali satu hari nanti. Kalau dah puas, tak sudi, naik lemas, tunduknya padi, silalah tekan X yang terletak di bahagian kanan window ini.

dan aku bersalah,
menyimbah minyak ke api
mengharap kan tanah
bawaku kembali

cara kau tersendiri
cara aku tersendiri

ambil peluru, buat ganti

Memucat di hadapan peluang...
Pahlawan Putih

Explain yourself

I dont think i owe anyone an explaination but this is just for the record.

It started with the post dated 5th april.
apparently it caused alot of unhappiness among the directors of Pentas itself. cos they worked really hard. Directors refering to Firdaus (fid), amin, mamat and farhaanah.

After which i was called for a meeting late at night at as-salihin to talk about the post. it ended peacefully. more like pissfully, but i just kept quiet. After the meeting, it was agreed that gave my apology to all four of the respective directors who were "offended". Up till now, i've only apologised to Fid sincerely. I havent been meeting mamat or farhaanah so i guess i still OWE them an apology.

I presume this is what Fid meant by
"
fid
hutang darah dibayar darah... hutang mu sudah selesai?

fid
manusia berpegang kepada janji... masih menanti..."

Which i replied with
"
pahlawan
jangan mengharapkan darah ribut,
kerana darahkan berhenti mengalir,
dek keikhlasan yang dituntut,
takkan sampai hulu atau hilir

pahlawan
Selagi pipit mengharap,
selagi itulah ia terperap,
dalam sangkar ia meratap,
menanti tidak lenyap"

Which meant, you cannot force something like sincerity out of someone. And for me, i abhored expectations. Cause with expectations the more i didnt want to do something. Im no bloody mule, to listen to your every commands. And to tag it to my blog, with no bloody discretion. What is fid trying to do? create a big hoo haa. Then fine...

Then fid replied with
"
fid
to AIDA: hutang emas, hutang apa? hutang budi, hutang siapa? N dont apologise for mistakes? hahaha... teruslah belajar....

fid
to anonymous: if ppl hu borrowed, PATHETICALLY, paid up as promised, there wudden BE any loansharks, would there....?

fid
bukan pipit menanti, tapi kiwi sinis memerli... helang terbang tinggi, tapi hama di kaki...

fid
misan diberi, hampas kembali.... "

To me it was exceptionally rude lah. Firstly im not helang, not flying high. and to associate an apology to a debt and to a 'hama'... really got me tired.just bloody idiotically tired. then..

"pahlawan
sekali lagi, jangan mengharapkan yang bakal jadi. dan sedarlah pendirianmu. aku kenal tanggungjawabku. tak usah hama jadi samudera...

fid
pendirian aku ......?

pahlawan
renunglah depan muka air,
keangkuhan yang mengalir"

I admit the last comment was abit of a personal attack, cos the meeting on 14th of april was quite torturous. i've come to accept the fact that there would be indeed people who are too full of themselves but not notice it in the way they speak.

then...

"sibacin
jgn begitu kawan2...first class baik sencond class pon baik...

pahlawan
unfortunately it has nothing to do with class/caste. it deals with how people think they're too good for their own good

pahlawan
handphone ada, tapi masih nak post kat blog org... padahal, padahal... "

Soon after, during SIP...

Fid msgs
"Ah ni aku dah msg. tak kat blog. malam ni aku nak jumpa
eh kau kat skolah kan? malam jumpa kat techno" (somewhere along the lines)

My reply
"Dah tumpah baru nak ubah?

Kalau nak telek
madu sirih jampi
bukan nak ejek
aku tgh SIP
Malam tak balik
siang tak fre
tulislah emaik kek
malas nak jumpa lagi"


Fid replies while im busily working... how convenient right?

"Malas ke bacul? Sampai bila kau nak lari? Kau da salah jolok sarang lah... Sekarang aku nak jumpa pahlawan. Anak jantan. bukan kedi sembunyi di balik skrin."

"Kau kerja mac changi, kau tinggal tamp central. Sekali lagi, dengan baik aku ajak jumpa. Aku tak faham ape hal kau. Marilah jumpa. Aku takkan cepuk kau sayangnye. Polis pun banyak. Cuma nk tahu ape hal kau nk hina, nk caci. Mana2, bila2... Malam ni.."

Then Yan gets in the picture. A msg from his number.
"Bacul."

My reply
"Sesungguhnya aku kedi
jual badan di changi
idam kemaluan lelaki
dah besar nak jadi bini
andai kena kuti
lari ke mummy
isap ibu jari
Cakap apa kau nak
Ngomel sepuas tidak

I have no motivation to meet you. I had no intention to diss you. And i have no pleasure in listening to you.

bingit dgr pipit nyayi
puji diri sendiri
ni aku tgh keje ni
tolonglah berhenti"

bak pepatah Zah, Faaakkit lah! Im bloody not well, drowsy on medication, suffering in SIP and have no available free time, and here i have a person who is annoyingly pesterful and exactly what he describe me as. Im sorry but you're the one who barked up the wrong tree,a.k.a. salah jolok sarang. You could've approached me discreetly and not put the pressure on my sincerety. but instead, you thought you should cause some waves.
ombak akan kembali ke pantai juga

and Faaakkit lah to what you have to say. Cause i've grown immune.

Have you ever thought that maybe i dont want to meet cos i keep visualising an image of me summmarising all my suppressed anger in one punch, and another image of me in court for manslaugther? your not worth it. not at all.

To think after my shift i get a msg from Yan
""yo bro. sori tadi bukan aku msg. Fid amek hp aku"
Conteng arang dimuka sendiri...


And not forgetting the people who contributed their 2 cents for the progress package...

"Kuching Hitam
Bergini lah dunia bila org sudah pandai berjalan akan lupa kesusahan bertatih..inilah yg dikatakan hidung tercucuk ke langit..baru pandai berjalan dah penuh ngan angkuhan.."

Siapakah anda untuk menegur insan? Sembunyi dibelakang nak berteguran. Andai namamu disebarkan, akan ku dengarkan teladan, tetapi malah, hanya menyalak belakang dandan


"nana
kata-kata mu penuh ke angkuhan yang tidak bertempat."

Harap baca lagi, mungkin dengan teliti. Ada banyak interpretasi. Kata-kata ku ikut kesesuaian hati, dari sumber yang hina lagi keji.


"Van Der Troll
Sangat berbunga kata2mu itu..."

Terima kasih. tetapi kadang kala, bunga pun beracun.


"kuda putih
pahlawan putih,indah dan tajam kata2 mu.tapi sayang. keris mu hanya pandai melakar kan amarah mu di tempat ini tapi bila sudah bersua keris mu terus s"

Terima kasih untuk menyuluh bilik yang sudah terang. Sememangnya aku sadar akan kebenaran ini ketika mabuk dalam amarah yang di katakan. Moga dengan pesanan ini, keris ku kan lebih tajam lagi, dalam melakar, biarpun bersua. InsyaAllah.


"...
full of attitude sark... tsktsk. ckp baik2 tak boleh ke.... nice language. but oh so tajam."

Your msg got me confused. Nonetheless thank you for the progress package that i do not deserve. still under 21 years old.


I think the stanza that put people off is
"dan jangan cuba
andai bakat tiada
nak kata berbunga
sambil memerli ana"
Try reading it again.. it would make more sense. Im merely countering an attack.


For now, JUST FAAAAKKITT LAH......


Choose your protagonist and your antagonist
Pahlawan Putih

benarkah tiada bagi ku ruang di hatimu untuk ku bertapak
walaupun sejengkal jari agar dapat ku berdiri diambang pintumu

Pendirian

setinggi manakah bumi yang kau pijak
sehingga hidung tercucuk langit
sejauh manakah bumi yang kau lonjak
sehingga kepala tersentak tumit

semerah manakah isi buah kepala
sehingga busuk masaknya emas
sematang manakah minda anda
sehingga nak ajar yang asas

layakkah kau berkata?
mungkin adil saja


Malah
layakkah aku mendengarkannya?

layakkah kita mengejar yang niskala?


dan jangan cuba
andai bakat tiada
nak kata berbunga
sambil memerli ana

Kerana ana khinzir
dan sudah tak kuasa
kata yang menzahir
ana tepiskan sana

Bukan emas yang menentukan dirinya emas,
malah, hanya jauhari yang cukup waras....

dan berdesinglah lagu pipit
dan menggatal kibasan lalat
terpaksa menuli walau perit
terpaksa mengalah ikut hajat

Wallahu 'alam
Pahlawan Putih

To my dismay

Tumpat didnt manage to go through to the semi-finals.
I am just really dissapointed with myself, for not being able to participate and/or watch the performance. I am dissapointed with what it takes to go through.
But i am not dissapointed with us. Orphans of the art form, with blind, but undying passion.
I am dissapointed that this dissapoinment may well be the one where we become weary and tired to go any further.
What does it makes us then?

Earlier in the afternoon, The Incredibles was airing on Disney channel. After a watching with great attention, i slowly remembered that it was the movie that Ardi, indrah and myself watched together at woodlands. then i remembered on another occasion at orchard where me adi and indrah watched a movie. and the time i got my first pay and went shopping with indrah adi bapak mizan at Sim Lim. Sigh, the nostalgia bothers me more than the memories.

It seems our lifes is always being dictated by someone else. Obligatory functions.

I want to savour my youth.
Pahlawan Putih

Sad

I just thought about it. then i became abit melancholic. This would be my second time missing Mega Perdana. The last time was as i had to answer the call of god through umrah.
Today is the preliminaries. And i didnt get off from work. I really wanted to sing the song. At least i contributed by writing the lyrics. One which i hope will help us to advance to the semi-finals (insyaAllah).


The theme is: Penggilap Permata (the Precious Stone Shiner?)
My Lyrics was inspired by Gubra.

Maryam dan Anak-anaknya

Juara
“Janganlah kau patah hati
moga mimpi tercapai nanti
agar gembira tak luka lagi
dengan berkat doa Illahi

sudahlah nasib, suratan diri
buruk dan baik semua rezeki
ku tanya bumi, kenapa harus begini
mungkinkah sudah ditakdirkan kami

jangan menangis, janganlah sedih
duka ini ku pernah alami
ia sementara, pasti akan pulih
sabarlah saja, tegak berdiri”


Yengki
Mula bercakar di ahkir hari
nyalanya suar, padam mentari
mula berusik jari jemari
kilau pudar, menerkam hati

satu malam selam behari
habis manis sepah dibuang
cari teduh, gendongan ‘mummy’
digilap pulih pagi ke petang


Kelantan
Kain rendam air mawar
diterap kepada luka
asah, asuh, sampai wajar
sampai duka malap juga

Siap-siap untuk sambar
dandan untuk bersedia
‘My’ pastikan hilang calar
biarpun wajah atau jiwa

agar permata tidak retak
dalam hidup cari rezeki
nan bak pintu tak berpasak
perahu tak berkemudi

haus kain meresap duka
nampak pula bayangannya
sebab ‘anak’ cerminannya
sebab nasib hampir sama


Pattani
Ah Mari Mari

singgahlah ke lorong mummy
hanya pada malam hari
bunga raya akan kembang berseri

pagi?
duduk berselang kaki
kepala dipangku mummy
merintih

dalam hati (mummy)
dilafazkan doa kepada Illahi
agar sumpah kemiskinan
tidak terus menghantui


Matang
di balik kilau, belakang dandan
terdapat silau kemanusiaan

siapakah yang berhak tentukan?
nilai dan nasib, jadi tanggungan

layakkah kita mengeji intan?
jauhari pun tak kemampuan


Penutup
Ala ewa, ewa bulan
ewa bulan teraju tiga

kisah ini mungkin dasar dongengan
permata berharga kerana intinya

The set talks about how a Mamasan, i named her Maryam, not only shapes up the prostitutes after every night of torture, an obligation due to poverty, but also consoles the heart to withstand this suffering, and the whole section of juara, is her prayer to God, in hope that someday they will all earn a modest living, freed from the shackles of prostitution.

I dont think it is a good piece as i only scratched the surface when i was dealing with the theme. And i had a hard time giving my all, since there were many other events that took place, so the writing process was more or less fragmented. Anyway, im JUST Senikata Harapan (Potential Lyrics), not the best of the best.


Work has been fine. After 3 days, i was put to working counter. It looking much better than before. Especially since Zah and Shikin rox paid a visit. Thanks so much guys. Including Jajambo and Kiky. That super made my day. and Where's wally? that made my night hohohoh
But i dunno. I just dont know. So bloody idiotic that they had to include a subject for me to take while doing SIP. When will i find the time? All the other time is required for rest and whining about work. Really.

Apparently my request to have wednesdays in an earlier shift created a hoo-ha with the HR and all. At least one week is going to end, and that leaves 11 more.

I bought a caramel frap yesterday after work, to divert my displeasure from my aching feet. Caramel frappes never tasted so orgasmic. Im serious. It was eye rollingly delicious.

still thinking about getting an MC. Im having minor diahoerrea

~ cair, ~ kambing, ~ lalat
Pahlawan Putih

all i wanna do is go out with you
but that i had to sacrifice too

i miss you

Bag me up

and drown me in that vile pool of vegetable shortening. and press 3 for 1min 10 seconds. Cos thats enough time, compared to this seemingly endless torture they call an internship, to alleviate me of this suffering.

If you guys havent already found out by word of mouth, or msn messenger, which ever applicable, im doing my Student Internship Programme (SIP) at/in Burger King. Changi Airport Terminal 2.
2 years ago, in late January i joined the team at the same outlet. At that time it was located at where Macdonalds is now. Then after a month or two, we shifted. I lasted only for 3 months. And this time my SIP is 3months also.

I'm begining to think God has a morbid sense of humour. Its like deja vu.

The problem is the routines, the same sour faces, the uncommunicative manager and the bloody annoying shoes, which are mine (my fault). I feel like quiting and failing SIP. But i know better. Im going to bite my lip till it bleeds before i would actually quit. Im going to go deaf listening to all that hokkein in the kitchen before i quit. Im going to the toilet more often and recite the pledge (maybe doing something that inflitrated my mind since childhood would be a good measure of mental stability.)

Lucky for me Aida loaned me A Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez after the one i borrowed from the library passed it's due date. Im reading it on the journey to work, to provide me with stimulation.


Sometimes i wonder, whether i've sacrifice too much for my involvement in the arts. Like i could be in school, doing normal office hours. But no... I could be a good student and sticking to the schedule, but no.. i had to request. darn it lah. But the thing is i never want to say, "i hope in the end its worth it" cos it may not be. I'm begining to think God has a morbid sense of humour. Its like deja vu. (have you read that before? was it deja vu?)
okay, lets see. Im juggling TP/SIP, Titisan/PPP, Tumpat/Mega Perdana, Sriwana and working to keeping my prayers. (which reminds me i have yet to isyak) (tu lah, nak ikut cara ~wan segala ~wan)

Anyway being in the airport, i always see a lot of SIA girls.
My dream has always been to do it with them.
Doing it means stewarding. hohoh actually not. i just wanted you guys to think funny thoughts.

im going crazy here. Where's my knight in shining armour?
uh...
How about a night in shining ardour?
just one night will do.

Pinta bulan jatuh atas riba

Minta bulan lalu pantas saja
Pahlawan Putih

Amorphia

I imagine
My life to be that 5 seconds before the MRT doors slide open. The wait is insignificant, but nonetheless it kills me.
My life to be the 10 seconds after the door slides open, and a coincidental congregation of people rush madly to vie for a spot on the escalator, by any means necessary.
My life to be that second when incovenience searches for his/her ez-link card at the mouth of the gate that would set me free.
My life to be that lifetime i spend waiting for a train, pondering over how many pairs of sole touched the cold fabricated floor, and how many wore off, leaving a trail of cold fabricated sole.

My life is like rush hour at Raffles Place. Midnight, i sit, basking in the stillness of the air, revisiting the day that passed, readying myself for the day to come.


Anyway i have lots to blog about so hang in there.

I think Zah is eccentricly photogenic. She can carry many expressions.
I think i'll call her to model for some more of my pictures.


Wawasan 2020


sayu


Krayon!


ana khinzir, wa zalika khinzir


the evening at the esplanade

That was after outdoor training at Marina Bay, and after their initial plans to go sentosa were cancelled. I kinda missed my camera, so it was really exciting just to be taking photos. Then I had my mesyuarat teragung at As-Salihin, which turned out to be more than i expected. i like.


Anyway,
"You still working at pink blossom?"
(that line has been stuck since whenever.)
Seriously, Anyway,
i wanted to share this

"Assalamualaikum

In this country that i was born and grew up in, that i hope to get married and raise a family and see my children grow up well and raise their own families in, that i hope to make clear sense of life and of living and be able to believe and have my beiefs questioned and requestioned and learn to beieve again in, that i hope to live safely and happily among persons and peoples of various skin colour of various tongues of various gods of various desires of various displacements of vaious vices in, that i hope will never have to see her persons and peoples bear arms and kill and be killed to defend and protect her form harm in, that i hope will take care of me when i grow old and in need of help to clean myself and then die peacefully and be remembered well in... In this country, i learn that secularism often means to deny the self to not threathen the other

Noor Effendy Ibrahim (Producer's Message for Projek Suitcase)"

I smiled soon after reading it. I only got a chance to really read it a few days ago. Salvaged from the depths of my bottomless Under-the-bed.


This would bring me to the anotology of malay plays produced by ekamatra, Bisik. Yes, like Fad, i have been reading the book which featured 3 renowned playwrights, Noor Effendy Ibrahim, Adli 'Alin' Mosbit and Alfian Saat. I read the plays according to no particular order, and the first one i read was already mind bogling.

Ahmad by Noor Effendy Ibrahim
Somehow it reminded me A. Samad Said, due to all the repetitions. Simply complex. but my favourite of his 3 plays would be Cerita Cinta. I liked it very very much. (very very)

Ikan Cantik by Adli 'Alin' Mosbit
My favourite of her 2. Pleasantly hilarious as i've seen/met some of the cast before so i could roughly imagine how hysterical they would be. I liked how it approached the women's standing issue. How it questions.
Now i see the similarity.

Anak Bulan di Kampung Wa’ Hassan by Alfian Saat
Im still trying to imagine how the actor did it. Such a prolific play. I feel like reading it again.
Mr Alfian would be one of the Judges for PPP06.


And this brings me to Pesta Peti Putih 2006 (July 25, 27 and 29)

We had our first briefing + workshop last thursday. It was super. Nice to see everyone contributing energy. even the Nadi-ans. I will look forward to these meetings. Will look forward to working together.
Its times like this, i see the human face of our Malay Arts Group.

The identity that dwells in the corners of our hearts, which only surfaces when we manage to put aside our pride and block out personal desires. And when you see that face, you never want to close your eyes, your heart, or stop the passion from flowing.

6 days left
Pahlawan Putih

This post is dedicated to Mohd Noramin B Mohd Farid.
For all the times you've mis-interpreted my posts. and all the instances where i wasnt specific with the subjects of my compositions / victims of my scrutinisations.


Inspired by Kalbun



Aku khinzir.

Aku disumpah sepanjang zaman
dengan badan yang asalnya najis,
tetapi bila menjadi santapan
haram! walaupun dagingku manis

Yang ku makan najis
yang ku berak najis
yang ku kencing najis
yang ku mandi najis
yang ku selimuti najis
yang ku sanjungi najis
yang ku cinta najis
yang ku rindu najis
yang ku tagih najis
yang ku kata dengan sinis

Dan tebal memang kulit ku
yang bisa sudah biasa
dan yang kau kata itu
benar benar belaka

kerana aku khinzir
dan kalau aku bukan
kenapa pantas menjelir
dan terus berjalan?

Aku memang dasar penakut
tetap akan bersembunyi
balik lumpur dan rumput
kerana hati penuh sangsi

dan yang hitam
ku kata putih
yang malam
ku kata hari
yang kelam
ku kata jernih
yang geram
ku kata sedih
yang bayam
ku kata sirih

yang kau muram
ku tak hirau lagi

ingat kata-kata ku tak bermakna ini

kerana

Ana Khinzir
Wa Zalika Khinzir

"Aku babi,
Dan kau juga babi"

Sekiranya aku buta
bau kohong kau kan ku hidu
kata kosong kau kan ku dengar
dendam pahit kau kan ku tinggal begitu

Kesedaran itu permulaan
Pahlawan Putih

Writings

There i was
allowing the beach to embrace my limbs
allowing the breeze to slither down my neck

shutting off visual senses
allowing the waves sing their monotonous lullaby
allowing the blanket of moonlight comfort me

then i sat up.
cleared the sand of its
natural indentations
to give a smooth surface

i allowed the collective feeling
of particles running against my skin
inspire me
then with my finger
i wrote...

"Kata diukir atas pasir
tetap akan luput jua
kalau bukan kerana
desir angin kencang,
kikisan ombak garang,
jejak jajah orang,
hati mungkin berubah...."

Dan itulah itu
lumrah manusia

Minta bantu, ulat dan naga
Pahlawan Putih

Pentas Akar Aku

Sekilas pandang
Sejenguk belakang

Alhammdulillah it went quite well. Quite well that some people actually enjoyed it. I think the only problem with PENTAS 05/06 is repetition. Akar aku, a battle between culture and mordenisation, which was not more intently portrayed, has already been mention a few thousand times already, if not an issue of catergorising the protagonist and the antagonist.
Repetition includes the members of the artistic committee, who were roughly the same as last year's. The production was more of masking previous mistakes instead of making new mistakes. Mistakes and blunders are what makes this more enjoyable. The lower we go, the higher we would bounce back.
Also, there lacked a cohesion among segments. As if placing 20 different flowers in a vase only because you can, instead of placing the 3 flowers that complement each other the most. I felt like a bragger. I felt like i was bragging about things that were not mine. So much foreign talent that at the end of it all, you question your contribution significance as a TP student. I hope the crutch mentality will wear off.
Lastly, we did not end off with the traditional Pentas song. So much for going back to our roots, Akar Aku. The finale song did nothing for me. It was just another identity, that was not ours, we decided to adopt.
Kudos to the people behind PENTAS! especially for thinking it was a success.

Kalau hajat nak cakar langit
kalau niat nak pijak awan
jangan ikut resmi si pipit
nyaring suara tak padan badan

But behind all this anger and frustration, which some of us found to be a common hatred, i manage to get close and personal with a few individuals. And somehow, its that unhappiness that brought us together.

A few will be missed. Individuals who made an enormous impact on MAG. Their countless contributions that paved the way for most of us. Siddiq and Muhammad aka Mamat. The serba gunas of MAG. The talented. The passionate. The commited. I will never forget last years's PENTAS lepak sessions pasal korang dua.
Doa ku agar korang maju, berjaya. InsyaAllah.


Finally its out. I have nothing to hide. I only hid it to prevent accussations/assumptions, but depriving people of the truth only made them want to know more. My interest in people is based on the magnitude of they mysteriousness.

Anyway its nice to know i can talk intellectually to Wawa. And its nice to know were are all getting into the charade fever. Only problem is the subject of the charade. we are running out of ideas.

Thats all for now. Cant wait for PPP

Thank you for waiting
Pahlawan Putih

Dia mencurah hujan
melilit tanah gersang
dari kepulan awan
tanda rahmatNya

Aku mencurah air mata
aliran sayu tak sengaja
dari kepulan kenangan
tanda kesyukuran

Sehati, sejiwa...

untuk selama-lamanya
Pahlawan Putih

love,

if you gave me a hair pin
i would not snigger
at how obsolete
that object might be

but would firmly grip,
to leave an impression
on my fingertips
and register its contours
a complementing mould

but i would keep in my pocket,
to form a false sense of security
everytime my courage breaks down on me
by animating it
under the covers of my denim jeans

but i would clip memories
good or bad
sandwiched
colated accordingly
for me to smile

but if you leave
the hair pin will lose all meaning
and it would slip
from my hand
form a hole in my pocket
firm documentation, no more

and maybe its time
for you to inform me
of this misfortune
before i wait
for that hair pin....

Segala-galanya

Gonna be a this week is promising to be hectic. Late nights, insatiable hunger, fast food breakfast lunch and dinner, mood swings and basically stress.

On Saturday, after drama practice, I went for an Arts Enrichment Programme conducted by Ekamatra with Hajar and Zah. It was super cool, as zah might put it. We got to talk to the playwrights of the 2 plays we were scheduled to watch that night and man was it eye opening. Abg Najib was way seasoned. Elangovan was like bitting on a caradom seed as you eat your briyani. That man is burstfuls of flavourful shock, with his colourful background and valuable experience. He'd go all the way to do research and his plays are insightful encounters. Like Buang Suey and Mines.

After touring the Substation, 'the poor man's theatre', it was show time.
Kalbun was really really good. I really like how abg Najib takes what is very 'practiced', but not really concious of, in our community and use it in his play. Practices that we never really bothered to question. As an actor, he was more the bagos. Cant believe my eyes watered during the Nikita part. hell.

P was in tamil. We go a taste of our own medicine. We had to look up to the subtitles each time. Maybe the play was too profound for our comprehension. But i dont think it being in Tamil became a hindrance. There was a lot of crude puns. hohoh.
all and all it was a nice day. Thought provoking at the end.


On Sunday, Titisan had to do a shooting for Pentas. We went all over sg, starting from Kampung melayu. We ended up at Esplanade in the evening. Saw a signage about My Lush Plastic Love in a Garden of Numb. Free admission. So yeah. We all got to watch a performance together. Macam outing lah gitu loe.
The performance was really enjoyable. I especially liked the part when Fared came out in a 'gown'. It was very convincing. i dunno, i just liked that part alot. All and all it was enjoyable.

So there it was, my artsy farsty weekend.

Try to update
Pahlawan Putih

The boy that had nothing to lose





it wasnt a rash decision. it wasnt too well thought out either. but i think i have come to a point where i understand. i understand that there is no use clinging on to this world.

live life, lose the frills
Pahlawan Putih

PENTAS 2006/2005

Pentas is TP Malay Arts Group's annual production. The peak of each academic year. This year, the theme is 'Akar Aku' or 'My Roots'. It revolves around a set of Dikir Barat Lyrics that Abg Bobo came up with. There would be dikir barat, dance, drama and other performances, that promises to entertain.
In Malay.

details are as follows:
1st April 2006
7.30pm
Auditorium 1, Temasek Polytechnic^
Tickets $6 only

Booking Available through Izyan: 97946517 / Nadia: 87667351
Prayer area would be provided

I did up the poster, and soon to be published, brochure, and will be involved in a small role in drama and dikir barat. Dont be shy, come on down and see what tertiary students can do with a stage, and audience and tight funding from the school. : D

Spread the love MAG members
Pahlawan Putih

Sweetness

shikin wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out shikin's profile and send a reply.
A message from shikin:
Wei wei Irfan -!!!-

How you've been? Itz been rather long since we all get together & catch-up on life, yeah. Known you since biler eh? & yet tings seems so distance now iznt it? Well, whatever it is, hope you get to achieve your dreams kays.

Hugs & Misses -!!!-

HAHA!! rip off! copyright! siaper tuuu..??heh

fine.was bored..so saja jer nak kacau ...

eh i miss ur laugh. add me in msn liaoz!
#######@hotmail.com

ok bye!


All the roses in the world
look up to my friends,
for they know their petals
were never really sweet to begin with

Seoul Garden Soon yeah?
Pahlawan Putih

Tagged

but im going to be pretty much a wet blanket with this one.

"the tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of how the want their perfect lover to be like. specify gender of the target. tag 8 victims to join in this game. leave a msg on their page saying theyve been tagged. if tagged twice, there's no need to post a second time."

gender: It

Its really hard to say a gender cos my lover could very much be a cat, like the one at tapac (she mentel but shy). And i dunno, you'd really have to analyse the meaning of lover. Does a lover love, or be loved upon, or both? Would you eventually get married to this lover? Which form of love are we talking about? Define perfection. Define characteristics. Would this test prove/solve/change anything?

characteristics:
1. has eyes that entice me to look deeper.
2. age is but a number.
3. intellectual, yet goofy.
4. soft hands for mine to sail on.
5. wealth is but a status.
6. generous lips.
7. imperfect.
8. saucy smile (whisker, if refering to cats).

Taking Care
Pahlawan Putih

TAPAC

~Teh-pack

This week has been rollercoaster-y. Well, at least i enjoyed every bit of it.
The workshops. The people. The place.

The previous post contains the pictures i took in / nearby tapac. The first two pictures were taken on friday at Al-Abrar Mosque. Workshop started at two and so i did my friday prayers at the nearest mosque, which was Al-Abrar mosque. The Sermon was in Tamil.
It was so interesting to be listening to words of a language that i could not comprehend. To be in the position of a Muslim from a minor races, listening to a Malay sermon in most mosques. To be affected by the vigor of the unrecognisable words.
After which we had a Directing Workshop with Aidli 'Alin' Mosbit. Rugi kalau tak pergi. She is so, so.. undescribable. So open. So controversial, in a good way. So spontaneous. Maybe one day i get a chance to work with her.

The day before, thursday, we also had a workshop. Set and Lighting. With Fared Janial and Zizi Azah. It dealt with more experimentation than theory. Exoansion of creativity and blurring the lines of reality. "My lush plastic love sitting in a garden of numb" I first saw fared as pak joko in lelembut. Somehow, the impression still sticks, he still is a wak. and Zizi Azah? lets just say i should stop having those older lady crushes. hohoho

The next two pictures are from tapac. Its so run down, but yet thats the beauty of it. Not bound by a 5 year paint renewal shedule. Not a uniquely singapore facade. Not a wannabe. But its scary to imagine that it was once a school. With all the grills, images of students being treated like spca strays come to mind. Talk about strays, the cat is actually adopted by ekamatra, i think. I wonder if she has a name. She's manja at times and just plain sombong at others. If i was a cat, i;d also be roaming around Tapac
Tapac is however the best example of the saying, 'Old School'.

Nenek making teh. Where else can you find such a thing. Its hard as it is to find malays running a drinks stall (with teh), but to find a senior citizen? it just shows how much harder it is. I took the picture for the set and lighting assignment. You should have seen the shy / malu reaction she gave when i asked for a photo. And when she smiles, she lights up your day.

Another take on sunlight. Open to interpretaion. hohoh


Yesterday, saturday, i went for Mega Perdana 2006's taklimat. Another project i would have to juggle with. The tema is 'Penggilap Permata'. Submission of lyrics is 9th april. damn it betol. and i think my malay has gone rusty. not that it was ever flawlessly shiny, C6 siak.
Anyway, after that we FINALLY went to Bibik's (Kampung Collections) to srttle upah jahit. Kinda excited actually. Our current baju is so the haprak. Just waiting for the approval from CC.


With all this juggling, i ought to be a clown
Pahlawan Putih

Tapac

dan sewaktu dengannya

Here i am at places
where you've been
and so i imagine
you smiling

i'm laughing
cos im just falling
for you
at places you've seen

and im in love
Pahlawan Putih

Busy babeh

Monday,

Playwriting Clinic 1 with Mr Effendy.

Quite dry and shy. Basically a more detailed description of PPP and creative ways to approach a theme.


Tuesday,

Acting and Voice 1 with Mr Sazali

Sometimes we can really make out what Mr Sazali's saying, but he really is good at refining acting and voice. We learnt to shift into different characters and emotional states in matter of seconds.

Playwriting Clinic 2 with Natalie

Really entertaining. Explored the option of device playwriting. However, Nat integrated an acting workshop also, which made it interesting. To show how to play with different speeds, levels & intesity.

After which, i had PST training in school


Wednesday,

Playwriting Clinic 3 with Hai Yen

I was disinterested at first but as time passed, it all made sense. I discovered the magnitude of information an item could possess, and how lines should reflect very much the character being refered to, or the character saying it.
Me and Hajar were paired up, and we tackled writing the title/theme, sypnosis, character profile and scene breakdown for a 20min play.

(since its still fresh in my memory,)
Title: Whisper (It was in english only because Hai Yen did not understand malay)
Theme: The Necessary Evil?

Jason a 15 year old shy boy starts the play by appearing very neurotic and anxious. He then whispers a prayer to god. Before he continues, there is a scene change.
Jason is now seen opening a door, cautious of his steps. He then looks around and whispers "anyone in here?" to affirm he is alone, less aware of his movements from then on.
Jason then quickly grabs toilet paper, in a messy bunched up manner. He then gets ready for his exit.
At the same time he swings the door open, his History Teacher, Mr Halim, 36, is exiting the room directly opposite of Jason. Flushed, Mr Halim then, soflty, in a stern tone, asks Jason to follow him to the staff room, as if suppressing the rage within.
Next scene
Jason is seen tailing, Mr Halim, who's back seems as intimidating as his large steps, and fat butcher hands. Mr Halim then stops at the corridor of the staff room, as it was a policy not to provided comfort (conditioned air) to a pupil that is being punished. With the same tone, he asks Jason why he was in the girls' toilet?!
Almost forgeting the mass of recycled paper scrunched up in his hands, he whispered, in embarassment, that the boys' toilet ran out of toilet paper, sir.
Mr Halim raised his eyebrows. He recalls his incident with a paper pulp, stuck onto the ceiling by anonymous prankster, that dirtied his pair of crocodile loafers.
In suspicion, Mr Halim requests (in a menacing whisper) for Jason to keep still, threathening to expel him if he tried to run. Mr Halim then mentions that he would leave the case to the Discipline Master, who at the moment was having a meeting.
Mr Halim then enters the staff room.

Jason is contemplating his fate, after all, he still hasnt gone to the toilet, detention classes during a hectic study week would mean a higher chance of failure due to the loss of time. A bad record his last year, would be quite humiliating. Jason then repeats the opening scene where he is praying to god to help him in his time of need.

As he collected a report from a colleague, Ms Siva, 25, Literature teacher, Mr Halim then starts whispering / gossiping about Jason and its relation to his ruined crocodile loafers, with the report as a sheild from prying ears. Ms Siva is nonchalant, but politely pays attention. The scenes ends with Mr Halim seeing the DM leaving the meeting room.
"i've got to go" this time whispering, to refrain from disturbing the other teachers in the room.

Mr Halim goes out of the staff room and signals Jason to go into the DM's office. Mr Halim then leaves, leaving jason to walk by himself into the office. Coincidentally, Ms Siva was mumbling to herself about Mr Halim, questioning his sexuality - as he was still not married at that age, and asking why he even bothered telling her something so irrelevant and useless. Yes, Jason heard everthing, although her mumbles were soft, they were carelessly audible. Upon realising that Jason was there, Ms Siva panicked, and said "you didnt heard that", this time without voice, but sheer exageration of the movements of her lips.

Jason nodded and then made his way. The air surrounding is tense and heavy, as if that tension was overflowing into the corridor as Jason opened the office door.

As Jason stood there, beside a plastic chair, the DM asked "Why were you in seen leaving a girls' toilet?"

Jason whispered the unfortunate series of events, his whispers almost inaudible this time. The then DM asked, puzzled yet curious, "Why are you whispering?"

The End.

Hai Yen said she liked ours, due to its simplicity. I guess it becomes a habit for me to tackle themes in a clean but intricate fashion.

Acting 1 with Sani Hussin

I think this was the most intense, most memorable workshop i have attended so far. We explored so many different aspects of acting. There was this segment, which was to mirror image a partner, and my partner was really awesome to work with cos we really connected with our hearts and to each other with every movement. At one point of time, i totally zoned out. Almost in oblivion. I left the workshop shaken, weak, as if it drained me of every last bit of energy. And well, now i know who's Sani. Sunny.

I had sriwana after that, around 7pm? I learnt inang in one session. Thanks again Fana. hohoho

I m loving it lah. just the lack of sleep.

Cant wait for tmrw's workshops.

Ekamatra works
Pahlawan Putih

Red...

...and yellow (like the apek's mind) on the table/chart.


statment / declaration


Is Singapore still under Japanese rule?


The secondary focus

Merah
Pahlawan Putih

Sunlight

It conforms. It highlights. It enhances.

Sunlight

but its last for only a day.

Thank god for nights
Pahlawan Putih

Sunat



My youngest brother got circumsised today, thursday 9 March. Quite hilarious, because you'd see him in a sarong, and theres this section that sticks out due to a self made frame to keep minimal contact between the sarong and, the now delicately sensitive, private part. hoho. My brother's now in Primary 3. I got circumsised when i was in Primary 1. Those were the days...
The awkward sleeping positions, the prescribed liquid you had to pour on it every few hours, the trips to the sea and or swimming pool, few weeks after, to help the healing process, the uncomfortable but airy sarong, the small steps, slow and steady, foot by foot, to prevent friction, skin to flesh. haha
the necessary pain

I feel like a shit head. Making dates, then completely not keeping them. Like on sunday, there was an orang kahwin(wedding) show, but i woke up with the coarsest of voice. I totally lost it, and so i didnt go for the show.

Then on tuesday, planned to go to the moo zoo, but i dunno, i just wasnt feeling well, moodwise. I still feel bad. nonsensically bad

Then yesterday, there was training, but i had this bloody urgent last minute meeting to attend, personal responsibilities, and end up not going for the training.

Luckily though, i met up with wawa, dee, indah, cipah and afiq at bugis for an al-majlis supper. I needed the break.

anyway.. thats how shitty i felt the whole of this week.

Love saved the day again though.

heh, wasabi chips
Pahlawan Putih

1 new message

Tell me,
if i caught you one day
and kissed the sole of your foot,
wouldn't you limp a little then,
afraid to crush my kiss?
- Nichita Stanescu


my reply...

Soul meets soul on lover's lips.
- Percy Bysshe Shelly

but if lips meets sole,
then i would tiptoe
so that traces of your soul
would not wear off from my sole

nectar would not satisfy this craving for your saccharine voice,
and the froth that molests my lips,
numbs them,
dumb, i become

Sepet

Finish watching the movie quite sometime back in the evening. Love is an understatement to how i feel about the movie.
But yes, i loved it.
I liked how it was very balanced and had most elements of a good movie.
And the script?
almost theatrical, as if it was one of those stage to screen productions.

Will blog more about it after i watch it for the second-fifth time. Thanks again Hajar for loaning it to me. It was definately much better than UnguViolet.


Titisan Temasek, if you dont already know, is one of the seven subgroups in MAG. Primarily a Malay Drama group, Titisan Temasek members are very well known for their versatility. This years batch, involved a team of enthusiatic, creative and expressive individuals. Their last performance was staged during Temasek Poly's Arts Happening, which in my opinion proved to be very humourous and entertaining.

Titisan is the the action of water droplets falling, commonly used to describe tears. I laughed my profusely, in danger of rupturing my stomach, when i received my first ever sms/notification of a practice date. See the abbreviated/shortened name for Titisan is Tits. Tits. hahaha... what a radical bunch of people.

I got involve with Titisan when i decided to sign up, with a few of of their members, for Nadiputra's Scriptwriting Workshop (Malay), organised by Berita Harian, E-remaja. From then on, ties started to form and strengthen. Before i knew it, i was part of Titisan, something im quite proud of. heh

So this year for PENTAS 2006, (PENTAS is an annual MAG production, involving all seven subgroups, that aims to provide a platform for artistic development in Temasek Poly), titisan temasek would be doing up a skit. The audition, last week, last post, went a bit too well. I wasnt really hoping to get any character actually, but i got one.
Needs a lot of character study. Abit kekok when it comes to characters of this genre.
Furthermore, i m trying out as scriptwriter. but i prefer the term amatuer playwright. hahaha. I wanna make it light, loud an clear, yet berisi / with substance. Very dangerouslah with the amount of cast. Well, kalau Concept Manager dah titahkan, apa lagi...
heheh

Looking forward to Pesta Peti Putih though. Cant wait for the workshops (13-17 March), that is if we are selected lah.
The word 'workshops' gets me hyped up these days.
The promise of knowledge. The pratical sessions. The meeting other people.

Titisan!

Can you reduce or even stop this?
Pahlawan Putih

Liberty

your hair smells ever so fresh
a quick sway of synchronised strands
leaves the air around scented
lingering with wafts of tranquility

your hair runs so smoothly through my fingers
like a river sailing above pebbles
conforming to its contours
submissive to its textures

your hair hides those roving brown eyes
a veil hanging by your fringe
tucked behind the weary ear
in anticipation of the subtlest cue

your hair is a flag worth hanging
to allow the caress of the envious wind
create a hypnotic saltation
of spontaneous choreography

I intended to describe liberty / liberation, however short lived it might be, but it seems like i was temporarily fantasising about someone's hair.
It could be the fact i went for a haircut, a while ago.
I must say, that it would be the least unpleasant hair pruning experience i ever had. Fast, clean, and as i wanted it to be it.


Before i start accumulating anymore memories, its best i recorded those that have been begging to leave my thoughts, to be blogged.



Without much thought, sometimes decisions are best made in that manner, i decide to enroll myself in Sriwana's bengkel tari (Dance Workshop), where i will learn the 5 basic forms of malay dance - Inang, Asli, Zapin, Joget & Masri, in the course of one year. Trainings are every Wednesdays (God knows why) and carried out at TAPAC. (Telok Ayer Performing Arts Centre)

[TAPAC has this personality, this air of identity floating around it, that makes me grow fond of it. Almost like a sanctuary, where there is invioable privacy for the arts to blossom, admists the whispers of the clouds, the glares of surrounding skyscrapers, the cracked concrete floors, as if indication of age - like wrinkles to a human face. Futhermore theair tebu Muar (Muar sugar cane juice), at the adjacent hawker centre, is absolutely delicious.]

So far i've learnt Asli, which is quite tough, but enjoyable.



Next memory, is the past chaotic friday. A wrap to my exams, which couldnt be any worse, and also a celebration cum console session. I would not elaborate on this elaborate day. It would drain me of my spirits. heh
Then without thought, again, i followed the girls who had already been scheming of a sleep over at ili's place. They all had change of clothes, while i had only my phone and wallet to my name at that time. But it was fun. Sobah kept me entertained with his extensive collection of Dikir songs and lyrics. Ouh, and ili's mom makes the best sambal goreng pengantin!



On saturday, i was scheduled to watch a play, Rosnah, part of the M1 fringe festival. Unfortunately, the MRT decided to die on me. I was stuck at Simei Stn for 30 soild minutes (of trying to keep the anger in) due to some technical faults at Tanah Merah. When the train finally reached bugis (the play being at Drama centre black box, national library) i decided to drop all form of dignity and run. Run like the wind. Run all the way, past seiyu, parco bugis, intercontinental hotel and all the way up 5 levels only to be denied entry, as there was only 10mins left of the monologue. At that point, i thought what a killjoy.

Luckily, the day was saved by Superman!!! Very nice to have treated me. Felt so much better with company around. We chatted at starbucks, prolly the highlight of the night, while waiting for Munich. I loved the movie. It has much depth. Portraying humanity in its most vunerable form. The photography, and direction, was amazing. Overall, it was a memorable/insightful night. : )



Then on Monday, i went to school to settle some stuff then crashed SNT's training and then lepaked at Sri Sun. I adore the Puri there. and the ikut-mood teh peng.
After which, i dropped by Aida's to get anti-boredom materials for the week.
She loaned me 'He loves me, He loves me not' a french movie that proved to be quite scary towards the ending, 'The Boy that plays on the Buddhas of Bamiyan', that had beautiful photography, and 'Dead Poets Society', which i have yet to watch.
I love her and her mom lah. Today she called me at 9am to tell me her mom cooked ayam masak merah (Chicken cooked red) and asked if i wanted any. Will never be able to resist the promise of ayam masak merah. Semangat lah!


Then yesterday, i went to school to get some work done on my design projects and go swimming after a long long long state of 'physical inactivity'

Shortly after an embarassing number of laps, dried myself and made my way to arts space. There was a Titisan audition for the upcoming Pentas.
Was not prepared to write, and afterwards act out, a 1min monologue based on the theme 'Modern', there and then. It basically caught me off-guard. Here is mine:
(Bear with me, its 95% malay)

Satu...dua...tiga! (Petik gambar audiens)
Jangan marah yer.
Saya ni memang suka ambil gambar.
Kata orang, untuk immortalise atau mengzahirkan secebis memori.
Dan ianya dapat dilihat kembali. Ah macam ni...
(tunjuk 'screen' kepada audiens)
Dulu, nasib gambar itu terkunci dalam camera, dalam sekeping film,
sampailah ia dihantar ke kedai, untuk dicuci.
Yang ini, kalau tak suka, delete ajer.
Satu butang yang menentukannya
Ibarat dapat telek masa depan.
Ibarat sudah dapat melihat yang akan datang.
Tak suka? Buang.
Itulah modenisasi. Itulah akibat modenisasi.
Sudah tiada suprise.
Semuanya dah dinanti-nanti.
Semuanya dah bakal jadi.
Kemana hilang zaman merahnya padi tergantung pada cuaca hari?
tergantung pada Illahi?

Hai.. modenisasi
terlalu mudah sekali
bak one...two...three (Petik gambar lagi)

I presented it in a very Karut way. Karut Patani. And i just realised that most of it rhymed. well, some habits are hard to stop. hahah.. hancur..

anyway i can hold up anymore. Enjoy this long long post!

Smiling
Pahlawan Putih

I've been meaning to blog. but it seems a head filled with a myriad of memories is harder to work with, compared to an empty, bored striken mind, in coming up with an entry.

in the meantime, thank you for dropping by. I wished you guys commented on the haloscan though, much easier for me to reply to entry related comments... : )

till i find a way!
Pahlawan Putih

Death

im constantly relating exams to death. Im serious most of the times. Right now, im feeling as horrible as i can been. Waiting for me, soaking the boiling heat and msg, is my last supper (hoho), cup noodles.

I usually have moods to study. And normally it comes with the realisation and panic of a nearing exam date. Unfortunately, that panic hasnt arrived yet. This is serious considering i have two exams tomorrow. I am going to regret this. And i know its retribution. Hell.

Well, good night dear friends, whom are not haunted, with the chill of failure piercing through your bones as you lay, undaunted, safe, and secure, eyelids unstrained, in wait for the sandman, in you examless period.

Slit my throat, to let the answers flow freely, like cascading waterfalls
Pahlawan Putih

Bollywoo dish

Yes, i noticed that i've been down with the bolly folly. (No i havent been doing foolish things, i just needed a word to rhyme with bolly)

This template. The song. The videos. Showing up school in a kurta.

Its the awakening of my indian genes. Which also explains the rapid proliferation of my facial hair, which is starting to annoy. Anyway, its time to cerish your kedai mama, count your blessings and packets of habhals curry powder, and celebrate the inner indian in you. I mean its just right, were are all (together with our culture) merely distant descendents of them.
So remember, the next time you mock an indian individual, for whatever shallow reason(s), you are just mocking a part yourself. There is no such thing as racial superiority, save your condescension tendencies.

At this point, i would like to apologise for the delayed, trackback posts. Last Wednesday happened to be quite an eventful day, 3 events back to back, and so this post will also be about that last wednesday. and dont worry, its like a mobius strip, i will relate back to the title.

It starts out with Health and Wellness revision. Always dry and far too general. 'Hints' were just titles of the topics we already know we need to study. Then came gushing in, like the cool irrigated water spilling into sun drenched paddy fields; through ushering flood gates, elation, in its purest form, from the deepest darkest corner of my mind.
Finally i could believe in myself again, as all that hard work and whining (thanks guys for the listening ear/being online in msn) paid off. I got an A for my two of my individual reports, after a D plus disaster. (Get it.. D + disaster?... nvm)


I even took a picture.
If all fails i might just be a health columnist. hoho..

After which, i had Ili's production. Remember i was blogging about having to wait? yeah.. that one.

I was a talent, playing one of four Bollywood Idol hopefuls in that episode.
The story is basically a parody of American Idol, though making a spoof of Singapore Idol would have been much funnier. Levitating around that concept, i played a Singaporean guy who plays the violin (a guitar and broomstick), song clip extracted from Mohabbatein, and doesnt even sing but makes it to the next round.
Mere naam? Sarokh Kan.


Just a posed shot


Caca as Ashwire Dye, Ili as Mas Idayu/hitler/female lead, Me as Sarokh Kan and Farhaanah as Karishmama Kaypoh.


and all this lime light, its just not my scene.

hohoh
anyway, how many anyways already. Today's test was very much a killer. Would have been less toturing to go through a by-pass sugery without anesthesia. Usually, i dont have a system but desperate times calls for desperate measures, noh?
I allocated 15mins for the 4 short question and 30mins each for the 4 long ones. = 3hours.

The Invigilator was quite distracting, and it was unfortunate (for me) to have gotten a seat at the borders of the teacher's menacingly white galvanised table, as he rocked himself from side to side while he stood, eyes roving trying hard to mimic the skilled gaze of the eagle. Unlike a mother's cradle, his annoying swaying was rough, each jerk almost seemed spasmodic. He kept rocking, probably to 'mask' his nervousness, for quite a while that i had to bend low, till my nose touched the hard test paper (pun intended). How i wish my attention could have been put to better use.

16 more chapters of hell
Pahlawan Putih

FINALLY!!



Yes, unfortunately this is an indication i have been finding it hard to study

Hither, Thither
Pahlawan Putih

Insignificant Confessions?

I did not mention this but i managed to get the tickets to that play after all. Maybe if one stops pining for an object, be it inanimate or not, one might just start to aqquire it. Thus i sash myself with pessimism, to ensure i dont get drunk on dreams - that will never materialise, the more i visualise them. A way, i suspect, He Almighty keeps me grounded.

Back to the play. I'm not sure whether i was just being cynical (abit unusual for a guy my age), blinded by traditional customs - that somehow managed to transform into expectations, suffocated by lethargy from events prior to the play - inhibiting respiration of the intellectual kind, OR just me being plain art illiterate (God forbid).

Or maybe... maybe it was the heavily decorated words imprinted in respective websites aimed to promote sales for this play. Maybe it heighten the anticipation of a performance way up there; not a cloud lower.
Maybe it was the overpriced tickets, that promised far from what was delivered.
Maybe it was that auntie, a few rows infront, fumbling with a plastic bag, emitting distinctively annoying cracking noises, to munch on something like she probably was allowed to; back then during kachang puteh and opera days.
Maybe it was the guy beside me that answered a call. Distracting was the light that beamed aimlessly from his screen and keypad, and the way he refused to just hang up.

Imagine this. Go out on a date with a guy/girl(whichever applicable). Did a lot of things, the bill was tiny bit long, but was happy, smiled a bit, laughed a bit and at the end of the day, you just cant conclude whether you fell in love/had sparks/flew off with him/her. Uncertain. Like it was just another dream, nights that were presented in repetitive fashion, slots to fill with wonderous jargon and the ocassional nightmares

However, such efforts must be commended. All the three actors were more or less shapeshifters on stage, but i favoured Benjamin Ng, as he was very entertaining, and more importantly, very natural with the characters he was tasked to perform.

The same man who rudely answered his phone during a performance, said to his wife "it was so fast, that you couldnt really tell which play was written by whom". And i sorta agree, although i understood that there had to be a flow to tie the whole performance together.

The ones that really made an impact?

My bird sing can sing louder than yours (not sure. well it was about birds). Very metaphorical, but lacked substance. Was simply hilarious.

Conveyor belt love(?). Using sushi, and the conveyor belt it is served on, as metaphor is genius. Also to play with picky and (un)opportinistic characters was very creative.

Who wants to marry Ah Seng (i think), it was a monologue, it was light, funny and interesting. How one chooses to refrain from marriage as one sees one's self as a burden, as something incapable of attracting happiness.

The one that stood out was the one of three men with lack of self confidence. Very powerful. Got me moved through the naked truth of reality presented. The words still echo in my ear cavities. Its resonating message almost too familiar in my mind.

"You chose me because i am real, not like those with steroids...(i forgot the good bits)"

"It is nature, you have to be born with it..."

Because... i am shy and it restrains any first step.
Pahlawan Putih

Soon

You guys would have probably found out. I wasnt soon enough.

Yes, the group from the February 4th post manage to leave Woodlands Community library un-emptyhanded.
Most Creative Group. heh. We were aiming for it actually, seeing that none of us were the pantun types. (And that other schools were). So we practiced hard.
Set out to make an impression. 'tuk tampilkan jati kami.
ouh, and it was OUR win. =P

The day itself was a funny one. Last minute plans to catch the finals, also because one representative had to be present to collect out certificates, and supposedly to study after that.
How many times have you heard that one?
How many times have you lugged your notes and end up too tired that you just dont?


We didnt see that did we? (hohoho)

Picture of the Pesta Pantun 2006 Finals

I just realised, when resizing the picture, that the time projected tally to the respective schools order of win (MI: 2nd, YJC:1st, TPJC:3rd). Cool nah?
Its a SIGN.

Anyway, the guys from PBMUKS were really nice to be, somehow or another, supporting us. Their supportive stares were like banners imprinted with our initials, their encouraging whispers only audible through the translation of moving lips, their occasional bursts of voice coloured with cheers camouflaged as the audience to sustain anonymity. All which undoubtedly provided us with much needed moral support, like a high chair to a hungry 1 year old at macdonalds.


I guess 'soon' could mean a few seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks or months? in this case, it's 19 days. Heh, my apologies.

Pictures from Ili's Birtday outing.

8 scoop earthquake is it? Definately a treat. Should go again.


hamba, lily, cipah, nana


this one's a laugh


unintentional order

Artistiko shots

Symmetry?


Lights.


Bustle


And to end the day with a touch of humour

Ah... sentimentalized
Pahlawan Putih

Waiting

Here i am, waiting, in the school library. Waiting for 2 o'clock, when ili's production will start. Anyway, since the production circles around a bollywood theme, i shall occupy myself with indian youtube.com clips.
heh, the one's at ridjal's gave me the idea. (Oh, welcome back brudder...)

Well, here are some of my facourites (They all are nice songs to begin with)

Chaiya Chaiya from Dil Se.

Nimbooda
From Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam.

My Favouritest (if there's such a word in the first place)...
Radha Kaise Na Jale
Isn't it just adorable when a girl is jealous?

Unfortunately Kahe Chhed Mohe from Devdas cant be found, and i am painstakingly dowloading it (at home) with a series of Busy hosts, Needs more sources and bad connections with an average transfer rate of 1kb/s. Painstaking i say.

Islihe Radha Jale?
Pahlawan Putih

Challenge

never do. I will take it up.

First I must clarify to whom it may concern that this blog is just another form of my voice. another pitch. another song. But the source is still the same.
White pixels in the screen, it stands out from the black background. It stands out from my inability to public speaking, and my introvert(ed) nature. This is not where i run to, but where i organize my thoughts. To form an understanding. to form a conclusion.

Secondly i am no (typical) warrior, just one who pales in face of a opportunity (as if it wasnt mention clearly already). Thus, Pahlawan Putih. it translates to cowardice, fear and anxiety. All of which i have no discomfort in confessing.

All that i have typed into my phone, and send it off in the form of radiation, i mean(t) it. Refreshingly true, dont you think?
And yes, i was sane at that/this point of time.
No form of anger impaired my judgement.
No form of sorrow intoxicated my opinions.

It is sad, more than anything
To think it was all a play
Acting at its best
To make everyone turn against
So that you have them
in your hands

Go leave your scent on trees
to mark your territories
You have always been self centred
axis of the world being your ideologies

If it could not have been
why are you still broding
if it was not meant to be
why waste time killing me
and so softly
so softly

There's nothing wrong
with being who you are
unless you're strong
which i dont think you are

Maybe reality is too painful
like a thorn that hooks the skin

bleeding a potful, a potful
to offer the spirits within
tearing a potful, a potful
to quench the sorrow within

Talk to me so i understand. Its more confusing when words escape from the lips of others, and i am left to piece it up myself.

----------------------

I've edited my last post. I challenge anyone who can decipher it. Challenge anyone who can swim through the mass of sarcasm to identify who it is directed to.
A clue; think general more than specific.

No Hajar, you're inaccurate. =)

Why Ketam/crab? other than this epidermic resembling cancer, it was said that:
Humans are like crabs. When one is close to freedom from the glass walls of chili crab doom, the others will pull it back in, selfish, unable to witness somebody else succeed.

Lantas pentas luas cemas, pantas dilemas
paras rentas batas puas dilandas nahas
kelupas kapas menghias tegas bekas asas
syabas! pemalas tewas, mengimbas nafas

mana peluang?
sudah di tangan orang...
sudah menghalang

hanya melukut di tepi gantang
Pahlawan Putih

Keangkuhan Ketam

hirupan air takkan dinginkan
embun pagi hanya mampu seketika
hembusan bulan takkan redakan
pawana tergantung di dalam dada

apa guna berdebatan tentang kemajuan
bila perkembangan dihalang keangkuhan
adakah guna betulkan jalan
bila sendiri condong sebelahan

mereka kata majukan budaya
mereka juga yang menghindar kita

ibarat ketam, kering di tangki
dendam digenggam, masak disalut cili
bila mencium kebebasan diri
diseret balik ke dalam realiti

ibarat benih di belantara
nak tumbuh dalam sengsara
senyuman suria takkan sampainya
kerana sudah yang menatangnya

Ahai, andai mereka sedari
walau bukan niat di hati
tetap menjadi berduri
menyangkut kita dari berseri
(menyimpan peluang untuk sendiri)

Dengki masih bermaharajalela
dijunjung atas hujung takhta
andai nyawamu sudah tiada
takkan ilmu dibawa bersama?

Bukan lumrahku merahnya mata
bukan diacu pada si pembaca
mungkin kerna sifat berbeza
ku bak semalu kuncup diraba

Hati lebih senang tercedera
kerana tajam melihat penyelarasannya
kerana luka melemah segala-galanya
pantas tersinggung begitu sahaja

Its funny how God brings you back to earth when you least expect it.

I hate you and your kind. you selfish bastards. Disguised as our reference, you keep us from excelling beyond you..
All form of opportunity for yourself. none for us

sharpen your third eye
Pahlawan Putih

Reward myself

Theres no reward, like self reward.
And my rewards more often than not from Starbucks (they should give out loyalty discounts).
Either Lemon Citron tart or Caramel Frappe.
Costly and heavenly.

Anyway, this time i am rewarding myself for my good marks for arts appreciation.
We had to do a production, my team mates being Angel and Audrey. It was a mildly funny script and the lack of manpower meant i had to do double roles.

Excerpts...

Prince & the Damsel.
D: But i...i cant leave... i belong here. And my father, he does not approve.

P: Come with me my love, you know i cant leave/live without you. Deny thy father and thy name! Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and i'll no longer be a Montague..

D: but.. is love tender? It's too rough, too rude, too boisterous and it pricks like a thorn


Agent Smith (Talking to a projected image of Neo)
AS: Do you hear that? It is the sound of inevitablity, it is the sound of your death. Goodbye Mr Anderson.

The 10 min play was basically about 2 school playwrights that had different interests, one love stories, the other mystery and thrillers, and were arguing on what to write, played by Angel and Audrey. I was playing the cast of what they were suggesting. The original script required Macbeth to be one of the suggested play but i found it too difficult to understand why there was an imaginary knife, which could be pulled out of his imagination, that lead Macbeth to Duncan.

So anyway, apparently i managed to get the highest in class with an indivdual score of 8/10 and 15/20 for the group production. 23/30. not too bad. hopefully will pull my grade since i nearly flunk for artist study. hoho.

After the tutorial, we went to lecture and got a gist of Cirque du Solei, ppt presentation and a vcd. I just love the way my lecturer, lectures with a twinkle of excitement in her eyes. Like forever in awe, also infecting the sense of amazement with art forms she cover in her refreshing lectures.
I also enjoyed uncovering the story behind Cirque du Solei. From humble beginings, then a noble form of 'returning' back to society. And their art form proves that body language speaks louder that words.

Anway, i have my blessing to count. One of which would prolly be the presidency. It has opened so many doors. Did i tell about the marks i got for comm skills meeting role play? 17/20, highest also. hohoh.

if only my written exams were just as good. :P
Pahlawan Putih

Penatnya berima

Sunday.
After close to no deliberation at all, Me, Hajar and Nadia decided to go for the last prelimenary pantun round, which happened to also be the announcing of the 6 semi-finalist.

Managed to catch Victoria Junior College, Pioneer Junior College and Singapore Poly in action. None managed to move on to semi-finals, a pity for VJC that were quite good. Of all 9 teams that i managed to catch, i was routing for Pioneer and Innova JC. See, i have a soft spot for the underdogs, both were good and entertaining for that matter.

I noticed a common trait among the Madrasah Wak Tanjong and Singapore Poly teams, agressive, rude, mencabar, threathening, with a tinge of boastfulness. I guess the no. of their supporters got to their heads, or it was just their nature.
Pantuns are like friendly matches. To carry sarcasm but in the most indirect, non-personal form. To be the subtlest form of advice. Basically beautiful and easy to digest.

Republic polytechnic, who were in the same prelimanary round as us, managed to advance to semi-finals and i must say they were the most friendly bunch who werent shy to shake hands before and after our head-on collisions. They were also kind enought to represent all the polytechnics in sg for this competition. Baik RP!


My response to the unexpected attention from Saturday:
What... so now girls dig the Seniman Melayu look? hahaha... it tickles me.


Say no to paparazzi. hoho

I heard alot lah. Fyi: None of which did make my head bigger.
Judge taking my photo, people saying "Dektu blah blah blah...", admirers from JJC. All hearsay of course, thus i still question its accuracy. hohoh

I fell in like with someone. I dedicate the previous entry and my blog song to her. Unfotunately, all of life's wants come with a twist at the end. Unmistakebly, she's already taken. Unusually it takes me shorter than usual to get over it. I hate grasping an understanding of things that happen. Its quite anti-climaxy. I am very close to giving up. will not fall in like again. well, will try to.

her moves, intoxicating...
Pahlawn Putih

maaltii gu.ndhaa'e kaisii pyaarii ghuu.nghar bhare
mukh daaminii sii damakat

chaal matwaarii, chaal matwaarii
chaal matwaarii...

How lovely are her curls, filled with braided jasmine;
her face is brilliant as lightning;

her movements intoxicating, her movements intoxicating
her movements intoxicating...

Rhyming drains

I just woke up a couple of minutes ago. from my recuperation nap. We were all so tired after the competition that we all just wanted to sleep. well so i did. pardon the lack of intellectual puns. my brain might just still be sleeping.

Saya, Hajar dan Raudah


Our rehearsed intro.


ala melayu nya


Going down to business


We were the only team who decide to do without our school blazers as it is so unmelayu to do so. Our only form of uniformity are the roses we donned. 3 $1.50 clenched-fist-size roses.

Ditanamkan tebu di hujung lidah
Agar bahasa manis berbunga
Ditanamkan bangsa di bumi rata
Agar bermekar seni budaya

Masih mentah dalam gelanggang ini
Masih segan menjunjung seni
Tiga sekawan dari TEMASEK POLY
Harap semua terhibur hati

Our intro. I think we really did manage to hibur hati or entertain the audience. with 2 kerat pantuns like... (the task was to talk thru poetry. a scenario would be given. mine was chopping onions)

terasa pedas kerana lada
bawang memang penawar lara

and

sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga
merahnya bawang kerana cinta

and

kupas kulit kupas kupas
kupas kulit biar terlepas

Hahahaha.. i must brush up on spontan and borak borak pantun. The audience was complaining of a sore stomach after all the laughing. For those who came down, Kak Ida, Nadia, Dessy, Nadia, Shikin and those who were supporting us, my warmest graditude. Your presence diminished a bit of our fright.

All and all another experience (to cerish).

Mukin dah tak seputih dulu
Pahlawan Putih

Watan

Today is the day i participate in the malay poetry competition. I am very shaky. hohoh. We finished our pantuns yesterday, afternoon and then managed to meet up again in the evening.


The team: Hajar, Irfan dan Raudah. -Cracking our brains

The theme for our round is Watan or Homeland.

We really dont know what to expect, thus we are attending the first prelimenary round (We are in the second) in preparation. Thank goodness we are all a fun bunch. So not much expectations and all.

IF its not too late,
come down to Bedok Community Library from 2-3.45pm to support TPerdayu/MAG/TP/us.
We will be tongue fencing with Madrasah Aljunied and Republic Poly. Hohoho...

masih mentah di gelanggang ini
Pahlawan Putih

: )

the expression is recognised but the emotion is but a mystery. a void waiting to be drowned with assumptions (a.k.a: mother of all cock-ups.)

Hahaha, now my laugh emanates more bitterness than usual, because at one point of today, i smile, blacking out from the world, because you 'replied'. Ahak.. what has this made me, im sorry.
I shouldnt have
I shouldnt be
I am not worthy.

i was expecting this but i guess my hopeless romanticism surpassed the limits of my expectations, in relation to this matter. Fantasy, a relatively short distraction. Butterflies, their wings no longer rub against the lining of my stomach, have lifespans of only 20-40 days, affirming the fact that fantasy is always short lived.




And i wonder why its so hard for people to get used to me not smiling.
im just not a happy person. im a very tired person.

Smile for me. in person.
Pahlawan Putih

Sleepy

My eyes were ready to recuperate during the 8 hours of sleep i was planning/dreaming/wishing/hoping to have. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, a he showed a sign. Thus i am awake, my body entertaining the adrednaline that is flooding my blood stream. Thanks.

Its amazing how the intervention mentioned is still in activation. I tried to get the tickets from the Centrepoint but i was politely denied of my ticket as the printer still holds a grudge on me. Apparently all the printers were informed and are holding grudges. I cannot believe it is island wide. The company should just have used sistic instead.
The play?

Five Top Singapore Playwrights Unite


Featuring brand new plays to be performed back to back, all in one night, Confessions of 300 Unmarried Men is inspired by true stories and real-life characters.

Watch out for world premieres of latest works by five of Singapore’s most celebrated playwrights including Alfian Sa'at, Desmond Sim, Tan Tarn How, Eleanor Wong and Ovidia Yu.
There will also be a special segment entitled Because…, created using results from a nation-wide poll of unmarried men in Singapore, plus a number of exciting audience interactive features.

-A play with 5 playwrights, each with their own style, own ideas / ideals. It would definately be more than an eye-opener (a mind opener?). Inspiration maybe?

Anyway just to update while i can, im working on sunday and monday. Working at changi selling foodstuff, with Raihana's family business. Dont drop by cos i'll be a mess. i got alot to do but im not doing it yet

hahaha
today was definately fun.
Earthquake(swensons), pizza hut, ps, esplanade outdoor theatre, chinese new year bazaar thing, coffee bean clark quay and the end.
I had fun laughing, although its attempts to banish my lethargy was futile.

see before that i had a Pantun workshop, an introduction to the PESTA PANTUN organised by PBMUKS, malay language club of NUS, and a short clarification. I m very nervous and afraid, although we declared that the main aim was just to have fun, the state of our reputation is within shooting range. And i really dont know how to get through. sigh.

Dan kini ku terkenang, dan berangan
andai ni riwayat kekalan sepanjang zaman

Irfan : )
Pahlawan Putih

Its Everywhere.


(Sir i do not know you personally to call you by your name.)

Sir,
you may have dropped something
and I have stumbled upon it
by coincidence
(Only by coincidence)
I apologise for the initiation of those questions
taking shape in anxiety
materialising in your thoughts
in wait
for an answer for which to ponder.

Sir,
I may have invaded your privacy
judged on your personality
from the way you smile
to that glint in you eyes
I am sorry
I shouldn’t have
I shouldn’t be

Sir,
then I realised there was more to it
your literary compositions
which aroused me
see I find wisdom sexy
and also
that spark of rebellion
in every word formation
but…
it was apparently nothing new
it was already worshipped by a few
I felt like just another fish in the sea
no chance for ‘us' to be

Sir,
first I stumbled
now I've fallen
moving on
to forget that patch of grass I landed on
and wash the soils on my jeans
to bleach the milliseconds of embarrassment
so that the naked eye could not identify
what made the weak heart go wild

But Sir,
your smile…
that almost trademarked pout
that cringe of the cheek muscle
that glint in your eyes
(all from the arrangement of pixels n my computer screen)

Sir,
I know it will never be
its just to cure my curiosity
to settle the tinge of optimism
deeply embedded within me
to know if this confession will do anything

But,
I know I am just another admirer
a dreamer
judging a book by its cover
hoping for an answer
from someone who might not bother

for I am just an admirer
seeking solace from another…

PS: you can't take back what i found.

-Anonymous



sometimes, people are too busy admiring the brightest star in their eyes that they dont notice the one that is shining just for them..

and their passing glance is a hope to this small star that it might just get noticed, but their glance never linger..

-Aida



Almost inevitable, the way those arrows pierce the vunerable heart.
An infactuation is almost like walking, but not being able to see or feel your legs. Somehow you just keep on moving, destination set, the journey however is as if moving in unchartered territory. And all of a sudden, you find yourself trapped under the surface of a water body. Thinking how almost pleasurable it was during the short period you were sinking. So pleasurable that you didnt notice it would harm you more at the end of it all.

I still did not get the ticket. Ticket charge is so f up.
Maybe it was meant to be this way. The divine intervention to save me from sinking any further€



This silence
i hear loud and clear
almost deafening
as if my ear drums might tear
due to the longing it has
to be an audience to your whispers

However, i cant suppress the optimism mentioned
that miniscule ray of hope in this condemned fantasy
that trace of warmness that exudes from your replies

Patience has nothing to do with it anymore
false hopes still dwell in the depths
questions only i am capable of answering
(on your behalf)
to calm these torrent waves crashing in my stomach

oh, my curiosity seems to have made its mind
but i guess you have not
i guess,
i will wait

all i ask, is i hear it from you
Pahlawan Putih

To her


moga malang tak kunjung tiba
agar hati tenteram, menjunjung ria
Pahlawan Putih

Smile

I should smile more.

just like that

i tried buying tickets for a play yesterday. The printing machine refused to spit ink onto the retangular card paper joined together by perforated ends. I keep thinking its a sign. Not to pursue this fantasy any longer.
I cant help but be persistent.
Centrepoint tomorrow after my appoinment at CGH.

blabbering baboon. stuttering stork?
Pahlawan Putih

Overload

Get ready for one.

First up, Urban Faces.
I am upset that the pageant leaned more on the basis of popularity and supporters, in terms of audience voting system, than actual beauty, not that i have any. It was too my disadvantage as i wasnt as popular as the rest, who were backed up by their large CCA groups that came and voted, and that many who knew me just were not there.
I guess the most excruciating part was how the pageant had surfaced skin-deep insecurities i had within myself - shortly after being shortlisted, only to find out that i have let my guard down and be bathed in humiliation, in vunerability, because my score board had more board then scores.
After the first day, i let out a bitter laugh and accepted the fact that i will never win in a popularity contest. I also got myself mentally prepared for the next round, by stomping all manner of expectations and hopes and just sail through it with a smile, keeping in mind its just for the fun of it.
Then the next round came. Just like a routine i was used to. During the voting session, i didnt even bother to go around asking people i've never met to stick blue stickers on my board. However i collected enough to take them out of the board and be arranged to spell my name. Heh. I wasnt even humiliated anymore. Life is easier when you accept reality.
For those who knew me, and voted for me, thank you so much.



Ahai... semarak buta, engkau tidak kemana. apa benar?
The experience was priceless, and so was the company. 10 more people to smile to as i walk pass them in the flurry of campus life, trying hard to recall their names. Cheers to good sportsmanship.

Next up, MAG's Performances By SNT and PST.
PST. I dont know why, but from the start, i worried about the set's ability to be staged without leaving the audience yawning and possibly also reducing of our spirits and will to perform. 3 songs to choose from. I personally liked the first one. The one laced with the memory of 'defeat'. I wonder why they even bothered giving us choices when 'they' have already decided on the second song. Shy and afraid to disrupt that comfort zone that automatically binds the 'Anything' attitude, i decided to keep mum. To starve myself of an honest opinion. Satisfaction robbed.
And to think i thought it was the composition or arrangement of the the people, taking up their respective roles, that failed to liven up the atmospere, in this complicated art form.
It was so embarassing that i did not acknowledge a dikir barat activist who was there to play audience. Truthfully, im ashamed. truthfully, i have no solution for it.
Our spirit has been muffled. Muffled beyond comprehension. Muffled by a force waiting to be identified. Its time for change. Its time to clean the cobwebs and replace the flickering light bulb.
Our reputation is at stake.


For all that it's worth

SNT
My love affair.
The reason people question my loyalty.
The reason for great opportunity, for photography.
The reason carpets are littered with glitter.
The reason i questioned my significance (and contributions? sacrificial actions? if any)









I managed to capture some interesting human emotions from the dancers.
Both represent that moment in time where the subconcious mind takes over, for a rest from the plasticity of the stage smile, in a display of worries that might have clouded their mind with each step they execute and the next they try to recall.

Here you see lina, choreographer, resting, waiting for her next dance step. Letting lethargy set in. Allowing worry to distort her eyebrows slightly. Ushering numbers to dance in her head, as she wait. and worry.


in this photo, we see dee removed of her stage smile. removed of her temporary happiness. reduced to being troubled by some that hangs only in her head, and not for the audience to see. a confession stubbornly clinging to her buccal cavity, never wanting to escape those pursed lips.


Although this was posed, it still has the ability to stir a few emotion that we constantly play in our hearts.
Concept: Aida. Artistic Direction and Photography: Irfan. -ceh ceh ceh

Overloading,
underpressure
Pahlawan Putih

Open House

I know its abit too late but...


Come down for TP's open house. Support MAG. Go for our performances. And dont laugh at the President who has to catwalk for TP's Urban Faces Segment. This would be interesting. not to mention embarassing.

Ku serahkan segalanya
bagaikan ibadah
agar tidak lenyap irama
paluan budaya gagah

Dampingilah ku, wahai semarak buta
Pahlawan Putih

Hopeless

They closed down the Vietnamese Beef noodles stall at Parkway Parade Banquet. Darah up sark. Where the hell am i supposed to find an antidote capable of suppressing my innermost beef noodles desire? Maybe i should ask Dina, she should know...
Thaksin's Beef noodles, S11 opposite polyclinic, has an aquired taste. One which im lacking of. heh.

I manage to complete my fitness report. wanna have a look?

Guess who decided to follow the programme.
Guess who is aching from shoulder to toe.

I was quite suprised my asthma acted up again. It began with a burning sensation on my lung passages. felt as if sparks would fly out everytime i exhaled. I managed to only jog around 1km or so. How kental. Then i gave up cos i forgot to bring my inhaler with me. However, i took the stairs to the tenth floor. Considered progress lah. I could continue complaining about how unfit im and how i cant even do one pull-up but i rather continue studying for my Health and Wellness test later on at 3.

wish me luck!
Pahlawan Putih

Muted

Precipitously, i lost the will to write, even though my brain a churning up a few good ideas, after all that verbal diahoerria. Here are pictures i didnt manage to post, to keep myself entertained...

i submited photos for Click! 2006, a photo competition opened to TP student. I must say i dont think i have a chance.. heh. so much for 3rd last year.

Lights
Lights usually come on after the sun sets which brings forth darkness. Taken during dusk this picture is to show how man made lights pale to the versatility of the sun. The row of lights linear to the Singapore river and the tiny lights on the tugboats are definitely dimmer, and less attractive than the vast ilumination of the sun on to the clouds, creating a myriad of amber colours which is also reflected by the water
Used Dee's Camera


Memories
Photos are windows to past memories. It evokes emotions and brings forth nostalgia. In the picture, two girls view memories from the eyes of the photographer, whom had taken pictures of Singapore’s relief effort during the aftermath of the Tsunami in Aceh. In this case, memories from one person can be passed to another person.
Used Khelena


A story
Everything has a story to tell, even animals. Eyes are known to be a vital organ in communication and social connection. In this case, the cats eye has a reflection of its confined state. There is also a tinge of sadness that rains from its eyes.
Used my camera


Lights- failed attempt to capture all colours of the traffic light in one picture. Its all in the timing

After that, i started the Match box Series.






My belated birthday

chocolate pound cake at mcds. thanks dee, ili, amin, sharifah, wawa, faz, yusoff, who were there.

gift- (Leather!) Guy Laroche wallet from aida and dee

Where the hell am i going to find a rich, handsome..(i forgot the other pre-requisites) caucasian boyfriend for her 21st birthday?

Self humiliation

At costume2. (dots...)

Will@TP. Irfan@Dance studio - maked-uped with bruises

Friday 13

1.2..3...*Chekiiit*

InsyaAllah someday the car will actually be moving

Chauffer for the day -hoho.

Had puri set at Sri Sun.

At Habbie after a heart burning, stomach bloating meal. (Cures to my headache, New found Supper Buddies)

My headache acted up again this morning. Lucky for me is still have 1 and a half tablets of Laxothon. The only pill that works.

Anyway, i spent a saturday at home sinking lower into the quicksand of infatuation, being a hopeless romantic and all, putting off my fitness report, craving for either mee bakso or vietnamese beef noodles. shoot.

Andai cinta benar benar tidak kenal rupa
Pahlawan Putih

I den tit y

A few nights ago, i turned on this song(the one probably playing now), taken from The Clay Bird, a film by Tareque Masud. Aida had loaned me the vcd. (Aida pampers too much. heh. will talk about that some other time).

Being an ardent fan of raw traditional culture, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, as the movie showcased quite a few colourful traditions and melodious folk songs (including this one). Anyway my mom heard the song as she was nosey-ly 'cleaning up' the room (more like inspection) and she told me off. See i have always been listening to songs that are unorthodox and beyond society's norm(basically gamelan, folk songs etc). I really dont think she means i should listen to pop and stuff like that but be 'normal'. Normality is so subjective. Whats normal is usually just a standard, frequently with reference to the media, set by society.

She and i knew that it was only partially about the song. She mention something about going against the Quran. Well the story prior to this confrontation was a bit longer. A messy situation actually.

Sometimes we wonder why parents tend to fall into the bottomless pit of assumptions but all is clear when we realise that communication lines are not too well established among parents and offsprings. Will this, parents generally misconceptualise every bit of signal/evidence we leave behind, for their scrutiny either openly or under wraps. Thats how an ink drawing on one's arm, probably done out of boredom, could be mistaken as a tattoo, turning on the natural, built in alarm systems, warning of a possible involvement or association with gangsters.

A bit too much thought put into it yet i dont blame them. what you see in the streets, living proof of walking disasters. Its almost RIGHT to assume the worst. Justifying every askewed misconception your parents have of you.

Maybe it would help to talk it out. Definately an issue that can never be resolved, only minimised.

-------

Today after much deliberation, i decided to go to school, even after doctor chern agreed to extend my MC. Had an important Student Internship Programme (SIP) briefing, at 8am. Yes. What a torture. (Both the fact that SIP is on next sem and that i had to make my way to school before 8am -i was late anyway, as usual.Kena coloured okay.) my choices:
1st Nutrition
2nd Overseas SIP
3rd Food Service/Catering
4th Dietetics
5th Lab Service

well roughly like that. I'm hoping for overseas so it would be a getaway kinda thing. I dunno. i might not get any of my choices looking at my behaviour towards school. - hoho

-------

Everytime i laugh or cough, there would be a sharp jab at the right of my chest. Today i was practically laughing the whole time as i met with my schoolmates like Jas, and Mit who accidently tortured me through comedy. Maybe its also the medicine. Making me feel light and high, and all too giggly.

Nutty Nutmeg Phantasy
Pahlawan Putih

Feeling better

...much better.
The appointment did not go so well. See, I didnt really see the need to come at 9am like the envelope states. I'd prolly have to wait summore, a lesson learnt from previous experience. Didnt bother setting an alarm, i got up at 9.44. Took my time to bathe and get dressed, quick lunch of Cik Tipah's heavenly kek lapis & marble cake, and i was off. Reached the Clinical Measurement Unit at around 10.30. Still in apathetic mode, i went into room no 7, right after a short detour to the gents - stomach upset.
Was greeted by a short, thin, chinese lady, mid 20s, monocled, in a crisp white coat straight bouncy rebonded hair. Yeah... Bouncy - Described her character. Maybe it was a pre-requisite as a lung function technical manager. She really was cut out for her job. heh.. lets just leave it at that.
You should've seen my eyes roll out and pop back in to their sockets when i was shown the 'tax invoice' - chimmified term for bill. $23.50!.. Wow.. just to breathe in and out of a contraption?
Anyway i left CHG, still giddy, heading to Dr Chern's Clinic.

After failed attempts at getting a cure, and realisation that Polyclinic doctors were indeed lazier than private doctors (wawa said so), i decide to try my luck at a, surely more costly, family doctor. Doctor Chern's Clinic is at blk 138, situated somewhere along Tampines st 11. Apparently i've been there since i was only 3 weeks old - after a curious peek at my medical records which stated 30th December 1987 as my earliest visit. The clinic will always be remembered as the clinic with it's signature green brick wall.


Anyway, i had a nice chat with Dr Chern shortly after registration, as there was only one other patient before me, about everything from my course of study and the massive headache.
Dr Chern deduced that my cranial annoyances were due to lack of rest, staying up late and basically stress. I was a bit qualmish at first, denying every bit of truth, that seemed like acid dissolving my ear drums with each word that vibrated through. I mean, i dont consider myself a stressed individual. I would rather be seen upon as a carefree flyer. hoho. But the truth was the truth. and i am myself quite a worrywart.

Back to the giddyness. (I know this is corny the last two times i told two other people but...)I was so re-lax-ed after flushing down Lax-athon, the pill i was given after all the other pain killers didnt seem to have a effect at all. I slept like a baby straight after i got home. With the rain and all.. wooo.. i was cloud 9.

and now im much better. and in the mood for fantasy. just sheer, pointless fantasy. im asking for trouble. really asking for it. hell.. at least the butterflies in my stomach keeps me entertained.

though i try to hide it, its clear
Pahlawan Putih

my condition has worsen. my headache giganomous. been vomitting lots that i try to eat. im currently typing with much difficulty. almost like i might puke on to the keyboard anytime Im due for a lung function test tmr. no school again - yes im worried about my studies.
anw... i might just visit A & E to try and get a cure for this headache. i mean... what does it take to cure a headahe right? a bloody persistent one. If all fails i will be commiting suicide in ward 29 in hopes that i would be mentioned as the boy who died of a headache. argh...
warning warning
pahlawan pening.

Eidul Adha

Selamat Hari Raya Haji
if there is such a greeting. heh. Maybe it cant be help Eidulfitri outhsines Eiduladha in terms of celebrations, particularly in the southeast asian region. In the middle east, Hari Raya Haji is given more...well..celebration.
We are celebrating it at my house, as the matriach, affectionately nicknamed nenek koni, is at our house. The food's usually the same (as Raya Puasa) and sometimes a result of potluck as only one house would be the victim of awkward family interactions. See we dont go visiting all our relatives. We just gather at wherever the eldest of the family is.
My Javanese grandad (paternal) is in the hospital. His toe amputated. Diabetes perhaps. What a way to spend Adha.

Without a doubt, i missed the morning prayers. However, i still got a glimpse of the sheep at the mosque. Paid a visit 12am in the morning.


Beads of condensed vapour drizzled down, ushered by the chilly wind. The sheeps were wet, and their enclosure, muddy. Bleak. The sight wasnt as vibrant as seen last year.
But hey, at least the sheep werent late. hoho

Pahlawan Putih

The bird's trapped in the body's cage
its feet bound by worldly chains
it tries to fly but fails
The bird's trapped in the body's cage

rainbow coloured birds circle freely in the sky
their brilliant splendour a rapture for the eye

its feet bound by worldly chains
it tries to fly but fails
The bird's trapped in the body's cage

the bird pines with longing
it yearns to spread its wings
it wants to join the joyful birds
leaving its fleeting home

The clay bird laments:
"Why did You infuse my heart with longing,
if you didn't give my wings the strength to fly?"

its feet bound by worldly chains
it tries to fly but fails
The bird's trapped in the body's cage

Ward 29 Bed 7.

After hours of endless(or so it seems) waiting, diagnosis and actual treatment, i was wheeled off to my ward. Definately a whole lot of waiting in the process. Wait for doctors, nurses and officers whom i was tickled by due to the fact they were all colour coded acording to seniority. The brighter shade/hue you don, the more bossy/senior you were.

The doctor was pretty insistent i stayed as he was quite alarmed two rounds of the Nebuliser did nothing to the wheezing in my chest. It got weird when the doctor repeated himself a dozen more time on why i should be warded. Reminded me of Tony Shaloub in Adrian Monk, Monk. After alot of waiting, it was really frustrating, especially when you have fever and forced to wear an uncomfortable mask sitting in the "Patients with Fever Section"(glass panels all four sides. a feeling of Lizard Enclosure), i was finally wheeled slowly (and steadily) to my ward through a series of restricted pathways and lifts. There was a whole lot of awkwardness. Maybe because i knew i was capable of walking and also because my dad was with me. See medisave for the first three children is under him and the other three my mom. He had to be present for the fees and all.

A surge of excitement came invited, as my strange hopes of reliving moments in the hospital was granted. I was quite impatient to hop on to my bed and get a version of Florence nightingale tending to my illness. A bit dramatic but funny enough, i was greeted by a (Tagalog speaking) nurse by the name of Flores. It could just be her family name for all i know. I was given blue 'M' size pyjamas to change a cup of diluted milo with half a slice of tuna sandwich. Not knowing what to do after a brief exploration of the ward, I laid down, mya pillow snuggly resting over my eyes.

Soon after, i was woken up by a gentle pat on my arm. The nurses were wheeling a device from one bed to another. Apparently it measures the patients' blood pressure and oxygen level. There was also the ear thermometer in the basket of wires. At this stage i didnt know what to expect. Many queries were waiting to be answered. Surely, answered in the matter of time.

There was nothing much to suppress my frivolous self except to stare blankly into the uninspiring oscillating fan. oh, and the ceiling that has a pseudo tile pattern. Maybe hospitals should redecorate ceilings, hopefully barring the puky green colour, as half the time patients lie down and are forced to view a monotonous perspective. I was longing for a book to read now that i had all the time in my hands. So how or another, i managed to sleep...
too
...only to be awaken again at 2am. A male nurse came by with a medical version of a tool box. He was unusually friendly, at such an ungodly hour, a nice change to the cold faces of the other nurses. Wrapped my arm with a twisted glove and swab a section with alcohol. My veins were eagerly protruding but my courage far from sight. Pride at stake i acted calm and cool as the nurse intrusively inserted a needle to my vein after proclaiming that it was going to be easy (the fact my veins were resembling speed humps) and i could "Relek one corner". I avoided looking at the point of penetration, but couldnt resist when i thought "Whats taking so long". It was interesting to see that my blood was more of purple then red. Then it all made sense - Veins carry deoxygenated blood, heamoglobin less red blah blah blah. The conversation continued for a while and ended with "...play football in the rain" (was informed that thats why most of the patients get asthma attack). With warmness still lingering from that conversation, i dozed off again. and again, my 'Z's shortlved.

This time it was the doctor. It was quite embarassing when she let out a slight snigger which was also when i realised i was ogling at her. Didnt think i would stare at her that obviously. Well i've always said, i usually fall for older women. hoho. Anyway she had a wedding band (thats usually the case aint it, older and/or taken.) The assessment went alright. I was to continue with the nebuliser at 4hr intervals. I didnt bother shutting my eyes this time as soon after the doctor drew back the curtains (that happened to be puky green), the nurse came with a syringe of clear liquid. Neb time!.
I was abit concerned for the other patients as the oxygen misting the ventolin and saline liquid makes a disturbing hissing sound. I sat up straight, eyes watering from the multiple yawns, conciously breathing in and out. The rumbling and wheezing in my lungs were unsatiable, an indication that my lungs where full of phelgm waiting to be expelled.

I woke up before dawn (ard 6-ish). The lights were on and there seemed to be movement in the ward again. They were wheeling the same device again which made me figure out that my blood pressure, body temperature and oxygen level (in blood) was being monitored at intervals too. Soon after, i got my ass of the bed - with much relief, went to the toilet and took my abolutions. Did my Subuh sitting down just like zohor,ashar,magrib and ishak the day before. My lightheadedness did not permit me to stand still thus a chair was called for. This was another advantage to being hospitalised. All my waktu(s) were being looked after, contrary to everyday life -heh.

After a series of naps and nebs, i was left anticipating the digital digits of my phone to display '12:00pm' as it meant the start of the first visiting time which also meant i might finally have company from either my friends or by a book i requested my mom to bring for me. It was the former that arrived. Angel and Asmah came by with Seafood fried rice and Mee rebus (due to my fickle mindedness) from bedok hawker centre. I placed the food aside as i had just finshed an oily serving of Noodle Delight, hospital lunch. Should've capture Angel's reaction when she found out i was lying about being knocked down by a lorry. hoho. Managed to chat here and there before Ili and Dee came by too. Suddenly i became unneccessarily concious of the pyjamas i was wearing in the afternoon. Angel and Asmah left before it became anymore awkward and also since Angel had a tutorial at 4. Ili and Dee brought chocolate that they themselves were eager to eat. My abdomen that was sore, from all the coughing, was not spared as Ili lashed out her nonsense, as usual. I had fun all the way down to the lobby. Ili had to leave for work and Dee had practice.

Dinner came early at 6. Asam Pedas w/ fish, stir-fried cabage and longbeans, rice and Longan snow fungus soup. Not long after, Cik Tipah + Uncle Bakar and Cik Norli + Ilhan dropped for a visit. It was nice to see that little bugger. After they left, Kakak ya and Sahar paid a visit. Never meet long time also. Discovered i accidently tipped the tasting cup that had my cough syrup, leaving a sticky mess on my bag which was conviniently cushioning it's fall from the bedside locker.

Family came a bit too early, didnt manage to have a proper conversation with my cousins but at least they brought Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, a book i have been putting off reading. Everyone left. 9pm. Way beyond boundaries of visiting time. The bed beside me - still had a circle of 'concerned' family members, the lobby - closed, the lounge - filled with roaring laughter and obnoxious dialect. I had nowhere to run. Nowhere to read my book. Clenched my jaw, teeth pressing on teeth, fingernails tight in my fist, i went back to my bed. Blasting my mp3 on my earphones could not drown the empty, sympathetic conversations my neighbours were having. Soon after, they left. And it all seemed like another test of patience. Something you'll really need, and train to stretch, when living in Sg.

The book got me hook. Discrimination and stereotyping aside, i think J.K. Rowling is a fabulous writer, who is tremendous at keeping a link between her books and basically a genius. I guess reading her book had rekindled a favourite pastime that vanished soon after pastimes became a luxury, and ignited a wasteful passion for writing long winded entries that are confusing as a whole. heh.
The senior nurse, malay (from the way she correctly pronounced my name), was kind enough to allow me to read the book in the light and drawing the curtains, so as not to disturb the other patients. By the next day, i completed half the book, the only productive thing i did other than to 'get well'.

In the morning, after a few more nebs, the doctor came by. Was quite elated i could be discharged that day itself. I was done with the hospital experience. I had enough of "muslim food"(another discrimination. muslim food vs malay food. Morbid humour - how Ketchup Fish was actually Soy Sauce Fish [Kicap lah!]) Overall it was an experience i needed to go through and i felt beneficial in preparation for NS -uniform, sucky food, early bedtime.

A far cry from my expectations. Then again, expectations are meant to be unrealistically set. I expected a condusive environment to 'get well'.
Places may fail to entertain.
People will never cease to amaze.

Pahlawan Putih

This headache might just be the death of me.

The headache's back. The gruesome irritating makes-me-suicidal headache is back. I had it on my 16th birthday and either Abg Najib's or Abg Farid's wedding at Kampung Ubi cc. Its realy an annoyance. it just wont go away. And it seems everyone thinks its just a headache. well headaches are symptoms. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
theres jsut so many things in my mind. So many worries to be worried. so many people to please. Fuck it lah.

argh
[ahlawanpnadfh

MIA

You guys are probably tired of clicking a link to this site to check for updates. Well, it seems blogging has lost its omph, shazaz, omnipotence, flare, appeal. Half of my daily reads (that i enjoy reading) have dissapeared like Podah! and This Lifetime and some are still existant but just updating less frequently and less excitingly. [Now i'll have to go back to reading the newspaper.]
I for one am one of those people. Maybe it had grown to be a chore and people start abstaining from blogging as to reduce distraction from their lives.
I mean, we're sacrificing 10-30mins each time thinking of things to update the site with so that entertainment-seekers with too much time on their hands (prolly procrastinating) are compelled to tag on our tagboards. Of course there are other reasons like just an output, or just a bookshelve to keep memories for the years to come, or selling items like modesty, dignity, 6-i+e etc. What ever it is, its getting boringly dull here. Call in the sad clowns.
Im drinking spirits in the hope i get one......

Anyway i have lots of updates on last week.

Tuesday: SNT photo shoot, briefing

Was quite a tiring day. Gargantuously exhausting.
Started with a nasty fall. Well, I fell in love. With Khelena. I picked her up from Punggol (still etched in my mind, pictorial recollections forming a map. in case i have the urge to meet her). It was a nice sunny (but cool) morning, and in the bus, i was sitting next to Khelena. We were both apprehensive and shy at first but then we got comfortable with each other's presence. I couldnt contain the butterflies in my stomach as their presence (the butterflies) was due to an eclectic mix of anxiety to get to know Khelena and the apprehension for the fact that she was already someone else's. Our journey to Temasek Poly took almost 40mins, quite faster than expected (consdering we took two buses and an MRT),and since we left punggol at 0940hrs, we reached school at 1020hrs. I introduced her to the SNT girls (whom Khelena will be working with) with much excitement, feeling proud i managed to hook up with a beautiful chick. I even caught a few green eyed stares at the corner of my eye. I brushed it off from my mind as now, Khelena is with me, and is all that matters.
The shoot officially started at ard 1200hrs, i was upset and showed my displeasure as (everybody should know) noon time is the worst time to take photographs as there wont be shadows and less dramatic effect to the subjects. But i proceeded. Then i rushed of for the talk and rushed back. and then soon after a few agonising hours, it was over. Glitter and potpourri all over the floor. Then, off to BK for supper/late dinner. Khelena stayed over at my place. It was just nice to have her by my side. If you guys haven't already found out, Khelena's actually a digital SLR camera. To think only that night i discovered the Automatic focus switch.Luckily all the pics werent blur. I was somekind of Javanese guy thing.


Wednesday: Singapore Zoological Gardens with Auntie Ants crew

The Girls thought $15 was just cut throat to see Animals from all across the globe in their enclosure made similar to their natural habitat behaving naturally and the chance of superb photgraphy. Well, i was minority. hohoh. So instead they decided to go sentosa. Woo-hoo~(Sense the sarcasm?). They said meet 1030hrs at Harborfront. Guess who was still rubbing his eyes (adjusting to the sunlight) and stretching his toes at 1030hrs. It was hilariouslah.
I reached at i-cant-remember-hrs and yes they all gave me the face. Partly cos i didnt bring anything for the picnic either. hoho. Grabbed a packet of Teh Peng from the usual stall and took the shuttle bus to the heavily commercialised island. (I found a word to describe the teh peng at Harbor front Hawker centre, "Dreamy". Just like me -hoho)
Jas brought us to her can-see/catch-fish-bridge-small-island-across-siloso-beach. It was nice. Better than Tanjong beach -infested with four-legged creatures aimed at catching flyin objects and mating with every other dog in sight. Then we were about to head of to coffee bean - Yeah, go all the way to sentosa to go cb. cb. , i lead the way to experience the free viewing section of the underwater world. hoho.. Large turltles either waving at us with its flipper or trying to sign something vulgar with the lack of third fingers.
Then we saw peacocks. Jas said the males would fan out their extravgantly flamboyant feathers when threatened or scared. Maybe we should have showed our FPQAP portfolio requirements. Anway.. they sell a cup of ice for a dollar there. BLOODy CUT OESOPHAGUS. And the lady had the audacity to recommend buying it with the drink for $2.60. - Boleh beli nasi lemak sark. After giving up, we took the blue line, passed the visitor departure place then went up to the Coffee bean.
I was treated with a free Fruit Iced Tea (Thanks to [shitiforgotindrah'sgirlfriendsname]. I didnt know she was working at that outlet. Manage summore.) and a monkey encounter. Pictures may explaing it all. It was my second day with Khelena. Thanks again Aida's since secondary school friend, Rizal.






with all that animal, it was almost the zoo.

Then it ended around 6. On my way home, i bumped into Zah, Shikin and Zaki. The last time we met outside was at burger king, hanging out after scriptwriting workshop. Was going to buy dinner and dine out but i decided to join them since they were going to Ljs anyways. After convincing me to treat them to Seoul Garden, we left to walk-walk. Landed at the arcade at TM. Played 2 games of air hockey and matching-matching thing then we bersurai-ed.

Thursday: El-Sheik with Sarah and Nadia and Fauzia

At this point i was already fed-up. Girls all have a common traits. One which is most distinctive is nagging. wah lanz. meet girls 3 days in a row. Now i have a gist of how my guy friends (all attached/some MIA) feel like. Thus im still single. hoho. Lets just leaving the nagging to my mom first k. heh. Love is but nagging attention.
But anyway, a plan is a plan. so met them a bit late as i was in school tutoring an IT (and later, a Design) student on how to use Photoshop, and create website. Whats the world coming to.
Back to belly dancerable arab music and the sweet smell of fruit flavoured sheeshas. El sheik was chosen over places like Al-majlis, Samar etc for good sheesha. but it wasnt all that good that day. It all then suddenly felt cliche. Everything seem to be have done before. The chicken shawarma (w/ rice) however was very delectably scrumptious. Then there was an ar of uneasiness that lingered in my stomach. Even a visit to the gents did not relieve me of the nagging pain. And so i left. There was no point in staying. El sheik didnt have any spirits.
alighted at simei. Continued with my tutorial.



Friday: DK Training
I had every intention to go. But Fridays are days where i totally lose it. I just lose my organisation. I totally forgot about a compulsory talk but i remembered it. Confusing? yeah.. thats fridayas for me. Most of the times i would walk halfway from my house to the mosque and stop, thinking "Is today really friday?"
After adopting my apathetic split personality, i just decided to go prayers and then go off to SPCA Bartley Rd for phototaking. Met lots of cats there.
There was one mischeivious cat who's name was Gerald but i decided Teh Peng was more suitable due to his tea (w/ milk) coloured fur. Then there was Sophie. all beautiful. Took quite a few good pics.

Then headed to Toa Payoh to head to Town.
By now i was already feeling not so good. After topman and topshop (not my scene) headed to puncak for dinner. I regretted being curious for the second time. Two words. Honeydew Chicken Noodle (ok fine, 3 words.) How about an adjective? Diabetic. It was so bloody sweet, they should have place it under dessert. What an annoyance. Bloated, i left the guys for home. At this point, i was sicker. hoho

So two times in a row, i left when the night was young... is it wrong? should courtesy have any say in it?

Then on saturday i went ill. Spent new year playing Cluedo at Dee's. Pressed the forbidden switch and did my business in the dark. nonetheless it was fun. enjoyed it throughly.
the sunday, i was moaning. head spinning.

then on monday...

Ward 29 bed 7
Pahlawan Putih

To Do

everytime its the same story. same ol, same ol. Confirm have to-do list during a Term Break. I just sent out a pretty long last minute email. forked lah.

1. 2 scripts for a 15mins play with 3 or less characters.
2. Minutes writing Practice for Comm skills test
3. MAG T-shirt Design
4. Invites
5. Find presents
6. show the ropes to blog making
7. Worry about Will @ TP and Open House

My Schedule
Tuesday: SNT photo shoot, briefing
Wednesday: Singapore Zoological Gardens with Auntie Ants crew
Thursday: El-Sheik with Sarah and Nadia
Friday: DK Training
Saturday: No plans as of yet
Sunday: No plans as of yet
Monday: No plans as of yet

Gonna be bloody broke lor. fishcakes.

And its true, time seems to pass by faster during term breaks and holidays in general. Lucky for me the weather is just so perfect for naps in the late afternoons.


Anyway, the past few days have been filled will DVDs courtesy of Aida!
I watched Nobody Knows, Singapore Shorts, The Return and recently (as in just now) Kandahar.
All with beautiful photography. All has depth in terms of message. Maybe draggy for the common man but life is but draggy.

Go watch!
Pahlawan Putih

Mari Kerismas

To all who celebrate and do not, Kerismas. The Melayu version of X'mas.


All i want for Kerismas is a bike license plus a vintage bike

Yesterday,
i had a show at Masjid Darussalam with the Geylang Serai Boys Club. We were asked on Thursday about the show. Confirmed that night itself.
Tema: Jihad. Wrote lyrics of yengki friday morning. Decide to use lagu kelantan for juara. Didnt show up for training you know why. Then on Saturday... Wrote lyrics to kelantan and patani on the way to Clementi (MRT). So last minute but most of our guys came down. Dah macam comp squad - 6-6. Kelakar lah bila all the respective pasangans wore tudung. Kecoh.
Riuh balik. I have a good feeling about this. I smiled more yesterday. A bigs thanks yous to abang heartlanders kita for closing the deal... Zuraidi!

Juara
Sungguh sedih kalau tengok peperangan*
tindih-tindih atas tembok bergulinggan
paling sedih putus kaki, kudung tangan
tinggal kasi tinggal bini putus tunang
(*Actual word: kemalangan)

Yengki
Merah mengalir nyawa menghilang
jari menggetir tangis berlinang
gelar jihad Maha Penyayang
runtuh makna dijadikan jalang

Kelantan
Ulang-ulang ia dirakam
ulang-ulang ia ditayang
minda dunia ia menerkam
salah faham wabak melayang

Hai peluru dilepaskan
konon suci peperangan
apa guna senjataan
sempurnakan dulu iman

Patani
Peperangan!

Jihad: Peperangan suci untuk mempertahankan agama Islam demi Allah s.w.t

Peperangan?
Oh..Tembak, senapang, bom...baru-baru ni, Nuclear!

Bukan...itu salah faham.

Peperangan bukan setakat pedang dengan pedang,
senapang dengan senapang
bunuh-menbunuh!

Tetapi..
Berjuang untuk iman, kedamaian, keharmonian dan kesejahteraan hidup kita sebagai umat Islam.

Matang
(Insert Citra Matang)

Penutup
Ala Ewa, Ewa Bulan
Wau Bulan Teraju Tiga

>Tamat<

Hancur!... Patani didnt even rhyme. I wanted to explore the meaningn of Jihad but in the end rosak cos Ardi was also contributing..heh. Confirmed fail IF it were for a comp. I am growing more and more pressurised as quite alot of expectation falls on me for lyrics section. I must not let them down for MP2006. Then again.. im still paralysed from the aftershock. Lets just not think too much.

A video was taken. and i captured this very buruk picture of myself

Penghayatan mau lebih - Baik Party Hat!


We also took pictures -Informal pun macam formal(Group at the right of picture) Muka cramp (Aidi and Me on left.) and the rest...

Week of the week

To those who have been whining for update, whine no more. For i is here.
Been inactive due to my activity outside of the world wide web. Quite an eventful week i say.
First were the term tests. I would rename term pain-in-the-asses. My last paper was the most difficult. I was so bloody sleepy that i kept nodding off during the first half an hour of the paper.
A lot of going out.
on Tueday, after two grueling papers, me and aida decided to lepak at Airport (mini celebration as i aida finished her papers, while i still had 2 more to go that thursday.) Discovered the wonders of Popeye's where Ili was working. Then I read a chapter of a cool illustrated novel, Ramadhan by (i forgot the author), at Terminal 2, Coffee Bean. Amazingly time flew past fast as we waited for ili to finish her shift. The airport just brings back memories of those BK crew days - i miss the secret hangout.

On wednesday, i studied at Starbucks Tampines. There's this corner which is so bloody conducive for me. I had the Caramel Frappe and what else? Lemon Citron Tart. No one believes me when i say that starbuck Tampines is only outlet you can get the heavenly tart.

Then on thursday, the 2nd day which had 2 papers, i went home to sleep. Woo.. celebrations habis.

Then on friday. Met a friend at chinatown, my first time aware that i was in chinatown, go round round. Then met the girls women ladies (pun intended) for arab street experience. To many things happened. Made it more memorable. heh.
There was the Bussorah Street, Costume Costume shop, Taman Warisan, Al Majlis (legal sheesha-ing y'all - hoho), a quick toilet break at Bugis Junction, Shaw tower for Starbucks (4 drinks for the price of one), Esplanade Roof top, the after that is to be kept to strict confidentiality. What a funny day.

here are the pictures

Whoops.. (Looks at finger)


hehehe


New band in town


Dream scooter


At the esplanade

i live for the day. Cos change is a definate constant. And we can never go back to the old ways...

High..
Pahlawan Putih

Kill me!

Just smack me in the head with a radioactive duck with the bird flu. So in the end, the weekend was wasted. I did not do any studying. Pinch yourself if you think im proud. im ashamed. what manner of disgrace is this? I just couldnt study. simply couldnt study. well i tried. but to no avail.

What was i doing? Sleeping. and changing my friendster profile.

and getting drunk on potato chowder - ouh but it was the best.

Later at 1 i have an open book test. you know how open book tests are.. bloody sneaking and it forces you to think! anyway.. here's my schedule

Food Preservation & Quality Assurance Project 19 Dec 2005 (Mon)
Communication Skills for Applied Science 3 20 Dec 2005 (Tues)
Health and Wellness 20 Dec 2005 (Tues)
Advanced Food Science 22 Dec 2005 (Thurs)
PBPN 22 Dec 2005 (Thurs)

Doom awaits.
Pahlawan Putih

Ooh.. potato chowder..

I started at 3 and ended at 4.50 - cooking. Then i went to faddy's blog. I like this video. Very interesting.
The video i had my lunch with.

*video taken off*. it seems like you cant have two flash players in one site. so...

[Click Here!]
highly recommended

An afternoon with the hijabbed
Pahlawan Putih

so much for not revealing the new template. i forgot that i saved it in blogger for the meantime. but when i posted the previous post. i published the template with it

Hiatus

I never really like to mention that I would be on hiatus. I don’t have that kind of will power to not log in to the internet for more than a day.

Finished cleaning my room a while back. Organised a must revise stack for my term test this coming week aka the week stating tmrw. I m such a shit head. Im stressed that I haven’t started my revision. Not cos my test is tmrw. I mean this could be a bad habit.

Mom’s in KL for a wedding. Brought the 3 younger ones with her. Its weird how the ‘men’ of the house (bibik not included) are left in the house. We all hardly talk to each other. Hardly even home come to think of it. I kinda miss the times at BLK 147. hehe, absorbed with nostalgia. Anyway.. I think im going out to get some stuff to last me for the next two days or so. Prolly cooking a big pot Potato chowder – hehe to aida, then refrigerate some.

In the last two days or so, I was experimenting on a new blog template. But I guess its still too flawful to be posted. Now i vaguely know how to use macromedia flash. Maybe after term test I’ll get it refined

Reply to tags
duX`-: wuits, bape kau dapat for first two assignments..?
I got 7 for my mask, 8.5 for the write up. Tak fair sarks. But for my presentation, 10.5. hahah

pinkphreak: Your hosting wasn't that bad just that at some point of time I couldn't make up what you were saying
Must have been the apek-sound system rented mics

sha: nice bloggy!!! but the pic a bit weird uh... hairy.. heh. btw, i saw u in tp before. u performed dk outside library right?
I readily accept the fact that im hairy. It’s the aesthetic Hoho. Yeah that was me sitting at the end making a fool out of my foolish self.

DiLa: welloo... hehe awak pun lost hp ke? iskh iskh iskhh... niwayz, nice skin u got there. Smilezz
(Smiles back) Thank you.

And I think the word ‘gay’ is being mentioned a little too much for comfort.

ange: do you think you look gay?
anonymous: wow...hott!! macy gray i mean...wahahaahhaha!!!
anakboyan: irfan...err...u seriously look freaking gay....hmmm.tis tis production by teater kami...interested?
anakboyan: kiddin yah....u noe wat...u look way more older and mature for ur age....
shidah: irfan gay? nt at all.U're all changed seh fan.Gd job
anakboyan: i din say he's gay. only tt he LOOKed gay....it's 2 diff things...no offence yah...peace..
aida: i told you you look gay in that pic. tak nak dgr. haha...
ren.: hahhaa.. gay=happy wat.. hahaha.. sorry.. kpo me...

Enlighten me. How does one look gay?
I thought it was a nice picture, and I still think it is. Anyway its just a reference for my future self. Sheesh…big fuss over a dumb picture. How controversial can I get?
Joeyaah bte Jengangan (not her real name – identity has been asked to be kept confidential) even said I should arrested for such a picture. The subject of the email? ”Call the police, and the fire brigade at that”. Joeyaah, you crack me up, but lets hope the flame isn’t rekindled between us – hohoho.
Cant a man look good once in a while?
So yeah it doesn’t matter because its an N/A status( not applicable). I m not gay. But really… don’t you think it’s a nice picture? Other than the fact im wearing a tight I-won-a-radio-contest-few-years-back Macy gray t-shirt?

princess: i love da name irfan!!
Hahah thanks for the random compliment. I found out that my name really truly means thankfulness. Hmm…

Back to the procrastination
Pahlawan Putih

Where do i go from here?


If that is really a concern.
Aida says we manusias like to complicate things.
No comments.
Yes im 18. already.

i dont see a cause for celebration.
im sorta upset actually.
Me being 17 was the best time i had. Seriously.
Will miss being 17. will miss those times.

I have always been a failure at celebrating birthdays, especially mine.
Slept 7hrs throughout the day. - So bloody relaxing.
Got twenty over mgs - first time in years

Would like to take this opportunity to thank those who msged me Bro Shariff, kakak ya, Hidayah, Noora, Shikin, Kak Ruf, Zuraidy, Jas, Angel, Amin, dee and dessy. Tags from amalina, imran, anakboyan, yaya, ren, ange, RaQ, sharifah, MKhan, Faddy, shidah, duX`-, nur kasih. Email from Nurul. Also would like to thank aida for the belated blog post. hohoh..

Most birthday wishes from friends / relatives / N/A ever. thus i reinforce that being 17 was the best experience i had. I would like to thank the Almighty for all that he has given me.

Good memories.
For the first time i won in a competition -Click photo competition. Became close to PST -Pentas, Khatulistiwa. Started experimenting with lyrics. Became President. Organized events. Fell in Love. Nominated as a group for Awok-awok terbaik. Got my first ever trophy (serious, first ever in my entire pathetic life)- Senikata Harapan. Made friends with respected people. Went for a script-writing workshop with the most radical bunch of MAG-ians(Became an old kelantanese maid). Dikir, drama then dance. Friendships forged. Some strengthened. Got involved in a whole lot of events. Events that started the ball rolling in relation to making friends. Survived two semesters. Accepted myself.

On to terrible things. I lost my phone. Dropped the new one in the sea. Lost my trusty blue bike. Lost my love. failed a paper - had to sit for supp. Got my brother's ez-link confiscated. struggling to survive this semester and some other stuff i cant remember


This is me. 18.

wonder how i would look like if i survive to be 81. hohoh.. confirm lagi handsome.
As for now, im depressed. Funny thing was we had a family session at (where else?)mom's room. Was an open informal discussion about random stuff. I told her i feel like jumping and that if i dont im not going to work but instead leech on her bonuses and what not. hahaha Kidding lah!

Semuanya ku lepaskan... demi masa hadapan....
The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of a getaway with my friends. All the beaches im gonna meet.(no pun intended) - Tioman, Ubin, Desaru?

"Ombak yang menjamah
kakiku sekali
takkan dapat
kukenali lagi" - A. Samad Said

rayuku sayu, layu,
Pahlawan Putih

happy birthday to me

DIKIR SHIOK! BERAYA!!!

Glad its over. Glad it happened.

Though me and Ardi suck-ed at hosting, we had our fair share of fun.


Kononnya judge. Ye ye aje


Jejaka of the year finalists. -raye dah habis lo..

Lots of lessons learnt as a whole. Gigantic portions of effort put in by all the members. Titisan keringat, darah dan air mata membasahi baju kurung kami. Hehe. I had to be secretary, designer, host, paper cutter, runner, cross-checking counter and many more.
Now, I really understand the feeling of the organizers in relation to a dikir competition and how co-operation is much sought after from the participants. If not, all hell breaks loose. The only problem I saw just now, was the delegation of task. Other than that, we had fun... hohoh. I personally liked the bee hoon.

As for performance wise, I couldn’t really judge as I was backstage. However Angkatan Sekolah Lama was really good. I liked the karut. Cant remember how the juara sound like – hope to see the VCD soon. Yan did good but there's still something thats missing.

More updates at Tumpat's Website

Cant wait to write my next piece. Ya I really miss squeezing my brains of every bit of creative juice, pulling out my hair, falling sleeping on my draft naskahs, flipping through the kamus looking for a word that rhymes, worsening my myopia, just to come up with a piece.

I was afraid to fall. Afraid to fail.

Pucat sekali lagi
Pahlawan Putih

Lelembut

From the start till the end, it was pure entertainment. Be it wacky or scary, it was pure entertainment. I enjoyed the fact that it was intellectually challenging to understand. I could only imagine the amount the research that had to be done for such a script and production. I also liked the fact it touched on the ‘stories’ we hear e.g. Bruce Lee’s death, Neil Armstrong hearing the adzan on the moon etc, and questions their reliability.

I think there’s a story behind the story. There’s a lesson. A message to be sent across. But im not sure what it is. Still piecing up the story with my memory of the scenes. I wish I had a recording of the piece. Or a script. or someone who has a good memory of it. Still a lot to decipher – cos every action has its justifications...

The random turns tickled my funny bone till it couldn’t be tickled anymore. Hantugerah with Japanese hosts. The mengaji nonsense – ‘Jangan diri depan garisan kuning…’. The Assalamualaikum, kum apa, combat, bat apa, batman… - brings back the childhood memories. Pochong main catching.

The cast deserves a mention. They had to sing and dance (sometimes at the same time) on top of acting. All were execellent. The actor whom I thought was good would be the one who played Romo and the Hantugerah host. My favourite would be the girl with the slang, she got my bulu romas at attention. When she was singing that almost jawa song (with the added audio effects and all) her notes pierced my soul and sent it fluttering. Aah…

On a whole, it was a pleasant, entertaining, hard to forget experience.
After it ended, it was another story all together. The lepaking at lau pa sat, coffee bean beside the river, then Starbucks at Raffles Shopping Centre.


Before the show


After the show


On our way to Lau Pa Sat they decide to jump.


At Lau Pa Sat with Ili aka Ms-salah-naik-bus.
Ili already caught the Friday night performance.

Ku tanam benih dengan penuh ragu. Tapi berputik ni semangat pabila ku lihat kepastian darimu. Biar kecil tapak mu, asalkan ia bukan tapak mengundurkan diri.
So that was the day I broke myself.

I was broke(n).
Pahlawan Putih

So much to blog so little time

If you havent already figured out, my inactivity is mainly due to the events i have a part to play in. Gemilang Aidilfitri was two weeks ago, but it seems like it was yesterday. Cos here i am anyaming ketupats again... hohoho..

I really wanna blog long but i gotta be at the CC by 1030hrs tmrw. Doing up my script with Ardi. Yeah... if you also havent figured out, im Hosting the Event with Ardi. My nickname in Tumpat sessions is 'berg', [Wallahu 'Alam] (At least its sempurna-er than Bopeng or Africa -hohoho) but now im OC (Officer-in-charge) for Design and Finance. hahahaha
all the responsibility i dont wanna hold... but yesterday when i saw the banner i made in actual size, macam bangga gitu loh...


Tickets still available at the door
$15 = $2 to Jamiyah, $6 for buffet dinner, the rest to expenses for the competition itself. hohoh

Random Thoughts:
-Thanks Angel Asmah Jasmine for the bag. I like it alot and my laptop fits in!! hoho
-Aida! Teh peng at Harbor front soon. Without halia. heh. Ili, D and yan too
-Merahnya mata mu tidakkan menggentarkan kewujudanku
-Still wanna blog bout lelembut!
-Aku rindu menulis. dan berdikir barat..

Selamat Datang Ke DIKIR SHIOK! BERAYA!!!
Pahlawan Putih

Allow my soul to absorb your tranquility...

Thats the direct translation of 'Izinkan Batinku Menyerap Ketenanganmu'
And that sounds wrong.

Translation has its limitations. The phrase featured on the header pic of this blog can also be translated as 'Give my insides the permission to marinate in your peace'. hohoh wrong-er

As you all know, the beach it my retreat. Thus no further explaination required for the choice of concept.


I have been wanting to blog on a day i remember to be nice.

The highlight of the day would have been the start. I woke up feeling happy and my body, far from any form of fatigue. It was ard 8am in the morning and i really felt elated for some reason or another. Just light and refreshed. Then i had an easy test. followed by nothing! so i headed home and took a wonderful nap as the weather was perfect. So that was nice. then it started being shitty prior to the fact i had a report to hand in the following day. Makz...

maybe its cos im down with the bug. The love bug. This infactuation is draining the hell out me. And im not sure it will go anywhere. But i still have hopes. *Clenching my jaw. Facial muscles tighten. teeth shinning.

Reply to tags
aida: you put that much thought into your mask huh? makes it even more appealing to me. it's lovely btw
Thanks man. I guess I have been trained to focus on detail.

mkhan: n u got to take a picture with M NASIR!!! WARFGGGGHH!!
Yeah. Warfgggghh.
mkhan: ohmygosh ur mask is sooo LAWA!!! and ur write-up ah...PHOOO I feel so intimidated.
Ouh don’t be. I was worried no one could understand it as I did half asleep.

duX`-: seeeyaakk ahh kauuu~ citer peh baik. now comes the second assignment. heh heh. kau pilih ape ah?
Thanks sia. Marcel Duchamp. Baru ingat – got to do research

Faddy: "lucky bugger" sounds sooooo darn familar. kekeek!! anyway, yah!! the lights were like wowoweeeee! uber chio.
Yeah with the smoke and all.

kizzie: funny how we always see m. nasir under tok long's block at bedok reservoir on first day Raya when we were younger& now you're so into him. should've gone up to him then eh. no other fans to kacau
Yea! Come to think of it I have the faintest most vaguest memory of that happening. What a waste… but I like Mentera Semerah Padi since young hohoh

passerby: well i mean it IS u.lol sorry.
passerby: somehow that mask looks like u.heh
Hey no worries. No need to apologise. Even I was thinking of then. Then I went “Duh that’s my bloody face. How stupid can I get” – that’s rhetorical question btw

ange: send me my mask lah you. (:
done. Sorry I almost suffocate you. Hoho. It was the nose’s fault.

anonymous: wow. i like teh whole concept and how each detailed is justified! good job.
Thanks a million. though i wish i vaguely know who you are.

Dee: nice nice skin! eh tt pic i took rite? Heh
Abeh bangga ah… hahah but I like the pic on the left more.

Fad: now thats what i call a beautiful template.
This is what I call a torturous template.

I thought since I’ve done more than 10 templates I would finish up faster, but that’s just a myth. Maybe its cos I look for new stuff to do and explore/experiment.

Today was almost photoshop day. I did the template, MAG recruitment forms that have yet to be approved and a part of the Dikir Shiok! Beraya!!! certificates of participation. Wooo my eyes. All that radiation. All that electricity…


im gonna blog about lelembut some other time... no mood now..

Lelembut - Intellectually intriguing
Pahlawan Putih

To mask or not to mask...

That is Arts Appreciation.

Our task was to make a mask and do it up anyway we like. This is my mask.

on me


my face, my mask.

We also had to do a write up. So this is mine...

Arts App. - Mask Making
Long before my partner laid strips of plaster on my face, I came up with a rough concept for the mask. The Legend of Princess Mount Ophir, more commonly known in the Malay community as ‘Lagenda Puteri Gunung Ledang’, inspires the idea for the concept. Briefly, the legend is about a Javanese Princess from Majapahit who came to Gunung Ledang in Malacca to be with her lover, Hang Tuah. Prior to that, she faced a lot of obstacles including being forced to marry the Sultan of Malacca to prevent invaders from conquering her native land. In the end, she was cursed – she was never to be seen by anyone or they will die a terrible death through internal bleeding. This is depicted in the absence of eyeholes in my mask.

I try to depict parts of this beautiful legend through my mask. I requested that the mask be made with a peak at the forehead to represent Mount Ophir itself, the mountain Gusti Putri Retno Dumillah was prepared to climb for her lover. It also signifies the climax of her love that she will never achieve and that she can only dream of, thus the peak is placed above the forehead. The peak has blue designs on it to show that it is only fantasy in nature. Painted gold to look like a crown, the design on the forehead, which was initially done with 3D fabric paint to give texture, represents Gusti Putri’s royal background

To follow Javanese tradition, the brows are forked, also known as Kening Bercabang, representing a conflict and contradiction of values between Gusti Putri and her lover, Hang Tuah. Above the left brow are 7 dots that represent the conditions she requested from the sultan before she would except his hand in marriage.

I also attached a piece of batik cloth, in the shape of flowing tears, to the right of the mask to represent her eternal despair. Batik was chosen as its patterns can be infinite and that it originated in Indonesia just like Gusti Putri.

On the left part of the mask, I also painted tears in blue, green and black. Some belief that rain at Mount Ophir are actually Gusti Putri’s tears. They will then flood the rivers and waterfalls then give life to the flora and fauna surrounding it. Thus the painted tears are to represent the river and the lush forest that surrounds it. Other than the forest, green represents her jealousy towards Hang Tuah’s loyalty to the Sultan

The lips were painted black as a symbol of deprivation from love and her desires. Her yearning to be with Hang Tuah is described as a thirst that can never be quenched.

Personally I can relate to the legend and so I decided make it the subject of my mask. Also I like Asian art and am myself partly Javanese.

Thus the story of Gusti Putri depicted in my mask

Jika ini hakikatnya...
Pahlawan Putih

M. Nasir

If only i could follow his footsteps.
If only i had that much talent.
Yet i m still thankful. Imagine a world full of M. Nasirs...

Concert was actually to be only 90mins long but it sorta stretched to 180mins according Fad. I couldnt care less seh. As long as he sang my favourites and showed me the real M. Nasir, it would excite the hell out of me.
His performance was way better than at last years Pesta Raya - Malam Nusantara. The maestro who's music encompasses middle eastern, south american, and more importantly rythms and beats from the Malay Archipelago, entertained the crowd through his odd dancing style, his morbid humour, his unique voice and not forgeting his well known songs. He was very interactive with the audience, which made it more exciting. A pity the Esplanade lacked a hall whereby his fans could move together with him.
However the lighting was spectacular. Talk about lights, Ahli Fiqir was just borrowing the limelight, and the culture. [I found it annoying that they were all dressed up while M. Nasir was just taking the chill pill. Heh. Thats another attribute that makes me look up to him - Its all about the music(not the fancy attire or 'performance'). Everyone including backup singers we wearing casually.] I anticipated a duet by Misha and M. Nasir and i was pleasantly accurate. [At first i thought alamak.. misha tompang limelight jugak? but then she was also a fan. And highly attractive cos of her kelantan telo- hurhurhur] Amazingly entertaining...A night i would definately find hard to forget.

Dalam hutan
Ada taman
Dan dalam taman
Ada puterinya

Dalam baju
Ada cinta
Dan dalam cinta
Ada segala-galanya

Dalam awan
Ada hujan
Dan dalam hujan
Ada lautan

Dalam aku
Ada dia
Dan dalam dia
Ada kita ada semua


Dont ask why jauh sangat. *Chuckle.. Lucky bugger

Ni seni kita kongsi
Pahlawan Putih

Its times like this...

that you're thankful you're alive.

Saturday, 26th November. Last minute outing planned. Woohoo...

Met Noraida (1415hrs) and left Tampines on the Mass Rapid Transit. Got down at Bugis station platform to wait for Diyanah. Then continued to Outram and changed to North-East Line. Stopped at Harbour Front and had late lunch. Cheap Gado-gado was good but i was suprised it was not as masam as the woman's (who served) face. Aida's leftover Mee Bakso was also delicious. Fuyo..Power. Teh Peng kalahkan Sri Sun's.

Then we headed off to Sentosa. Destination: Luge. Aida works there so she went in for free and we got discounted tickets. Got the buy 2 get 1 free tix promotion. First time, It was a BLAST! so fast so furious. "But some people ah, so slow.. practically had to stop and wait for her"

Trust me, it was exhilarating. Luge down like dont have future

What goes down must go up rite? hoho actually sometimes only. ANYWAY, we went up the chairlift. Palms begin to sweat. Feet as though tickled by the anxiety and the soft afternoon wind.

Satu satu muka macam nak kena PAM.

Nonetheless the view was superb. The Crew entertainingly friendly. The Helmets free from weird smells.

After exhausting our 3 rides, we headed to Coffee bean for a short break before we (thought) left sentosa. Pure chocolate on an open porch overlooking most of sentosa and part of PSA.

Romantisism

While heading off to catch the Blue Line Bus, Aida met her friend at the Carlsberg Sky Tower Entrance. And you know lah what came next.... percuma-ism.

Unexpectedly pleasant. Excited were we.


Beautiful view. The sun decided to come out at the right time.


Thanks Aida, for knowing Raudah. hahaha... She took this pic for us. Thanks again..

After all the butterflies that we may have killed in our stomachs, we decide that the trip was still too short so we bought tickets on the chairlift again to marvel at the sun set.

It was like floating on air. Well, we were suspended.

The beach was also beautiful. Though inviting... i couldnt bring myself to jump right in. My feet were soothed though. And i got an inspiration for my next template.

Maybe it was too romantic... hohohohoh

Then headed to Centre Point and after a few pictures, we went to meet up with Aida's family for dinner at Upper Dickson Rd. Puri!!! with chickpeas! Then her family was kind enough to treat us to Kulfi at the opposite restaurant. In the end of it all, it left me nostalgic. Etched in my memory. Thanks guys.

No expectations, More fun.
Delicious meat balls. Banging on to each other's luge. My first Road Accident. Singing tempeh goreng song on the chairlift. A guy asking for my no. Sweet soft cookie. 360degree view from sentosa. Sea's reflection of the sun set. Bus ride with teh and teh peng. M&Ms in christmas mode. Puri with chickpeas. Sweet, sweet kulfi. To end it all, baby cockroaches.

Lets not forget the company..

We should this again.
Pahlawan Putih

Jangan sampai jong pecah, yu kenyang...

Jangan sampai retak jadi belah.
Jangan lalai, gerak jadi lelah.
Jangan sampai jong pecah.
Jangan yu kenyang merata.

Terbentang sudah hamparan esok. Arah tujunya entah kemana. Hai si tukang telek pun dah terhantuk. Sudah keliru; mana yang baru dan mana yang lama? Mana yang layu, mana yang segar? Doa ku untukmu agar kekal berdasarkan niat sebenar-benarnya. Biar paha yang terasa juga mengongsi duka.

Nada suaramu mencerita kan semua. tanpa kekata.

Amat terharu, hon!hon!
Pahlawan Putih

Are you worthy?

My blog is worth $13,548.96.
How much is your blog worth?

hohoh..

Ego Boosted
Pahlawan Putih

Ceritanya panjang

tapi inilah sebenarnya...

Ia bermula sebagai hari yang biasa. Semuanya luar biasa malah dalam linkungan kebiasaan. Biasanya Matahari menyinar dengan sepenuh bisanya dan ini berlaku pada hari yang biasa itu. Aku pula terpaksa membiasakan diriku untuk menghadapi kebiasaan hari biasa tersebut. Lupakan kebiasaan, aku mula perjalanan untuk bertemu dengan Lina a.k.a. Hornbill goes Hon-hon. Kami berjanji bertemu di 'Semall Mek' tetapi terlajak ke This Fashion, Temporary Bank, dan DBS building sebelum kembali lagi ke "Semall mek"



adalah sikit malu-malu kuching... Lagi lagi bila kami terserempak dengan Haji Yasin dan Hajjah Dessy. Dorang pun malu malu, kata om puteh - "Camera Shy".



Bila ditanya, Haji mengaku bahawa dia harus berzikir sebentar sebelum kamera dapat memetik gambarnya supaya dia kelihatan lebih kacak.Ketika itu, Hajjah Dessy dilapor menjeling sebagai balas kepada komen Haji Yasin.


Kemudian Amin dan Saidah a.k.a Caca menjelma berpelukan. Sebelum Haji Yasin sempat berceramah dengan semangat yang berkobar-kobar, Amin memberi penjelasan bagi situasi yang mereka sedang menghadap. Kebetulannya, kepala kedua pihak terlekat antara sesama kerana pada pagi itu, Caca telah tersapu gum ke mukanya yang beliau sangka "Foundation". Mereka mula meradang ketika waktunya menaiki bas. "Untuk semetara kami akan belajar dari ketam cara jalan mereka"

Setelah lebih kurang satu jam dua puluh lima minit dan tujuh puluh sembilan dan suku saat, sampai pula keluarga bahagia Tuan Siddiq a.k.a Janggot Anwar Zain. Dia bersama isterinya Ili Liyana Izyan a.k.a Pe'ah (jgn tanya dari mana Pe'ah terkeluar) dan puterinya Baticia a.k.a Malu Sekejap Aja. Suami isteri tempah baju sama warna tetapi Ticia(Memakai baju kebangsaan Swiss) dilahirkan di Switzerland - Tanah kelarihan Pe'ah)



Mereka pun mula berarak sebagai satu kumpulan gergasi. Semuanya tidak sanggup menaik MRT, jadi mereka turun MRT dan jalan bawah mrt. (Dua olang nya muka tak leh lihat.. siapa tu?)



Di sini berputiklah masalah yang akan membesar hingga tidak dapat diselesaikan secara aman. Sewaktu berarak, Ili di tinggalkan seorang bersama anaknya. Tuan Siddiq mula mencari madu yang ke 2.



Di tanggalah yang dia menjumpa mangsa nya, Lina Hon-hon... "Tidakkk" kata hatiku. Sanubari hangat ibarat dipanggang api gejola.
Pasrah memenuhi lubuk jiwa Ili, melimpah ke semua penjuru akal nya.



"Apakah harus aku buat?... Bagaimana dengan Ticia?"

*Bersambung....



Jemputlah datang ke Open house Pe'ah.

RSVP ...

Sila confirm your attendance.. Limitied food

I keep my promises.
Pahlawan Putih

Very the sorry

yes, school is taking most of my time these days. I apologise to my (panasonic [according to aida]) fans out there that might be hampa, kecewa or dissapointed in any way.

I have been meaning to write an entry about the wonderous syawal related escapades that have been going on. Will update pics and the video once i have the time. Will, eh.

Been feeling quite down. I guess its after the sad realisation that i might not be able to go on holiday sometime soon (sometime soon- ard 6 mths?) Tioman pun belum confirm.
And im pissed i couldnt get last minute tickets to Moon People. I hope Cynthia understand. But still i feel quite bad cos she's always been there be it rehearsals or the real thing. Now its her performance and i dont even show up for one of the 4 shows. haiyah.
And im lagi pissed Mr Helfi Bin Selamat changed no. again and i cant force him to come along for M. Nasir's concert. I gave up on him and bought my ticket. Going solo like the last time for Pesta Raya. But hey.. who cares right? Even though the seat belakang like nonsense, im gonna get to Damping M. Nasir. wooo

okay.. more updates later

Sweaty palms
Pahlawan Putih

To do:

1)Gemilang
-Posters
-Email Chain Letter/Invitations
-Buy guestbook, coloured pens and dots.
-Borrow lampu kelap-kelip.

2)CSAS 3
-Meeting Procedure Check List
-Fake Previous Minutes

3)FPQAP
-Storage conditions of Timun Achar
-Proposal Intro

4)AdFS
-Research General Recipe's for desserts and Baked products

5)Arts Appreciation
-Resource for resources
-Get concept ready

6)Any other business

---

Quite a lot of stuff to do. Well first week. And im expecting more to come.

So far the meetings i've attended this week (both MAG and Project related ones) have been interestingly engaging and interactive. First meeting was yesterday's gemilang confirmation meeting. It was exciting. At the lounge and all. Finalisations made. all went home happy.
It should be the fact now there's no more SIP-ians in the Main Comm. Still.. we have people like Siddiq MIA-ing cos of Lelembut.

Then i had two other meetings FPQAP and CSAS. Still alot of "What the heck are we supposed to do" nonsense going on. maybe by next week we are more clarified like ghee.
(ghee is clarified butter.. get it?)

CSAS3 was efficient-er. The task is to roleplay a meeting. So the lame lah.. and guess who's the chairperson of the meeting. But okay lah.. working quite well with my members. Infact.. Li Lian just emailed me the fake agenda. hohoh

Anyways.. there'll be a certain type of meeting that i will miss.. The ones with The Auntie Ants gang aka Charlie's Angels aka Smelly Pitts. Rembering AA12. hohoh


A wise man said "Cliques are there so we enjoy while participating in the routine"
more or less lah..

Keikhlasan dari hati naik ke renungan... Aku mohon maaf dari renungan.. adakah ia salah?

Minding my own business walking to class then someone caught my eye. Then our eyes met. WHOA!.. what just happened. Why are my knees trembling. Us in embrace, why? Why did our eyes meet like that?

Jaring jarang, jarang-jarang julang jerung jalang. Julung Jaring dijunjung, dijinjing, jerangkung, jeling jembelang menjerang, jongkang terjungkang, jelang jenang jejamang.

The transparent net seldoms boosts to the land the wild shark. The first time the net was carried by a skeleton, rolling of the eyes .. uh... i give up..
i dont think it makes sense anyways....

Rhyme practice...
Pahlawan Putih

Raya break.

Now im back. But not for long. The harsh reality has returned. Change is coming..
School has started.

Before a post filled with whiny complains, i shall try to continue the raya festivities.


Family on the first day.. We dont really look that fami-ly... hoho. my smelly kurta was big.



Me, maiza and mom's shades (feat. D&G bubblegum and retro Police) Can you diggit?



Tryna mimick how ilhan smiles. haha.



This was at mom's ex-colleague's house Cikgu Sahara @ Opera Estate. Aparently her husband was with the riot policemen. The dusty helmet and baton was used at the 1950 Maria Hertogh riot.



Just a spur of the moment shot.



The syawal sky (feat Syawal Cresent Moon). Dedicated to those who are away from homeland. Im reminded of you when i gaze at the sky...

Duhai Syawal... akan kau pergi juga?
Pahlawan Putih

I paint house.



Pahlawan Painter

Eid Mubarak!

Magus luna

(Updated)


(Press play, then pause, then wait for the grey line to be full, press play again)

Kekek sark.

Pics from my and other people's camera

Kumpulan Kesenian Melayu - SNT, Nadi, Titisan & PST(?)


Partly Pendekars. Wooo.. look at me and wawa - in character

]
the Maidens


Indah and Asyakies.


"Terkurung dalam jala kehidupan..."


Gothic.


Wawa with a nice pose


Post-post-show. At starbucks. Ili and hani outside.

Magus luna was a fun production. Opened my eyes to Dramatec. And more importantly, SNT. We redid a dance - Maya, but it was nonetheless awesome. Now i've learnt how SNT really works and its been a pleasure. Salai did a really good job. Im gonna try mohawk again someday.

Its killing me
Pahlawan Putih

F it lah

Im tired of hearing things like "Be careful of what you write on your blog".
Ada orang disana? My blog? my rantings.
if you wanna go all pissy cos of the things i write.. you can just close the window.

And to think people have the audacity to think im talking about them.
FYI, Post on Thursday, October 20, 2005 was refering to a guy. So unless your a guy, in his mid 20s, then the post is not refering to you.

Try to have an open mind. Life is full of possibilities. This goes out to everyone - At least seek confirmation before you go all pissed up the next time. Like i said, this extents beyond professionalism.

Thank god for real friends who care enough.

i hope since thats out, i can now focus on less important things, like making a fool outta myself.

Yes Hari Raya season is (almost) here. And with this festive season, we (of course) have cookies and other tooth decaying matter we call KUIH. My mom has so far made - notice i said mom and not we, cheese stick thingy, sugee and kuih Gajus aka. Cashew nut cookies. Then i made a stupid discovery. A discovery nonetheless. Mittens are weird looking objects that make us look like our 'animators' were too lazy to draw fingers for us. Too much work for 24frames/sec. To prove my point here's a picture of me looking stupid.

Yes the apron was just to make it more dramatic. HUrhur...

Halloween is coming up, though i dont know when it is. Not that i care for that matter. But browsing through SNT/MAG's stuff and CCA room, you'll find that there's enough for a whole costume party. So here's the costume i managed to assemble on myself. Pardon me for looking almost attractive.

Macam manis gitu loe.

Been having quite a few ifthar misadventures. Come to think of it i think i breakfast outside more than i breakfast at home. On monday, broke fast at Banquet Raffles Hospital, with Sarah and Fareha. That was after the purchase of a Pucuk-pisang green (according to the makcik) Telok belangah Baju kurung from Tekka Mall. After the 10% discounted meal, we went looking for Sheesha hangouts to hangout. Settled with El-Sheik. The owners were nice. The service was quite lousy and the food overpriced. Heavenly Baklava though. Sheesha was only good at the ending (Strawberry). I like the non-smelly bundles of smoke it produces. Almost mystical. The whole experience was definately relaxing.

and the other day before monday, broke fast at Anatolia @ Far east plaza. I had the Iskender. Very the suatu. Spending too much money lah. Must save for my wedding since its just around the corner (sarcasticly of course).

And yesterday before training, i paid the Library a short visit to return two of my books. (Lantai T. Pinkie is still with me for Ms Blackrose. FYI i saw another copy there unborrowed.)
So then i went on sastera mode. *Mat Sastera mode. Wanted to borrow five books but i narrowed it down to fit my loan quota of 3. Wanted Gul Bakawali cos it was mentioned a few times in Lantai T. Pinkie. Anw i got two Puisi books - Dikir Petani & Suara Dari Dinding Dewan, and another play/script Sirih Bertepuk, Minang Menari. It caught my eye cause there is/was a dikir group with that name. Anw i finished the book last night/this morning. Now i know what it means.. heh.
Was upset that i couldnt find Ronggeng Rokiah though. Maybe Bedok might have it.

Picture of the week.

"Zooming Reflectionzzzz"
haha title merepek

"Duhai Pencipta yang terindah
ingin aku menrangkum alamu dengan irama
izinkan aku mencatitkan keagunganmu
dengan bahasa manusiaku" -Unknown.

Insomniaticly awake.
Pahlawan Putih

Aah Kau!

bLaCkr0sE: fan!!!!!!!!!! ku da lama nkkn buku tu tau. asal aku tk penah nk dapat ekh? urghh..
Ko nak pinjam dari aku? i have till 11 nov i think.

nas: i like the layout. i've been downloading lots of lagu raya. i miss home a lot.
nas: going to ur blog feels really nice. nostalgic. and thanks for the lil updates in what's in Berita Harian. Hahahaha.
hehe, Thanks and your most welcomed. Like they say.. the heart grows fonder as you go apart... Try not to think of it too much.. heh and Selamat Eidulfitri in advance :D

ren.: salary eh... errmmm... can u become a volunteer for my co. instead? hee
ren.: btw, I watched lantai T Pinkie I think.. or was it Salina during my Pre-U days... can't rem ah.. hee
HA-HA... volunteer? dont mention that word seh.. Im volunteering to much already.

KelKatu: If u love Lantai T Pinkie, u will definitely love Rokiah Ronggeng by Dr Anuar Nor Arai.. ada orang kata, Rokiah Ronggeng melacurkan istilah teater noir.. read it and decide..
KelKatu: ooops.. Ronggeng Rokiah.. not Rokiah Ronggeng.. tu lirik KP.. ahakz
Looking forward to my next trip to the library. Hey! should meet up soon. So boleh explainkan jugak the meaning of "teater noir" - hehe ignorance

izie: hye... thanks... and yarh... nice layour. i like the pink.
Welcome and Thanks.. you take care yeah

Shara: Hai!
Harlo!!

anak boyan: nice blog....tapi apasal very girlish eh....hehe...been reading ur blog eversince i tumbled upon it few mths back...agree wit u. lantai t pinkie is a great bk. so is salina....
I ask myself the same question everyday since the new layout. Sudah takdir agaknya jadi colour pinkie... haha

lina: juz love the images u took..dari yg kau amik sampai yg kau edit..nanti aku kawin kau jadi cameraman eh??hehe..that reminds me..aku nak gambar yg time kita buka ramai2 tu!!
LINA! (Like how you greet people everytime) haha thanks alot. Kau macam mencetuskan arang hingga jadi bara. I enjoy people enjoying my pics. Insyallah if you get married. (&trying to upload hor.)

yat: nice2 bloggie......wonderful 2 be exact..hah..t pinkie a gd book...sadly ku tak de tyme nak acer sampai abis ar dulu..ahah..bz mah..haha...gna get dat man...
Terimalah kasih.. Baca, jangan tak baca...bacalah sebelum engkau dibacakan.

ange: pretty pretty !! hahha. i like pink and orange. i think im going to change my layout also. =/ ahh well.s
All the best for that. haha..

Dee: wah lawa gambar..heh..did u received my email??
Yes i did. but i think.. umm.. umm...

Umm.. More updates tmrw.. hee
Pahlawan Putih

Lantai T. Pinkie
by A. Samad Said

I thoroughly enjoyed reading the script/book. There was just something about the repetitive speech of the characters, the odd names – mainly T. PINKIE, the poetic description of their life/love, the touch of politics present, the homogenous mix of harsh reality and hopeful dreams, the rawness, the characters and their characters and lastly, the monologues that made me flip each page of the book with intense anticipation. In the book, T. PINKIE and WAK MERDEKA/ JONGKIDIN displayed an initial reluctance to cupid’s arrow but in the unexpected end, they learnt to love. Though short lived, they learnt to love (again). The common “Love is blind” message was interestingly pictured, size and smell of someone’s body, age of a man in relation to a woman’s and occupation.

“Punggung tonggekmu itu masa depanmu, Pinkie”

The character I could most relate to would be JONGKIDIN / WAK MERDEKA / NAKHODA PAWANA TAJAM. Go figure.

Anyway, im trying to make it a habit to drop by the Library after Friday prayers, and bring home some books. Lucky for me, last Friday, Lantai T. Pinkie was within my reach. Curiosity brewed from a couple of lyrics that had bits of this story woven in them. Now I can safely say I know the story of T. Pinkie, si penari Bunga Joget Moden nan berkebaya merah jambu dan berpunggung ratu. (okay I needed something to rhyme with jambu).

< 2 days to finish that book. I need more!!

Now im in a state of khayalan. Its always the case, after every good book or movie. The belief that one day, a happy ending, no matter how short, will come by my way. Insyaallah.

Im beginning to question the path im on. What opportunity He has given me seems to be pointing to one direction which im not supposed to be heading to. Im confused. Im practically annoyed (& annoying at the same time) lah. And so it seems every new person I meet, it’s like I’ve known them for years…somewhere in fantasy, in virtual insanity (yes that’s a title of a song). Just the other day at the NYPMS ifthar, I had a chat with a few guys from PBMUKS and it almost seemed like I was staring as I tried to figure out where I met/seen them before. Same thing for Ms Anisa Mehdi. It was almost I’ve met them all before.
Maybe someday I’ll figure it out. Maybe baby…

Condolences to Izyan and her family for the loss of her grandmother. Moga Allah mencucuri rahmat atas rohnya. Amin.

Its 3am and i cant sleep. Bad sleeping habits.. shoot.

“Seperti pujangga lama aku hanya mendengar desir angin memberitahu awan akan menjawabku dengan hujannya”
Pahlawan Putih

Paradise?

No there is no such thing on earth. Even if there is, its not immortal.

Heh. I dunchno waht im talking about. Nor why my blog is laced orange & pink.

Took me so long just to make that title photo. Meranaz. But i wanted to testing testing.. Now my eyes rabon like nobody's business.

Signing off to savour my Myojo Mee Soto Ayam

Syurga?
Pahlawan Putih

Annoyed enough....

that annoyed isnt enough to describe this glob of a feeling thats stuck in my throat right now.

Annoyed ah!

Kau yang kali jangan suruh aku buat. Kalau kau dah nak edit sesuka hati engkau, pergi lah buat sendiri. Yes this extents beyond professionalism but i have the right to be pissed, especially since i didnt want to be here in the first place. Especially since you're more of the meddlesome type and far from heplful. Maybe too helpful for your own good.
It could be psychological. Maybe since you have to many flaws you tend to try and correct other people's flaws till the nitty gritty details. Maybe cos your mom used to nag at you and now you're just running with the baton and passing on the misery.
Yes im flushed with madness and a tinge of anger. And i may even regret this when i cool down. But for now, your the most vile piece of unhealthy meat i will ever have to chew on. This bitterness oozing from your pores will never end.

When your past worries surfaces.......

For now its back to the drawing board. Back to the persada report.



MARKCOWz!!!!

Bodoh betul...
Pahlawan Putih

AHHHHHHHHH Malu nya!

MAHU BUDAYA MELAYU TERUS BERKEMBANG
Oleh
Siti Rufeah Abu
Penulis Sambilan

PANGGILLAH Irfan Kasban 'Mat Sastera' atau 'Mat Jiwang'. Itu memang naluri yang wujud dalam diri 'Cik Abang' yang kini mengikuti kursus Diploma Sains dan Khasiat Pemakanan di Politeknik Temasek itu.

Presiden Kumpulan Budaya Melayu (MAG) Politeknik Temasek itu memang amat meminati bidang kesusasteraan, penulisan, drama, muzik, dikir barat dan tarian Melayu.

'Beberapa tahun selepas terlibat aktif dalam kegiatan ini, saya menyertai kumpulan dikir barat Tumpat di Kelab Masyarakat Geylang Serai,' cerita pemuda berusia 18 tahun itu.

Irfan (gambar), juga menganggotai kumpulan tarian, Kesenian Si Anak Tari, yang di bawah naungan MAG.

'Penglibatan saya ini membuat saya lebih tahu tentang cabang kumpulan kesenian lain di bawah MAG. Saya dapat menimba pengalaman baru dalam seni dan budaya. Sekali gus, saya dapat merakam segalanya dalam bentuk foto yang memang saya gemari.

'Foto-foto saya bertemakan seni dan budaya Melayu. Budaya kita sememangnya indah secara keseluruhannya.

'Bahasa ibunda kita juga menarik terutama dengan adanya peribahasa dan kiasan indah yang disulam dalam bentuk penulisan dan perbualan seharian kita,' tambahnya.

Keupayaannya menghargai nilai bahasa Melayu itu sendiri terbukti apabila Irfan meraih hadiah Seni Kata Harapan menerusi seni kata yang dihasilkannya untuk peraduan Projek Reben Kuning.

Projek sokongan pemerintah itu bertujuan memberi bekas pesalah peluang kedua dalam melayari kehidupan.

Sebagai presiden MAG, Irfan bercadang merancakkan minat terhadap budaya Melayu di kalangan anggotanya.

'Sebagai langkah pertama, saya akan cuba menghidupkan semula Minggu Budaya Melayu Politeknik Temasek yang dulunya pernah menjadi acara tahunan di sini,' jelasnya, penuh semangat

Hahaha No!
She go and tell my group name and all ArgH! dah takda chan nak lari kiak3

meraih hadiah Seni Kata Harapan menerusi seni kata yang dihasilkannya untuk peraduan Projek Reben Kuning. Ada ke peraduan Projek Reben Kuning? hahah Ia sebenarnya bertajuk Projek Reben Kuning, bukan sebagaimana yang tercatit dalam article..

hahaha Kakak Ya was the one to msg me rite after my subuh. Then on i was trying to find a way to get hold of the berita harian. Kena tipu seh. Siti Rufeah, lebih dikenali sebagai Kak Ruf, telah mengatakan bahawa artikel ini akan dalam bentuk 'profiling' dan akan menginclude-kan President-president Kelab Budaya Melayu dari Politeknik yang lain. Ah hahaha. geli hati aku.


Anyway. Later i'll be going off to Bradell for a talk by Ms Anisa Mehdi titled "Presenting Islam to Others - Prospects & Challenges". Then it'd be another meeting for me at school. So much for avoiding school

Siapa-siapa yang berani panggil aku MAT SASTERA.. jaga...
Pahlawan Putih

Ramadhan Explorationz

Woohoo... My legs are killing me.

It started on friday, i went to Deepavali Baazar at Serangoon. (Few days before i realised that there were more than one baazar i could go to). So i took no. 23 and went on a journey hoping for good bargains. It was quite a dissapointment until i tripped over a couple of good deals. At tekka mall i found a nice Telok Belangah Set. Been wanting to get one to complete my melayu-wellbeingness. hah. Also i found a pair of good looking cheapo shoes. Mochasins - is that what you call them? Anw for 19.90, they looked good. But i didnt purchase them cos i m planing for a second trip in the near future. So basically the plan was to go scout around for purchasibles before buying them. But i did buy a striped blue long-sleeved asian collared shirt. In lament's terms, Short kurta. For $10, i didnt need to think much.

Then i headed to Bugis MRT station from there just to kill time. Very well spent Me-time. Had a lot to think about.


As for yesterday, Saturday, I had SNT training from 1-4. It was a challenge especially since the dance studio usually robs us of all available moisture. I remembered being very thirsty.
Gedebak gedebuk, i found myself in Geylang with Wawa, faz, yan and indah. Woohoo. Rounding rounding for breakfast, still dunno what to eat. Settled for aw-so-expensive dengdeng, roti john and two cups of bubble tea. So the only thing i bought form the bazaar was the dengdeng. Ceh..
We ate properly at the open space infront of Singapore Post Office. Sembang bersembang with Ili and Hani just joining. After awhile, got bored with eating, headed to the Bazaar again with Ili and Hani. Got for myself the 'Chills' ice blended drink. It wasnt great but there was something about that Strawberry Ice blended that made me want more. I got some pics -finally.


Just before maghrib


Fountain @ Singapore post office


Fountain @ Singapore post office


Keropok lekor


Otak-otak - before


Otak-otak - after


We got the 'Chills' - Ili, hani


Cut throat daylight robbery chupachups

Red plum + red tea, Milo ice blended, McD's Medium Coke, Strawberry Ice blended and Super Big Gulp. Im one thristy child.

Apapun, kedahagaan ini tetap berkekalan..

The End, for now.
Pahlawan Putih

Holiday

I sent a friend off to the airport today. Destination Thailand. Truthfully, im bloody jealous.
You know, going with a friend, bagpacking, new things to see, endless horizons waiting to be explored, beach, sea, food, take cool pics home etc. Wah lanz. I get so envious. My imagination runs wild with every visit to Luthien's blog. She just came back with Nepal. And woah.. the promise of great photography.

With new found responsiblities and such, i find myself suffocating. Maybe someday i will get to go here and there. Though i know, where ever my feet takes me, there will be no other place they would want to be other than in Tanah Haram. God i miss that place. When the calling comes, it comes..

Ouh.. Made plans for April.. Tioman will do i guess.

This (somehow) brings me to the question: What do i wanna do when i grow up.

Thinking back, i dont really remember having a dream occupation during my childhood. I guess back then, i already knew how cliche it was. Policeman, Fireman, Nurse, Doctor, Dentist, Lawyer, TEACHER (you get the gist) How would i know what i want to become when im learning penmanship and shit..

Now several of my dream occupation.

National Geographic Cameraman. Travel to africa and chase after cheetahs and such. Go deep in the Great barrier reef to witness the annual coral breeding rites.

Nutritionist specialising in pre-pregnancy and prenancy itself. I mean its somewhere im headed with this course..

Restaurant Owner/chef. hmm.. hahaha.. maybe someday.

For now i'll stick to being a Son, brother, uncle, student, president and an internationally recognised shy/quite person.

Bubbly = Brother in certain parts of Australia. Quite colourful huh?
Im back to being a TV junkie.. I prolly can recite lame lines to some adverts..
More birds more luck...

okay lah nak tido

will complain about other stuff soon. Like how i m still the solitary string that keeps it all together.

I love my bubbly
Pahlawan Putih

Aiye...dia bunyi lagie..

but first:
arni: so just HOW MUCH money did u bring to Geylang yesternite?

Good thing was that i didnt have to frown at somebody's back mumbling "why the hell is he taking so long" while in an ATM queue. Had roughly $14 ($22 before the 1st meeting) and i assured myself that having at least one 10 dollar note was enough.

Sad thing was that i didnt have enough time to walk around, at all. The first meeting, which was in school, ended at around 6pm. So there goes the walk-walk session. Now to try and make it in time for break fast. Well.. i took a bus and got stuck in slow traffic. Since it didnt go straight to Haig road i had to stop somewhere opposite the Restu restaurant at Eunos and try to hail for a cab. Kononnya korban duit untuk buka on time.
I couldnt get a cab till a busstop so i listened to Mr Thrifty Conscience and waited for a bus. Took 13 for 2 busstops and found myself running around to get good cheap food on the double. the usual mamak stall was striked out due to the queue and so went over to banquet. KFC-just beside banquet, was damn packed lah. Anw...settled for $3 Nasi ayam then found myself queueing for a drink. IT WAS FREAKIN' TORTURING LAH~!
Then i felt like smashing my head on the slow-service mak cik that looked like a wannabe Golden Chance display set, cos i remembered i could get cheaper canned drinks at the CC itself. So i walked. Half way i sat down to properly break fast. After a few bites this cat came by. (FYI haig road infamous for stray cats). Then CC. Then TAKLIMAT.

Keluarga Mendendangkan Koleksi Lagu-lagu Raya. KMKLR hahahaha
The guys from cairnhill were the most lepak-est. looking forward to their performance.

Damn-ed tir-ed i decid-ed miss out on lepaking at the dance studio.

Im sick of Geylang already. hahah an i barely went to the bazaar. Basically walked by TKC and like whoa.. Is there an equinox? where did all this malays come from? I picture geylang bazaar as one of the the biggest most unglamorous disorganised public fashion runways. I always imagine that these people stand infront of the mirror posing and changin outfits the whole day till ard 6 where they leave for geylang to choppe a seat before break fast. hah

my only motivation to go there would be cos shidah was telling me of a dikir shop somewhere in the bazaar. Quote "Siap dengan payung besar"...


Anw back to the title of this post.. dia bunyi lagi...
Described as the Rusudsipamaberyi Syndrome. (Short for Rumah sudah siap,pahat masih berbunyi syndrome)

By tak perlu tahu from Bombay
khas kepada kumpulan tumpat,

well done all of u at citra dk..tetapi pada pandangan saya di pertandingan citra or planet dk, all of u are still mentah about dikir barat..u are not good enough..for me at citra u guyz tak leh get 2nd placing..n ur paluan still have no basic..byk kumpulan ikut cara ulan identity..but u guyz memang takde identity sendiri..still ikut2 kumpulan2 lain..maafkan saya kalau terkasar bahasa,ni utk memberi nasihat.. dan try to get ur own identity..slamat berpuasa...

1) I know someone who's in the business for more than 5 years and he still describes himself as mentah. Well we are mentah. and we dont deny it. We dont even have a parent group to guide us for goodnessness. so no problem with that. Thanks for stating the obvious

2) hahah. Tak leh get 2nd placing. - i really dont understand. I have never thought that there is sucha thing as deserve or dont deserve to win. Its all about rezeki. For example, theres a group that is bad, takda semangat and all. But this group wins 1st because all the other groups are worst. This group might not have basic dikir barat or what ever, but since they're better then the rest.. they still win. Its all in the hands of the Almighty.

3) I dont know paluan aspect well but im not the judge here. And so arent you. So why go all the trouble saying this when everything is muktamad-ed.

4) Telinga dah jenuh dengan kekata "Takda identity". Our identity is ala kelantan what. Megat nordin, saleh jambu, allahyarham ipin ana semua idola kita. Just because we're asli and we wear ala kelantan $15 baju doesnt mean we're trying to copy Ulan, a well respected asli group. Ulan, adalah ulan. Tumpat, adalah Tumpat. Lain. Other than sharing 2 vowels (u & a) and concept, we're two different groups with differences in alot of aspect.

5) Dah dimaafkan pun.. Selamat Berpuasa to you too...dan Maaf zahir dan batin in advance.

hmm... im starting to be long winded again.. kekek
Pahlawan Putih

So far so good

eh.. blogger's back to normal.


Ramadhan's good to me. heh.. cept i hate it that i dont have anything to do. I mean on the first day of Ramadhan, i cleaned up my room already. Oh btw, where's the spider that makes cobwebs. Why arent they at their cobwebs? hah
So thats two-quarters done with the room. Left with: one quarter - closet, the other - paint the wall.
Yesterday dah pergi IKEA. Kiasu habis. Raya coming sooner that expected. hehe. Making my first trip to geylang, since the baazar started, today. woohoo..
Btw do you know there's a Banquet at Lion City Hotel? (Another place to go before practice. kekeke)

Ouh and yesterday Ardi masuk NS. kuang to the power of 3.
"Pd bro, sis, kwn2, kakak dianyalaki n yg sewaktu dgn nya, slmt menjalani ibadah puasa... JGN TK PUASA LAK!! i hv 2 go coz semboyan da bunyi..Lau apa2 msg me.. Enjoy!!" -ardi
hahahah menjalani ape...
dah gila agaknya...

okaylah.. nak mandi and get myself ready for the meeting(s) later.

...How much $ to bring to geylang ah?
Pahlawan Putih

Eee belom mandi

hah well.. been doing admin stuff for this.


To think most of the kad jemputans are still not out yet.
Haiyah.. bak lepas dari mulut harimau ke mulut buaya
- or smth like that..haha
SE-TE-resss.

And i'm not yet even done with Persada. Report etc.
Meeting on Saturday. Taklimat on Saturday. Weeee

on monday, the day before my 1st ever supp paper, the JGN LMBT bunch ajaked me to have late lunch at pizza hut. In the end pergi jugak...



Well then the next day i had my supp paper. Semangat bangun kul 6. The paper was at 9.30 though. Left home by 7.30. reached school 7.50. Realised i forgot to bring the slip of paper i wrote down the class i was supposed to go to. So i studied outside the library. - It was some intense revision. When it was time for the library to be open, 8.30, i found out that the computers were all under servicing. Frustrated i went to the Applied Science lab. It was closed. More frustrated, i began cursing to myself then i thought OSC! So eventually i got my class location. KAU...

The paper was difficult as expected. Hopefully i'll pass. Then i went to the interchange and walk walk with Fitri from PST. Terserempak dalam bas dan dek dalam sama class room untuk supp paper nyer pasal. So jalan jalan. Then thought of eating but i told him i was practicing for the next day which is today. In the end balik, makan.. hahaha.
Then i went to cut my hair. (Aida & izie: Hahah i beat you guys to your nagging..)First time went to salon. Somewhere at CS.
It has become a tradition for stylist/barbers/10min-butchers to complain of my thick hair before the start of the hair removal process. Yelah aku tau, rambut semacamnya tebal. Dek keturunan jawa dan india.
But it was an interesting experience... though over-priced. 19.90 for wash cut blow - if you know what i mean.. he-he. (Astaghfirullah.. ingat bulan ramadhan..) My hair now short. Impian nak rambut macam hang tuah sudah pun lesap.
hah well


Yesterday Night was the start of Ramadhan. So glad ramadhan is here. But that also mean Hari Raya kan jelang tiba.
I couldnt sleep last night. I thought it was the excitement from Ramadhan. But i was wrong.. See, there was this tune stuck to my head. All thanks to Ardi(karut).

I closed my eyes. then..
"LARI LARI LARI LARI LARI atas tanah belum tentu rata"

Tried again. then..
"LARI LARI LARI LARI LARI atas tanah belum tentu rata"

and so on..
well its a fun song.. haha

Okay.. gtg before mom goes bazooka baloonas bogus BALLISTIC (finally got the word)

Mustahil! Very the Suatu..eh Very the suatu
Pahlawan Putih

Finally

I got my hands on Layar Citra VCD. But i forgot to pay for it. haha So mr shariff, sir, consider it as pinjam je lah. - Will pass it back to you. heh

Kau. How did i not feel the ikat kepala all tha way up my head? cam siarkz. all those ragams i forgot. haiyah.. As for the last segment, it seemed like i won paluan terbaik. haha.. aku disergah rindu..

ingin ke saat itu
ingin ke saat lalu
ingin kembali situ

Random thoughts on citra..

Merak merah - the juara's voice and the song concept was interesting.. very sunda ala Detty Kurnia.
Wayan - frontline was there. probably the cause of their win.
Balqis - is it just me or does the karut seem very annoying?
SAS - noticed their pemain maracass.... wow.. very impressed. Maracass is usually shun to the more kaku-tak-boleh-beragam-betul pple. But whoa.. what an asset
MKY - "kurang (h)ajar" of the audience.. just look at elfin while rajis was singing.. like those comments were neccessary.
Rabok sejejo - hujung hujung..
Tumpat - if you listen intently you would hear our back-up (memekak) singer. Somebody just had to bring an infant below the age of 2... Wasted for indrah - lain kali mic dekat2 sikit.. hah

Word of the competition (most used): SEMBANG.. hahah

More on dk...

never would i have imagine that someone would have to apologise for a win.. and its not even 1st place..

I felt MKY was gonna take it home but i guess i was 6.5 marks wrong. well...haha

"Asyik masyuk acu mengacu, seliuh bahu senggol siku"

Summore on dk...
Recently i met an aquaintance (B)-friend of a friend. A introduced B to me as a pengiat seni dk too. I gave a quick grin. Then the next question from B was as anticipated
"From/under which group?"..
"Panjy Sry Temasek, Temasek poly" - on first thought. also trying to be humble
"Ouh,(gives i-m-better-than-you face)aku dari ____________, considered lebih tinggi dari kaulah *laughs"
Dalam hati: "Hmm.. yelah tu."

Kalau orang atas tau, confirm kena cepuk, sepak, teranjang, buang dari kumpulan.. Hai.. budak zaman sekarang..(me included).
Angkuhnya..ulat nak jadi naga

Quite sometime since i took pics..


"To Our Dearest


Irfan, this post is especially meant for you.
I'll emo the hell out of you.

For the guy who sits next to me,
He makes me laugh magically.
In all bouts of insanity,
a good friend he is to me.

Aside from dwelling too much on how you faired during the semestral examinations, and from how your mother mengamuk that you failed NLS. You know you can make it if you just do your best lar. For that I'm sure.
Its basically about bottling and shelving all your regrets. Getting back to your senses. Trying again. And laughing at how you used to be.

Okay?

I'll still see you around school."

Hahah.. I love you jas. haha. Will do my best yeah and thanks for the poem.

Only problem is that i dont know when exactly the supp paper is. she told us tuesday. but it hasnt come out from the system yet.

luas melintas, luas melintas
Pahlwan Putih

DALAM SAAT ITU

Sudah pun termaktub dari dulu
“Sessungguhnya manusia benar-benar berada dalam kerugian…”
sudah pun diberi amaran seribu
tingkah laku biarlah berpatutan


Dalam saat itu
hati kan menggelodak
mungkin pun merusuh
kerana ratunya catur digerak, diletak

Manalah tahu?
Dalam saat itu
Yang tak diundang bertamu
Yang tak dijangka bertemu


Dalam nafas itu
jantung ku meranjang
sedang ku masih keliru
buat nafas itu memanjang

Kanan, kiri, ku melangkah
jauh di hadapan baru ku sedar
kesyukuran padaNya melimpah
dan tak usah lagi digelar


Dalam kelip mata itu
fikiran menjadi pilu
dek bertapak di takhta baru
“Apakah ini tanggungjawab ku?”

ketawa mula berselang silu
lidah bertambah kelu
akibat otak yang dibelenggu
akibat titah yang dipangku


Dalam renungan itu
dua insan bertafsiran mata
ketika rindu tersengkang di kalbu
malangnya kisah berakhir begitu saja

Apalah nasib engkau dan aku
cinta menipu
kita ditipu
engkau memalu


Dalam tepisan itu
anak yang menderhaka
ibu pula ditikam lesu
sewajarnya kesalahan siapa?

Air mata buaya
darah segumpal
perit kononnya kau merasa
walhal, walhal...


Dalam jelingan itu
aku menjadi seteru
disebarkan dalam bisikanmu
“Dialah yang jahat! durjana! asyik menipu!”

Bagai gelegar buluh
kau menonjolkan dengan angkuh
kian seperti senapang bambu
aku tinggalkan tanpa pengaruh


Dalam mimpi itu
kau lesap dari dunia fana ku
sungguhlah indah keadaan begitu
bila cabaran tiada, walaupun satu

Benci tak cukup seimbang dengan perasaanku
membara dalam inti, menanti, menunggu waktu
laharnya akan mengancam makna kewujudan mu
kabusnya akan menyesak setiap lanjutan mu!

Dalam saat lalu
aku mengimbas laju
Aku kah aku?
Atau aku ditipu aku?

Inilah rintihanku
Pahlawan Putih

Change of song

Always tryna be different, always the excentric one. So i changed blog song.
Dah hint hint pun masih takda terima kasih.. lain kali kena copyright.
hahahah
Whoever who wishes to use/take this song would permission is required first.

i also added a want list to remind me what im saving my money for. I'll add in drving license when im 18. I wanna get a scooter so everytime i want to run away, i can just ride away. to tanjong balau perhaps.

Tumpat, kumpulan terselekeh...

"Irfan, stop it with the muka cheena eh" - never look good in dk pics.. haha


I need a bitch beach

too many of the former already
Pahlawan Putih

Woohoo (I think)

Persada's done and over with. Brought home a sprained swollen ankle, multiple wounds on my fingers and toes, a broken sense of belonging and a shard of unfinished business.

Highlight for me would be the belated mid-autumn festival we had at the long jump mattress. The sky is really just so beautiful that it is usually a subject in most literature pieces.



Another highlight was the 30mins i spent under the warm running shower (which spontaneously massaged every inch of my aching body). I'm gonna do it again soon. - heh pergi sekolah setakat mandi air panas. inilah nasib seorang yang rumah tidak berheater

Im finished with the DIKIR SHOIK! BERAYA!!! invitation cards.. Hope the event goes out well. Hope i dont have to do much.. I wanted to do so much for this vacation period but now i already am. Only problem is these things are not for myself. I still wanna just chill at Tanjung Balau, Desaru. enjoy the waves and all..

Mother mengamuk that i failed one subject. She keeps linking it with the presidency - dah takdir Allah yang maha berkuasa. Apo yang boleh hambo buat?

Today i went for my revision. It was fun. I got to know i passed the main exam but my performance throughout the whole semester caused me the fall/fail. Guys, please pray for my success. Amin

Dalam perselisihan
masih terdapat insan-insan yang berjabat tangan,
yang berbalas senyuman,
yang sama-sama merindukan masa depan.
Ahai senang sungguh bila dapat berteman,
Rakan jadi kawan,
Kawan jadi rakan,
Kongsi pengalaman,
Berjalan-jalan,
menceritakan percintaan,
menghidupkan perbualan,
Sama-samaan,
Hingga akhir zaman...

i like the number 3. Now i know why.... hahaha

Why did He give me so much when in actual fact i cant even return a speck...
Why am i such a/have a big, bum.

Siapa/mana dia gadis watak utama?
Pahlawan Putih

im tired. why cant you see that?

Agar tidak guris lagi hati yang lemah. di belakang kulit nan keras batu, isinya lemah dan senang memalu. ahai saudara seperjuangan... bila rima dan ritma lari, riwayat ini masih kah lagi?
Melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya. melilit dahulu kemudian memanjat. kalau nak menurut biar berakal. kalau nak mengikut biar pintar, belum duduk sudah melunjur....
Hijaunya dikau terpampang dalam bicara, apa salah bersopan dalam tengkara?
Macam tin kosong....

To think of it it was only 2 lines... mukin pedasnya terasa pada yang seterusnya. Walhal bicara ditujukan kepada yang lain.

Salam maaf. jika masih kedahagaan darah, mungkin darahlah juga racunnya...

Lumatnya daging mentah
Pahlawan putih

AF

Fook it, fullertonic. I got an F for NLS as expected. wah lanz. I zunno what to zo anymorez. So much for aiming for no supp paper.

Is already friday and im still seperti katak di simbah air. A lot of things to do. Ai-yoooo.

Lets talk about planet dikir. Like its not already been talked about so much. heh, maybe that would take my mind of some things.

Minta izin, tumpang popularity sekejap...

Juara's that managed to impart that tingle down the spine
STT - her control was very good. Managed to execute all the right lengoks. though there was not much of a climax, she was good.
MKY - clarity, penghayatan almost there, lengok macam air...smooth ajer...
SDP - favourite of the bunch(just look at blog song). trademark lengok just rock my socks (listen 0:53). penghayatan was there. lyrics kat lengan. haha

Karut pulak
STT - "GU!nung ku daki" "RRrrrebah" "..dalam ingatan, hati terpaut" hahah she was really funny indirectly. (Conscience saying "tak baik ketawakan orang")
KP - Most melodious of the bunch. But i never exactly understood what makes a good karut. To me he's good. a wonder why tak dicalon...
DD - Ah mari, kita bunuh, harus bunuh, kena bunuh, yok kita bunuh! hahahah kecioh sarkis. favourite of the bunch. "masyarakat bangsa, masyarakat bangsa"

To think dikir is a very complicated thing. choreography, melody, j, k, percussions etc etc.. so many things that can cock up. so many things that can affect marks.

This is just in..

adigun n bob: asal nak kena bebual pasal aswa??!!bebual pasal anak seni tak nak!!kalau berani jumpa kita org...tak mau bebual bnyk...

Come on lah.. we are old enough to know everone has a right to our own opinion. Setiap insan ada hak berpendapat. Itu lah pendapatku. Kata-kata engkau memang kasar, bayangan sifatmu. Lebih berani kalau aku menghindari jemputanmu untuk bertemu/tengkar. Ampunkanlah hamba yang tak kenal terus kamu (berdua?). dan kan ku kabulkan permintaan itu

Anak seni - A very interesting thai set. Eye opener was the last chorus where they actually sang in Thai. At first their "costume" was interesting. Awok-awok wore those long golden nails used in thai dance. dont only women use that? But after awhile you realise that the story is about Nang Nak. was it a happy story? confetti? the bunga melur and jossticks suited the set more. the thai concept was the highlight.

Alun: skrang ni aku ketua aswa,aku tak hapi dgn ape kau ckp pasal grp aku...kalau kau tak puas hati kau blh call aku kat ni no.90614201

Kekata hanya kekata, pendapat hanya pendapat. Jika tidak sudi, paling muka ke arah yang lain...

Siapa yang tidak puas hati,
siapa yang mengajurkan peperangan?

yang berani tidaklah yang benar
yang benar tidak mungkin berani

yang tidak berani
Pahlawan Putih
(ada masalah dengan itu?)

Selfish

You have always been that selfish bastard you call people (including me). Too blinded by your needs that you forget to take a look in the mirror. Thinking back, maybe you look in the mirror too much. for the wrong reason.

Aku dah macam orang suruhan. the list of things i have to do is much more than i can handle but i guess its what i gotta do (and what i agreed to). I can't start complaining now. To many already complaining. Thats all that they do i guess.

"Sob... sob.. I have been doing so much already...sob sob.."

ALa-la-la kesiannya engkau.

I hope Persada goes well.


for now, Cinta Monotoni is on the repeat mode.
What a sad song.
surge of adrenaline everytime.

and it makes me think. When's my Cinta coming?
I see few prospective Cinta's but i wonder...
*moths in my intestines.

Siapa dia gadis watak utama?
Pahlawan Putih

Kiss Miss Paratha

You can only get it at Srisun Paratha Restaurant near Tamp west CC. Delicious teh peng for a hefty 1.20. Partially/under- cooked Thosai Masala. But the company was great. Had alot of great laughs. Played games. Terror arh Izyan. Cari tadpoles lah. I'm glad i decided to join you guys at starbucks after ICN. Lepak lah.

Kadang-kala hansome tapi sentiasa bongok
Pahlawan Putih

Cooled down

Thanks to the lovely weather and listening back to some of the planet dikir songs. Thinking back, most of the 'established' groups were really good. Durba was good. So was Makyong, Neng and Kelana. It was very hard to guess the winners. Luckily there was no one group that bolot-ed each and every one of the individual prizes. And there was a sudden surge of good Karuts. Durba's, Maman, didi, Ifin and Mr Shariff.

Listening back brewed a whole urnful of emotions. If you listened intently, the songs for SDP9095 were quite depressing. Like the lengoks and all were very 'mengundurkan diri' sounding. Especially the wau bulan.
With the old timers leaving the scene, i guess i got worried with all this play-afool groups coming out. Imagine what would happen in 10 years time....

Funny part: "Betul tak Kak Ju? Betul tak Ayu? Betul tak Zaidy? Betul tak...(pauses) Kamal?"

CINTA…
dia rangka tunjang tema
awal tajuk akhir rima
irama sudah ritma pun sudah
ungkalnya yang tak sudah-sudah
karmanya tak gundah, gundah
siapa dia gadis watak utama
tak jera kais kalimah
CINTA…

Bunuh tu Bunuh, Bunuh Si Kutu, Kutu Kat Mana? Kutu di Kepala

hahahahahahahaha
Pahlawn Putih

Thoroughly upset...

What the hell were we thinking.
But more importantly what the hell were they thinking.

Being without a "parent group / kumpulan bimbingan" doesnt give us the right to have performed that way. And whatever it is, i think participating in a competition just to acknowledge the going off of two members for National Service is lame. Why doesnt he use his brains instead of his mouth?
And why have a reporting time if all of us are not gonna be there 1 hour after reporting time let alone on the reporting time. I hate being the only string that keeps it all attached.
I wanna just walk away but i dont think there's a street where i can freely express the contents of my heart in poetry. There's no street where i'll be walking with my 'family' members.

And im upset as Dikir was made a mockery. Groups thinking they can be overnight Kelana Purbas. Doesnt voice quality come first, before ragam? Isnt clapping loudly/compactly more important that anticipation of the next ragam? Why wasnt the song the highlight of each performance? Is ragam really that important?

(At this point i might get into trouble but heck, its my blog.)
Some pengasas also seem to not be using their brains. If that group is not ready, then back out from the competition. If you gonna argue about providing exposure, well then it seems like your exposing them into the line of mockery. Oh and continue to have "fancyful ragams" that no one in the team can execute or even comprehend. Memang sudah takdir lebih layak mereka jadi Nelayan.
Jangan setakat memenuhi syarat!

And as always, being the one who trys to lip read each word the juara or karut sings, i notice that a monotonous pattern of"kupasan" of the theme is occuring. (Including ours by wak cantuk.[Im full of regrets]) Some i cant even tell what they are talking about, since making out what they are softly singing is already a hard job. I was really hoping for SDP's naskah to get the award since more or less i've went through with the 'one and only' his process of actually finding a topic for the set. It was interesting, an eye-opener, a learning experience.

Overall, Planet Dikir didnt end off with a bang. So much for a finale.
The only highlight was the Twiggies i got from Kamar barber. The host nana just finished introducing the judges and so i clapped with the other (cukupkan syarat) non-ikhlas clappers. Then he turned and said "Tepuk nya pasal" then he gave the chocolatey packet to me.
Well i'm to 'this generation' to have actually seen the legend perform but i have heard remarkable stories. Maybe the twiggies i ate had some kind of sakti that would be passed on to me. hahaha to cure my inability to play percussion. Maybe i should have took twiggies from the other 3 judges too..
From Zaidy for wider malay vocabulary and poeticness.
From Kak Ju for karutless/proper karut skills
From Ayu for the ability to seem bored at most of the performance. heh well..

Upset and unconsolable
Pahlawan Putih

Si Purnama menjelma..

Dan bersandinglah enam insan berperisaikan shopping list dan bersenjatakan wang tunai $250.


Stuff for persada bought waaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead
Pahlawan Putih

Boring sark

Whats up sark with barbeques sark. I mean come on sark everytime its holidays, theres bound to be at least one barbeque sark. Bukannya apa sark but i dont really see the point of a barbeque sark. You come and pay money sark then what do you get? Uncooked chicken wings sark, bloody smokey smell on every inch of your body part sark, a step closer to cancer sark. Lebih baik organise a kenduri sark. Dapat doa selamat sark, kan lebih afdal sark. Tapi takpa sark, as long as dapat jumpa kawan lama sark. hahahah sark merepek sark irfan

Anyway, hahah its true sark ape. i already got 3 invites. Wow wee.

Time check: Planet dikir in 3 days
Persada in 9 days.

Planet dikir set, only went for 2 training so far. Missing tonight for Persada.

Persada games not yet confirmed. Alot on the waiting list.

Haiyah complicated sark
Pahlawan Putih sark

We may have hit something here...

kooniee: hows e talk?

The talk was absolutey fabulously terrificco. And im not just talking about the light snacks and refreshments itself (hehe).
We were treated like Medical Professionals, seated in 2 ballrooms with the one and only Profesor David JP. Barker! The talk was about Cardiovascular diseases and its relation to low birth weight. It was very insightful that i had to take notes (now i just cant find 'em).
Prof was saying that nutrition is important even before conception as during conception, a change in a healthier diet will not affect much of the foetus's development. It is known that foetuses that do not get sufficient nutrients for development tend to use it more for their brain development as it is the most important organ. Thus the other organs in the body are neglected and so would be poorly formed like for example poorly formed cardiovascular arteries. In the later life, even though the grown man/women is healthy, he would still bear poorly formed arteries and so he/she is more susceptible to cardiovascular diseases.
Ta da!

And when i say i may have hit something, i m talking about this new found interest in pre-pregnancy, pregnancy and infancy nutrition. I think this would be what im most interested in the moment. Watching Child of our time might have also affected my interest.
Woo hoo.. now i know what i wanna do


anonymous: can u please please change back the song to cinta duyung nelayannnnn. i wanna hear it manzzz.

jajabinx: New to Dikir here. Never heard a better song than that Ikan Duyung song. Looove it! Who's the composer???

Unfortunately i took of the song because i wanna take the opportunity to support the dikir scene by encouraging the purchase of CDs like Dikir Temasek I & II. heh. Anyways it doesnt blend in with the new layout. kekek
Anyway i think its time they released another dikir temasek like CD. Many songs played in competitions, from various groups, that are worth immortalising.

Cinta Duyung Nelayan is a song many recognise as their favourite song as soon as they start researching more on dikir prior to a budding interest. Well you've got to admit, nice catchy jawa-ish melody, great vocals by Yan (according to Mr Kelkatu. Even i dont know who he/she is) and an interesting storyline to it that lets the imagination soar.
Who's the composer?
check it out at the back of the Dikir Temasek CD case. hahaha

i have 6 tickets ($12each)left for Planet Dikir the Finale. Any takers?

chao chin chao
Pahlawan Putih

Pictorially speaking

Updates on a few stuff that have been happening...

For the Kakak Leen's wedding, was incharge for the design of these domes.


Trying to get artistic shots...



Bengkel penulisan skript e_remaja. Heheh.. Cedebah..


Muda nya aku.


Alamak. Si P*****n W****a T*****k



Cik Norli dropped by. So ilhan was here


He has this weird dance move that involves vigorous shaking...


and a cramped up face



The pose was supposed to be "tryna answer the phone" but i guess jas went deeper.


Sheraton Towers was posh.. and so we had to change to fit in.


Three of us listening to Professor JP Barker


Enjoy.

Going arab-ish again
Pahlawan Putih

Still under construction.. If only i didnt sign up for that talk...
Cardiovascular dieseases and such.. Gotta go.

Woohoo~

Last paper up and done with.
Macam nak terbang...

"Ba-a-gai tiupan se-ru-li-i-ing memecah sunyi pa-a-gi...
LANTAS ko-o-o-kok ayam desing Di-i-i-i hujung reban, di hujung reban..."

Cannot take the vocals beb. Macam mengaji.
Sudah pun ku mempernempahkan satu set VCD Layar Citra 2005. Ini dia saat yang ku menanti-nanti. Saat aku dapat lihat bertapanya memalukan peristiwa ikat kepala ku...

Planet DK nanti insyaallah pakai scotch tape.
Well i listened back to our set during DKulan finals. A sense of belonging seeped in for a while.
I realised that i was already such a let down for not writing lyrics and i shant make it worst by missing out the action. Selfish of me yea?
21 teams... i cant wait.

Planned to go Tanjung Balau, Desaru, again tomorrow but parents complaining that there might be a jam to and fro. So im stucked in sg..
So i sat thinking what i could do to get peace and quiet..
"Pulau Ubin!" hahahah then laughed.. betul ke ni?
But it would be pretty dangerous to go alone although itd be much fun exploring and taking pictures. Haiyah.. how?

Anyone up for Chek Jawa?
Pahlawan Putih

What a short week...

Yet when i recall the events in that weeks, it seems so gruelingly long.

Monday
Started the day off with a really annoying open book FPQA test.
Then after it was sleeping, eating and tv time. Since i could only retain info when i study from 8 to late, i did just that.

Tuesday
Catering Tech test was much easier, on the account that i studied. After that, i was struck with a case of temporary liberation. So i didnt study at all. Increased TV time. Got to watch the Must See Tuesday programmes.

Frankly, singaporean channels (*trying to find the right word...) sucks (with the exception of arts central). Lets begin according to chronological order.

Heartlanders. With such a thick chinese accent, its very apparent that the lines for mr wushuman was scripted. Policemen like mr limp-cactus-hair in real life would go something like "We go catch that thug lor. Quick, faster!" And stop it with the drama like its so drama.
Nak tembak pun kena buka wayang cina kejap. Apa jer. kata orang dulu-dulu, Jangan macam paham lah...

Shooting Stars
Just stop it. Cut it off from being aired. Its another bonesless of a storyline story. What is the freaking point? A follow-up to SG idol which was gruesome enough already? Here we see the same thing. Mr ingat dia handsome nak mampus tapi english karats nak mampos. A total embarassment to singaporean viewers for the media to think we would watch a programme based on the beautiful scenes and the 'beautiful cast' overlooking whatever form of storyline or substance. They're acting as good as they are singing/croaking (whichever applicable)

Full circle
Now thats an exciting programme. Actors who are good at acting. Maybe cos they are actors? This programme saved the 'Must See Tueday'. They were very good at bringing the audience to the past where kebayas were in(or are they still in?)

Wednesday
Went back to my Secondary school for teachers' day. I met my form teacher for less than 30 sec hor. Cos on my mind was the delicious tahu goreng from one of the mak cik's stall. Her husband, a.k.a. pak cik, makes the best tahu goreng these lips were fated to kiss. ah...

Then i headed to Tampines West CC for the script writing workshop final sesion rehearsal. it went alright.

Thursday
Nothing much happened. Only that i didnt go for a class but still had to go to school.

Watched Child of Our Time on Arts central. Very the good. Now i know why im shy. My mom has always said that when i was a baby, i used to cry when someone else carried me. haha

Friday
Planned to study all the way at bishan. I had to go the exta mile kilometers to copy notes.
The freaking annoying thing is we were asked to leave as it was raining and they need the seats for customers. For the love of disgustingly bitter coffee bean caramel frappacino, we had a cheesecake, two frappacinos and a latte. Arent we customers? F that bitch. When i have the time i will so complain. We were forced to finish our drinks in a hurry lah. Cb ah Cb. From now on i'll just stick with starbucks.

So walked ard for a while until... I RECEIVED A CALL....
"Hello?"
"Ko kat mana? Gi Shopping-shopping? Pakai Baju Merah kan?"
"Urh.. macam mana ko ta-u?"
It was then when i realised i was being watched. AH!!! hhaa It was indrah lah. Off day at bishan with his pasangan going to watch a movie.
For a whole good 10mins he had me fighten orh.. then i caught him sneaking outside popular bookstore. hahah kecoh..

Then i headed to Singapore post centre to continue with my studies. (hahaha that sounded like Singapore Post Centre is an educational institution.) Why there? later at night i had to make my way to haig road anyways(for training) so why not... sambil menyelam, kill two birds. hahah
Went to barang barang first for a quick walk of inspiration. The good thing about these kinds of furniture store, they look so comfortable and cosy that you just wanna sleep on one of their overly priced asian inspired sofas.

Training was nonsense. I m not writing lyrics for planet dikir even though now i feel like it. Have the idea all but no time to write. And besides, ardi wrote them already... A tad too simple even for me. Meeting him next thursday to talk about it. And its weird cos he has been the one commenting on my naskahs. Songsang.

Saturday
a.k.a. yesterday. We had our pementasan for the sricpt writing workshop. It was bad enough we were featured on Berita Harian on friday. (One more small step to fame. hahah. and yes im still 17) There was unnecessary pressure built up orh. But i think things went well for me. Our other group was awarded best script and they had a best actress in their group, Zah. Kenchang seh Zah. I knew it from the start lah.. Cos when she acts, she really focuses on the character. and their script was almost flawless that it was the centre of my envy.

Went home to a soothingly hot packet of kway teow goreng from bedok corner. Ah.. kwey teow...

All i hope for is that pak buang that is a cross of kelantanese and terenganuese (hahah) doesnt come back to life.

and todays sunday and tomorrow's monday, first day of exam.

Woo hoo
Pahlawan Putih

Ahai Kembang Kiambang...

...merah jambu
terapung-apung di atas Tasik Chini
kelopakmu ibarat papan gelungsur si pari-pari
akarmu menghurai bak mayang sari tempat ikan bermain sembunyi-sembunyi
disitu segumpal hati, bersenandung sayu bernyanyi-nyanyi.

Ahai Tuhan yang ku sanjungi
kenapakah malangku bergini
kalau akal dan hati tidak serasi
bagaimana pula dengan jati diri

Ahai apa perlu di ungkit ungkit kembali
kisah lama yang sudahku sembunyi
walau perit di hati, tetapku membuta tuli
moga-moga hidup tak bertambah sepi

Ahai sang basikal biru bahari
mengapa kau menghilangkan diri
sehari ku risau menanti
mengenang masa engkau berbakti

Ahai keluargaku di Geylang Serai CC
maafkanlah ku yang ingin berdikari
'Jangan kau hanyut', pesanan naluri
'Kerana, ataupun bukan kerana seni'

Ahai hati yang berbelah bagi
kononnya enggan berdiam ubi lagi
kucar kacir yang engkau beri
mungkin benar engkau batu api

Ahai cinta kita yang dilarang ini
kembalilah engkau dilubuk sanubari
Jangan kau mengalir dalam nadi
Biar engkau dan aku berbisu, disemadi

Ahai Cinta yang dinanti-nanti
beribu cita-cita, mimpi mimpi
mati terkorban akibat digari
agar tidak menerawang, menari-nari

Ahai Tuhan yang ku kasihi
Hilangkanlah semua kesan dengki
dan semuanya yang engkau mungkari
Agar ku tidak lelah dek berkelahi

Ahai Pahlawan Putih
kenapa engkau tidak berani
putih warnamu bila peluang menanti
penuh sesalan pula bila ia pergi

I feel like a cup of teh and 2 roti prata telur @ As-Salihin.
So bloody depressed. And it seems talking to people only makes it worst.

Ingin sanda berada di pangkuanmu
Pahlawan Putih

Ahai, bertapanya indah...





Moga hingga ke akhir zaman.
Pahlawan Putih

i have given up.

from this point on, i shall work to at least a pass so i dont have to relive torturing lectures and tutorial.

I have never believed in divorces. Which is more or less quiting.
Till the 12 of september.

Abhorance, here you come.

Learn to shut up
Pahlawan Putih

Updated!



For the benefit of all, "Open to All!" refers to all tp students. If you wanna go for this event then unfortunately you'll have to be a tp student. So somehow you'll to enrol in TP before the 24/25th september. heh... macam ada orang luar nak gi...

will update more soon. including links
Pahlawan Putih

Persada

Hope everything goes well for this event. Considering my exams may already have no hope.

The guys are already pressurizing me... Cinta sgt kot dengan penulis dorang? hahaha im gonna die.

What's the meaning of If to you?
Pahlawan Putih

FOR THE LOVE OF CRUNCHY PAPPADOMS!

Stop annoying me already.

Practical 8 is the last practical for Catering Technology. I one i had to roll pretzels for? The one where the following pics explain? The one that people thought aku gi ambik lesen moto. Padahal padahal. Kalo tengok di side bar, you would know im not even 18 yet. Nangz boti nangz...

ALAKAZAMZ, baikkanlah tagboard aku!

Quotes of the month.

"Its quite shocking and heart-wrenching how ruthless some people are behind their demure look."

"Some people are so egoistic and with just a little achievement and recognition they forget their roots and become so proud"

"Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua."


Hahahah... I knew it was coming. Well, if your talking about me, can i ask, What roots are you talking about and what do you mean by proud? Wasnt i already like this before that? How would you know?
All the best in your life. May you realise one day that your actions have consequences and that the peribahasa is used in the wrong context. Maybe one day your sarcasm will improve too. Amin

I just realised i analyse people alot. And the more i get to know someone, the more i tend to detest them. Maybe i should learn how to focus on the good.

I dont have time for this - Lies and despicable actions.

Aku memang Durjana
Bukankah kita semua?
Pahlawan Putih

I give up!

(..momentarily only)

Supposed to be in school doing a test on nutrition in Adulthood but i thought, what the heck. Going to fail NLS anyways(supp paper here i cometh). And its about to rain anyways, and my eyelids feel heavy again uuuuuh. I'll take this 'free' time to blog.

Sunday
Was an interesting day. Tumpat had our first mass outing together. Itu pun pasal chance. Started off with a Show at Tampines Mall's open stage at the roof at 9am in the morning. It was so hard to wake my self up. But eventually did. The event was some Geylang Serai Youth Group Biennial General Meeting. Yang terhidang, Polar Puff's puffs - Apple, curry, chicken etc. Abeh tu kelakarnya main 4-4. Tak cukup orang. Tapi kena complain dengan abg ambik gambar yang kita kuat sgt. hahaha bedeknya. Then with the package, we were each given tickets to private screening of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and $3 voucher for a combo. First time 18 members watch movie together-geder. After that dapat naik Moto! haha. From Tam-pines to Arab street. Peri cari kain. Sebelum tu makan sama-sama kat zam-zam. Ta-u bawak camera...

"Siapa dia itu? Senyum-senyum padaku
Bertapanya Ayu, Raut wajahmu
Oh nonaku, Si baju biru
Nona si baju biru"

Yesterday i had practical 8. Alhamdulillah it went alright. some pics.

Decorations by me. I even convinced people i was previously from shatec. Padahal2

oooh international cuisine

We had tofu loaf and miso soup from japan, potato patties and red cauliflower from mexico, spicy chicken from thailand, brushettes from italy, chocolate tart and chocolate covered strawberries from France and lastly pretzels (topped with cinamon sugar or grated parmesan) from North America.

Okay, wanna go catch somemore zzz before i leave for school.
I'm such a lazy ass.

Dengar dengar kelana link aku. heheh

Amat bahagia?
Pahlawan Putih

Chin-ta...

Binatang apa itu?
Berkuasa untuk memutar bumi. Mengerak askar. Memilu insan.
Atau ia hanya satu dongengan? Suatu yang tersirat dalam cerita-cerita boneka?
Apa mungkin, apa mungkin...

Yes. Its C-I-N-T-A. Theme for Planet Dikir the Finale. The one charging $12 for tickets. Mak 'I'z. More importantly, the one i have to find an idea to.

What is cinta?
(What is love?)

Oh i just got an idea!!!
How about making up a story about a merman and a old lady fisherman who were caught in the net of love in between the islands of madura and bawean. And they cared for each other so much that every second that passed without each other's company was excruciating for the both of them as they are filled to their heads with worry. So the merman whispers to the dolphins to save the fisherlady in case something bad happens like a storm. The fisherlady worries for the merman especially when he swims to the deepest ocean. Her worries go awild as she fears for his safety from the pincer of the crab and the notorious shark.
Eh macam pernah dengar aja... heheh

Talking about oceans and seas, i went to sentosa with the bunch on national day anyways (~4 days ago). Skin still peeling of due to the absence of sunblock on the trip itself. I had fun at tanjong beach. Pictures are courtesy of dee. They're in my fotopages. Its really theraputic to do stuff you dont normally/"arent supposed" to anymore at your age, like building sandcastles. hahah. (thinking of it makes me giggle). Well thats the only thing that happened. The cord my phone was dangling from gave way and so it went into the water. For approximately 10sec i didnt know where it was(the waves were crashing especially hard at that point of time. Kuasa Allah) It was drenched and not working. Still not working

So now im left without a phone, my source of music (senang kata mp3 player), my document storage, my files. my files. Indrah's singings, ayie's singings, my singings (blueack - how to spell the vommit sound?) All the memories/memorise.

Im start to make no sense now. I think too much computer radiation

I FINALLY KNOW HOW TO PLAY MINESWEEPER!!!

haha
Pahlawan Putih

Fillz inz ze blankz
Pahlawan Putih

Project Anti-Projects

I was up till 1 doing my APFS project. Friends being friends, they decided it was best to keep me uninformed of the extended deadline. I wish i had a parang. Buat garang. Dah malam-malam. Jgn sampai perang.

Though its nice to have friends that understand the hard time im facing. Tryna cope. Tryna smile. Well its either that or they have absolutely no trust in my ability to excel.



Hehehehe i'll go with the latter.. hahahaha

Rindu, rindu~
"Di sini kisah bermula mani beradu tenaga merebut takhta
Di pinggiran muar laut merah terbelah dua
Dan tatkala itu mata Al-aswad memuntahkan cahaya
Detik bab pertama tangis sahaya menyapa cuping dunia"

Theres a picnic tmrw. Do i wanna go? i dunno. beri kan ku se cangkir, kopi halia, buat ubat si ayam buta~sjlisuli/DFhbasdnl

Gersang arus minda...
Pahlawan Putih....

Harloz

Im not sure why but i have been adding 'z's at the end of wordz (esp in sms-es). Likez whatz upz withz thatz....?

Anywayz, i just stopped playing Blooming Gardens from Miniclip.com. To think im listening to Kissed by a Rose - Seal from the old new batman movie. heh
Well its a nice song...

I dunno how to describe my mood right now. Its a cross between a few thousand emotions. Maybe its just part and parcel of being a teenager a.k.a. 'young adult'. So many feelings to be felt. So many desires not yet met. So many insecurities to hide. So many complications, so little time.
And i never fail to mention how i wish i was living a simpler life. Then again, maybe there's no such thing as a simple life....

sigh....(grining weakly)

If only life could be revolving around dikir, culture, music, script writing bengkels, techno, starbucks, art, self made lanterns, false paper windows, cousins wedding, MAG, lunches at Designer's Pad, that 8 seconds of screaming & holding back nausea as the roller coaster goes down the steep section.......


Im online waiting for anyone of my group members to come online. We have a project due tommorow and i can definately do nothing with information from any of them. Thus this is confirmation to my abhorance to group projects/assignments.

Why?
I didnt plan for this to happen?
The unintentional plea...

Headache, Stomachache, Heartache, Hardboil egg
Pahlawan Putih

Wah han hey...

Today was just another day. A day i worried away. Had resolutions which did not stay. Had fishcakes as hard as clay. Wah lan lay...

Went to my house to try out a pretzel recipe we will be doing for catering technology lab practical 8. Well it was okay. Cept i was bounded by a invisible force of lethargy.
They came out nice. Were delectible when hot.

Us tryna act sexy


Can do a commercial.


And im just about done with Catering Tech presentation. Its tommorow hor. Sian ah

Lets trackback to what i have been doing. Well for last week, most of the evenings were spent in school training for International Cultural night. Well it was an interesting experience dancing. Though i was described as kaku (stiff) esp my shoulders i had fun. I guess because i was allowed to shout my heart out while dancing. But reprecussions suck. And the make up that made my "profession-touch" make-up artist describe me as a drag. wah han hay....

Well usually after the practices, we would head to techno for a plate of fried empty calorie foods. heh. But on the 29th itself, i decided to be a bit dangerous. Went to starbucks instead. I guess i was rewarded orh. Really got to know true colours of some people. Best part was the laughing. So long never do that sia. Many times i was asking myself whether i was dreaming or not. If all goes well, we might even meet again for a Anti-drumming National Day Pot luck Picnic.
With diyana around, i dont think theres a need for fireworks to crack me up.

Then on saturday i went to SPH at Braddell. I enroled for a script writting workshop organised by Berita Harian, lead by Nadi putra (correct?). Getting myself in a whole new realm. Its interesting how different it is from writing lyrics. Its interesting how scripts give birth to stories with the aid of proper acting. An eye opener nonetheless. Just like the bunch i hung out with that day. Ili, most entertaining, most spontaneous, felt like partners in crime. Our group i guess had the best take at an out of the box storyline. Well its about a box lor.

Still so busy, Still so disconnected with school. And at times, before i venture to the land of dreams at night, i hope all the complications i am facing vanish at dawn break, just before my eyes open to greet life.

Note to self: Sleeping does not solve problems. Cept the 'lack of sleep' problem.

Now its difficult to get the song out of my head...

Hai telok belangah..lah namanya...
Pahlawan Putih

Repercussions...

..Stinks.
Got myself invovled in a couple of events which almost knocked out the Senikata harapan issue.

On th 23rd of July, MAG had our Annually General Meeting which was a bomb except that the president didnt prepare his president's speech. wah sians
it was nice to see alot of people in green, according to the tema.


Then it was international cultural night. Yes i danced.


Cynthia and me


hahaha Nas and me. Didnt think it would look that retarded


Tak tau diamz


SNT and Sri Berterabur. hehe. Nice family huh?

Guys... will link you asap k. But not now. :D

ARRGHH too much radiation....
Pahlawan Putih

Been busy. Be back after friday yeah.. hold on to you seats, or swivel chairs if applicable.

Pahlawan Putih

Sesungguhnya aku sungguh sungguh terharu...

nak nangis pun ada.



Terima kasih Lady Diana.
Insya Allah...

Permarkahan pun dah keluar. Lagi aku tak tahan... sedih benor... I want to read Abg Bobo's naskah and Rabok and Ching to the power of 3 and Sri kelewek dan senang kata semua naskah naskah nya. Kerana masih tak percaya... Oh Tuhan, tak habis habis. Still brooding over it.

In the school library right now. Sad huh? on a friday evening, still in school, got a meeting, got project works. Si beh sianz-z-z. hahah.

Had an MAG Committee meeting yesterday. Basically to settle things for PERHIMPUNAN tommorow (Our Annual General Meeting). I would say it was the funnest most unmeetingly informal meeting we had. hahaha. The tema is Hijau or Green. Yeah... all of us would be resembling leaves tommorow. '
Taking pics, definately..

Kenapa bangsa kita selalu dikaitkan dengan warna hijau?

Orang hutan agak nya..
Pahlawan Putih

Memang benar kata orang dulu-dulu...

Piala bukannya boleh dimakan.



Dont mean to blog a couple thousand posts on this senikata topic but i guess its almost life changing and a once in a lifetime experience.. The trophy's not really the thing. Is just the experience that is engraved in my semi-detached mind.

Im supposed to be doing my Co & Co. Painting's such a beeeeeeeeeeezwaxly annoying thing to do. Hisap darah.

Jangan, Jangan, jang jang, Jangan Duduk, duk duk... Jangan duduk di tepi tangga~
hahaha Starting to like that song. MKY karut's Wau bulan lengok is lain dari lain. Berry nise.

Dulu-dulu asek Pantang Larang ajer...

"Yang senang tu lah yang susah..."
Pahlawan Putih

Havent been replying to tags.... ­

and im almost late for school...


caca: irfan kuajak!!!publish photo tak minta permission!!humph!­
Hahaha... Ko ambik gambar takda permission ape...

arni: aduh aduh... lawa benor 'tatu' awak tuuu fierceeee
Fierce habis. hahaha macam k-wat ada ah hahaha

ren.: hearing this song is like walking down srgoon road during deepavali...
Itu lain... Tak peaceful at all...

bLaCkr0sE: fan.. stop it arh.. dat 'di pentas dewan suria..' nk buat tekankn R tu ckit ehh.. hehe
Dah bosan tak tau apa nak buat

KelKatu: huh? i said gersang arus minda (barren flow of thoughts)??? bila ek? DAMN!! i hate turning 25..
Lang seni ke sabitah? ya i think so... 25?? kekeke

zee: isn't that lina in one of the pics?from TP.
Yes that was lina from TP/

bLaCkr0sE: all the best fan!! aku support ko arh beb.. hehe
Terima Kaaaseh arh beb.

muso: I keep coming back to your blogspot just to listen to the music. Best listening to it and reading your description on 7/7. I want to be there too!
Let pack our bags and leave on a jet plane....dont know when we'll be back again..

pinkphreak: Tumpat was impressive for Citra!!
Thank you.

blaCkr0sE: tumpat was great. ur set is great. congrats again.
Thank you. Hope you will continue to support us. Or just me maybe hahaha

FAd: deyy. long time since i last tagged! conrats irfan!
Thanks a bunch. Dont worry, sometimes i dont even have time to visit my own blog.

KelKatu: wakakakaakakaka.. PULUAN!!! missed that one.. ehehehehe..
Haha takpe lahs. Puluan pun jadi lah.. tak cerewet.

littlekid-gd boy: Awesome lyrics! Wanna learn how to write like that!
Think out of the box. Zhat esz mi motto.

kizzie: senikata harapan?! wonderful, irfan. congrats!
Thanks you..

NuRuL^ann: haloo! heee lagu sedap di dngr ya? heee... btw nice blog.. juz dropin bye 2 say hi! heee kalau free visit ma blog ehk? tanky!
Okay.

Hakim: congrats to ur grp. congrats to u for senikata. but one tip, rima dikir tak lagi secara lisan but secara tulisan. maybe u'd like to ask ard. maybe kelkatu...
congrats on da awards. now dat ur grp has wat we call the passport, ppl will start to finally notice. congrats on senikata. but one tip, rima dikir bukan lagi secara lisan tapi cara tulisan...
Yup i have taken note. -ar -ah -a.. thanks for the concern and for the congratulatins.. (We dont look at it as a passport. Just another step forward. thats all)

ShariffSah: hi... juz dropin by to say congrats on ur winning yesterday... no question asked... u deserve it...
Words cant express my gratitude. Especial since you decided to drop by. Very honoured and flattered. Thanks a whole bunch.

budak_NP: did i ever say not to tag again? haha this time i gotta reason ok! niwayz, BAIK IRFAN!!! party hat maintain eh!!
Heh. Thanks.. Party hat tu apa ah? tak pernah ku tahu...

Hakim: how come cannot delete tag ah?
Wo pu ce tau leh..

angell: im blurred. WHAT FREAKING AWARD DID YOU WIN!! the only words i recognised in the whole entry is pahlawan putih. hehh. TRANSLATION!
Angel, dont bedek ah.. 6o% of the entry was in english.. you okay or not...

bloghopper_NP: woohoo!congrats for gettin puluan harapan n senikata harapan.kakak
KAKAK? betul tak betul ni? Thanks again btwz.



Still trying to settle in…



Every single time I lose focus and go wondering in my own realm, the topic pops ups out of no where and I begin to get myself stressed on why I was harapan-ed. No one said anything but the hatred in their eyes spoke loudly of their thoughts.

Yes, I realize I am only 17 and its just my fourth naskah. Still learning. Still making mistakes. For the record: I m still shocked myself. And if I offended anyone…my apologies. Also long as I know it was a fair judgment, im happy. :D
I think it was God’s will. Sesungguhnya Dia yang Maha Berkuasa. Dan kepadaNya juga aku berdoa agar hidung tak mencucuk langit malah tunduk mengikut resmi padi. Now I m pressurized... for my next naskah. Darn.

If only I could share the joy with someone who would care and wouldn’t think I am bragging. Luckily my members are more than elated for me. Got a few calls yesterday. Everyone seems to want to cry. Che. Sadness in jubilation....

The moment they announced, where I was frantically gasping for air, keeps playing in my head..And i get breathless everytime. Quite sad that reality keeps coming back. I have to move on. And im blogging this in hope i dont brood over it. Maybe's Cynthia's right. I do doubt myself too much.

Pinta seteguk peluang,
Dan secebis keyakinan....
Pahlawan Putih

Yes, im having trouble sleeping.

Citra was crazy. A whole array of emotions packed into a day. All coated with a tinge of anxiety.
At first it was anger when we were late. Reporting time was at 11 but we couldnt report without everyone's IC and everyone wasnt there till 1245hrs. That made me pissed, especially learning that we might get a deduction of 10 points.
Then we were sent to a holding room which we had to share with 4 other groups. At this point i felt more relieved but rushed as we thought we were late. Stressed in other words. Then we had fun waiting by making a fool out of ourselves after a few runs of the set. Hempap dapi lah, cakap pasal ehem... When we were asked to be on standby, excitement cascaded in my weak heart like water falling down Niagra falls.

Embarassment then settled in during the performance itself. Forgot this one major step. And apparently my 'ikat kepala' was making its way away from my head. Kena "Ikat kepala Maintain ah", "Party hat" lah, Padahal i didnt feel anything.
(Forgot to mention fun. I had so much while performing)

Then it was cofusion when i was changing to my 'normal' attire. Im not sure i'd like to be famous or infamous if applicable in the dikir arena. I dont need popularity. I just need satisfaction. Like the tides of change, which i cant control, i'll have to just accept what the Almighty has placed on my shoulders, even its not what i want. I would like to take the opportunity to thank everyone who expanded their vocal chords to shout "Baik President"

Then it was anxiety and awe that took center stage. 5 layar emas contenders, one layar perak contender (Harapan who won 3rd for DkuLan).
(For the record, i have always like harapan. When they first came out i knew i wanted to be in that group if i ever consider Comtemporising my style of DK. hahaha. Their weakest link would be their karut.)

Suprised to see Yan as Juara for Andika. Finally i appreciate his nice vocals. Maybe cos i havent heard him do something like that before. Baik Yan.
Was quite dissapointed and sympathetic regarding Wan Zali. Was looking forward to hear him sing.
Keris was in a quite good shape. Liked the harmonising bits. Kudos to their juara.

Fatigue took over the room when the event was paused for a break of 40mins which actually was stretched longer. Then the results...

"Untuk Paluan Harapan.... jatuh kepada kawan bawa blok saya....
tak lah... ....TUMPAT!"
WTH!!!!!
Salute Amin, Bopeng, Fairuz and Alien.

Then.. was the most w-t-h part

"Senikata Harapan Jatuk kepada.... Pahlawan Putih! .. TUMPAT!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Ibarat ikan di daratan. I was gasping for air, grabbing the someone's shoulder. The best part was seeing my members get so excited for me. I wish i had that in a picture. In disbelief i went up the stage to claim a trophy which i still do not believe i deserve. So there we were, Amin and I on the stage. Novices who were still shocked to the bone.

But as you know, it didnt end there. We clinched 2nd prize for Layar Perak. That was just ultimately awesome lah.

I lup Layar Citra. I lup KP. I Lup TUMPAT!

Notice that its Puluan Harapan and Not Paluan? hahah
Notice that its Senikata Harapan? Abeh Penulis senikatanya takda harapan lah tuh. heh heh

Here's a few reason why Citra was the bomb,
-They had cushioned chairs for the audience. My butt sends its regards to the organisers.
-Categories for differnt types Dikir teams, novices, experienced ones and ladies.
-There were stalls that were selling drinks and lite snacks.
-The lights were off and the stage looks grander.
-They werent very pelokek with the pialas or prize money.
-Had a harapan title for most of the categories.
-They announced the Title of the Lyrics before each performance. (It makes more sense. Announcing Juara and Karut's name doesnt help understand the set right?)
-Basically well planned. Worth the $65 fee and $10 ticket.

Asking about my naskah? hahah Took 3 days after initial deadline, and during term test period, to write up this piece. After completion, and reading it a few times, i realised it was my best set yet. But i knew i was still fresh and new to this art and i knew there were much better lyricist that would overshadow my piece. I had no expectations what-so-ever....

Juara

Si Burung Pingai mengiring langkah pertama
Bertapak insan di ambang bab yang segar
Tidak lagi digari, kian dipergarah
Ingin larikan diri dari bayangannya

Sudah insaf dikandung tembuni penjara
Hidup kembali bak dilahirkan semula
Tidak lagi derhaka, kian dahaga
Bertatihlah insan, maju menyambung kisah

Mimpi rajuk menghilang diganggu siang
Dalam terang ia diekor bayang-bayang
Tidak lagi terkurung, kian terkurang
Enggan memara, muka comot berarang

Yengki

Jatuh hukuman, berat dijunjung
Insan tersungkur mencium tanah
Rebah nama, malu didukung
Terkenang masa tangga menimpa

Walau terang sinar harapan
Ditiup lesap suluh kebebasan
“Biar aku dalam kegelapan
Asal tidak nampak bayangan”

Kelantan

Sedang tatah, mengorak langkah
Diekor rapat kisah lama
Sorok bakat kerana nista
Takut diri dipandang hina

Kini sejarah menjadi bayang
Membuntut sepanjang jalan
Pinta seteguk peluang
Dan secebis keyakinan

Pattani

Eh...Itu dulu..

Yelah aku tahu
“Tak dengar kata ibu.....”
Dulu suka main baju, tubuh bertatu
Hah...Pukul orang dengan kayu
Tetapi sepandai pandainya aku melompat,
Akhirnya aku jatuh...aduh...
Laa... kena tangkap dengan mereka yang seragam biru

Kini dah lepas pun hukumanku
Ingin mula hidup yang baru
Namun aku masih ragu-ragu
Kerna orang melihat bayangan dahulu
Lepas itu baru aku...

Aku malu, segan dan pilu
Aku merayu kepadamu!
Aku pun nak maju
Ambillah yang jernih, buang saja yang keruh

Matang

Sudah lah nasib, suratan diri
Buruk dan baik kini telah terjadi

Hanya hamparan dibentang rapi
Buat imbasan, memenuh intipati

Hanya cubaan, jangan diulangi
Tak usah malu, tegak terus berdiri

Penutup

Ala burung, Si Burung Pingai
Hinggap di jiwa, mencetus ikhtiar

Ingin benar kami sampaikan sorak-sorai
Pada yang berani dan tidak mengaku kalah

Karya Pena Pahlawan Putih
Lagu Ciptaan Asli Tumpat

It meant so much bro. Thanks for the squeeze. Thanks for your guidance. Heh. Cukup tinggi untuk di sanjung.

Mengikut Resmi Padi,
Pahlawan Putih

Di pentas dewan suria...

That tune is stuck to my bloody head.. At first i thought nothing of it cos the tune is quite catchy. But now, it just escapes from my lips everytime. Im gonna listen to the continuation to that line before i go mad.

Talk about songs, lets move on to the Black Eyed Peas. The songs are definately catchy. So catchy that i had the urge to listen to more of their songs. And as i explored into the realm of animal inspired ablum titles, i cant help but think they have a tendency to use other singer's trademark tunes/melody. Alicia Keys, Michael Jackson and many more if you listen intently. Dont get me wrong, they are good but it seems they're merely doing remixes of other people's work and so they dont really have and identity.
Dont Phunk with My Heart... Is a catchy song with the Tabla works. Howeber, the music video was quite dissapointing. Almost as if it didnt match the song. In dikir terms, Ragam tak selari/selaras/setanding/cocok/kena dengan lagu. Oh well..


Progress has been slow. But progress is still progress rite?
Slowly starting my Co & Co.
Here's what i have been doing instead of Co & Co...

All with leftover paint.


Interestingly, you get green when you mix yellow with black


Just yesterday. Inspired by someone who did DGfly for O level art. heh


Indian fever again


The walls were not spared. In Jawi: Pahlawan Putih


From one of Kelkatu's piece. In Jawi also: Gersang arus minda. =>I was bored


And they all look ugly. A reflection of the painter. heh.
To think i dint post what i was doing..

Watched CSI, Alias and Boston Public yesterday while doing Co & Co.
Boston Public was insightful. About t/e/r/r/o/r/i/s/m and its different forms after 9/1/1. Racial Profiling...

"They feed on your tears. Dont let them see you cry.."


I is cant be waiting for school to end. I hate school and i know i would hate work even more. Thus im emptily complaining. Meaning complain just to complain. I understand there are people worst of then me. hmmmm.....

Catatan Irfan Kasban,
Pahlawan Putih

Fun

From saturday onwards i had an abundant supply of that.
maybe the break lasts for only those short moments.

Sunday was way cool as it was almost like an excursion for the 5 of us (6 after cynthia joined us). Feeling more and more like an extended family. heh

Yesterday was fun cos i slept 3 times before training. The other type of training. My feet aching like somebody's business. Weirdly enough, not my leg. only feet.

But today sure will be different. I would have to start on my work and projects. Therefore i am blogging as muchos and possible till i shut myself of for a while. heh.

Oh and now i have a new girlfriend. hahahahah. Her name is Cynthia. She's my SDO. I'm sporting for a "fake" relationship anytime. But i have been thinking and it really has got me nowhere. With this new busy-ness i dont thinki have time for a real relationship. Oh well, get married late then.. heh

Thanks for the msg shifu. Your feedback is greatly appreciated... But now i am lost in translation....



Ana sobir..
Pahlawan Putih

At last!

-Free from the cluctches of term test....

-Pictures from Arts Induction camp.

Dont mind the ikat kepala. heh, Tgh tak bawak gel rambut..

Membina titian, untuk mengecap kejayaan. MAG and Choir


1..2..Left! 1..2..right! Right!... RIGHT!!!


MAG, lead by the Retarded.


Close up.


We the citizens of Singapore~!


Arts family.


The weirdest pic of me... scary nonetheless


Fun times ah.

Nostalgic....
Pahlawan Putih

Spankly new... pt II

I couldnt help it. If photoshop was a person, i would kiss him/her. That sounded weird. But i think photoshop would be a woman, considering countries are refered to as her. wait... where am i going with this?

Very feminine template huh?
thats why theres a curved sword over there <-- hahaha
Maybe i'll change it, and sell this one. Any takers? (will modify to your likings.)

The song is also quite feminine. (But Lata is like my Mangeshkar... hah tat didnt make sense.)
This is the type of song that takes you to the long forgotten forbidden love era, during the time Palaces sheltered their kings and their daughters only allowed to view the world through windows.
This song makes me feel like im on a boat, sampan-like, gently paddling myself around one of the Water Palaces (Palaces built on lakes) enjoying the late afternoon breeze, watching the sun turn amber and cranes flying back to their nests.... Ahh.. how i would like to do that...

Indian Fever..
Maybe its cos of Kakak Leen's wedding.

It sucks when every look forwardable event is always near exams or something. No different from dikir competitions.

Better go take a nap before i start on FI.

Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein Khayal
Pahlawan Putih

Spankingly new...

Tumpat

3hours of spoiling my eyesight.. Lets hope no more breakdowns of webhoster..

Salam...
Pahlawan Putih.

2 more deaths...

As i walked aimless home(contradicting) and meandered my way across tampines mall, i saw an opportunity of a life time. Okay maybe not. The Isqueeze station, all located around TM, near Giordano was available. So i thought why not. heh



Now i know, i dont mind going there everyday after school.
Photo courtesy of K700I.

That leads me to my next two topics.

While uploading that pic, i saw this one...



hahah Dikir's rendition Mickey Mouse. Combo of canang, maracass, tambourine cymbals and a lighter. kecioh... esp the fact that i choose to use the word rendition.. haha

Next up, my duniawi desires....

The BETTER cousin of K700i. Bloody.. maybe i should have listened to my mom when she said to wait for better phone... Dont you hate it when your parents are right.. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah kurang hajar nyer celaka nyer anak....

Still cant tag.. darn it.. MSN not working... Darn it... Hari ni masak macaroni soup.. DARN IT!!!!

Gi Jahanam...
Pohloewon Pooteh

Inilah akibatnya...

...bila orang ambik gambar bonggok pakai orang lain nyer camera. Terkejut jap aku jumpa dalam handphone.. Tapi takpe, kelakar jugak...Muahaha




Cam badut seh... hahaha

Anyway.. The test just now was a thriller killer rollercoaster rooster booster boonganzilous test. As they say in cantonese: Can Die ah...

Can you die 5 times in a week?

4 more life-flashing-before-my-eyes experience.
Pahlawan Putih

haventstudieeeeeeee

going off to study now i guess. Wish me all the luck.
Looking at the sky, i dont think it would be a dry day today...

For the love of sanitation, i cant even tag on my own tag board... kepala hangok.

in a rush...
phalawana ptuih.

Tarian Seudati dan Ratoh.

Yesterday i went for a bengkel tari (dance workshop), organised by Sri Wana, although i knew i was getting myself into trouble. Academic type of trouble. I have 5 tests in total throughout this week. Im gonna die... It was like jumping into a whole new worl thing. And also a number of participants from Temasek poly backed out. So as president i had to do my obligations.

Anyway back to the bengkel. Parts of it were draggy. Could've ended at ard 3 instead of 5. Needed more practicles as most of it were just listening to ceramah (though insightful).
The highlight would be learing the Acehnese dance, Tarian Seudati dan Ratoh, led by Mas Tom Ibnur. It was really fun as it had resemblance to Dikir Barat. Most of the dance were played seated. Some steps PST pun pernah pakai. The songs (syair) we sing to acompany the dance get faster with each chorus. Suka...

Laho Tujan Landing La Umbala
Landing La Umbala Eu Hala

To think this syairs bear no particular meaning in Acehnese. Its just jargon sung beautifooli.

Anyway my efforts to become more fexible in seni and touching basic aspects of its different forms is being rewarded more than i expected. Trying not to be ~wan segala ~wan at the same time btw. From other people's ears, i hear intriguing things. Like Mas Tom asking the organizer where im from. Organizer then ask Fana where im from. Then "ada potential" terkeluar. Priorites set, dikir barat first, then studies. hahahah boleh eh gitu.. hahah In relation to seni.. Dk comes first.

Back to Lyrics or Notes... Haiyah...

Deadline Tuesday.
Dead Mondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfriday...
Pahlawan Putih

Wahlau

Still busy as ever.
Still testing everyone’s patience.
Still not satisfied.
Still haven’t studied for my term test.
Still trying…….

I received some interesting feedback on how I dikir.
“Muka maintain ah” “Senyum sikit” etc.
Let me explain... I do smile and its at the first few moments of the set. After that I usually put on a frown cos its quite stressful to keep your breath in place and sing/shout while trying to memorise the lyrics etc. Memang susah… asik nak kena be alert.

I think I smile a lot, but I don’t understand why I subconsciously choose not to smile at times when it’s most important to smile.

Pancetation.
The process of feeling intense fatigue and temporary loss of all will to live. Eg. Dikir Marathon…. Pentas, Enrichment at Nanyang Girls, Khatulistiwa, CCA recruitment, DkuLan saringan and Finals….Heh.

IF only you could make a living of seni. Let me rephrase that… IF only you could make a stable source of living, while not be looked down upon, from seni.
Anw I wont be playing for Citra because of me. I couldn’t finish the lyrics in time and anyway we haven’t confirmed a song for the set and we’re all going through pancetation I guess.

So many things to do..... I know im just asking for trouble by agreeing to it. Kenapa lah….

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


Forgive the random outburst(s).

Walau beban kian sudah tidak dijingjing, masih ku rasa beratnya…

Nadia sms-ed me “Hey…fan! I heard that you’re hot stuff amongst the girls..Wow…boleh tahan…”
I couldn’t help but be curious. She refused to tell me her sources. But now that I know, I must pick carefully, I can only marry up till 4 at once… hahahah ignore that..

There’s this reality show called Catatan Ari Wibowo – Mencari Pembantu yang Terbaik. Its somewhat like the Idol series but this show is about a well recognized actor looking for the best maid. He will pay like 10 thousand a month to the winner to be his maid. The best thing about this show is that human emotions are captured very well. Indonesia being a poverty stricken country, the people there tend to be more appreciative of the little things. The tend to also get their priorities right. There was this woman who maid I mean made it to the quarter-finals and she was truly and inspiration. Donning a tudung, she said this, when asked about what she were to do with the 10 thousand, “I would want to build a mosque and a church in my village. I want my neighbours to not live in fear anymore and I just want us to live peacefully. I know there is know wrong religion and we should respect each other’s belief thus I would want to build a mosque and a church for my village.” She then wiped, in vain, the tears that were flowing from her reddened eyes.
Better than those lame love-based drama serials…

Wah suddenly i talk about something unrelated..
Lets do it again..

I miss this bugger.. dah lama tak jumpa..


And for my routine buat malukan-walau-dah-tak-malu pic.

We were at the class gathering at pizza hut. Wah.. $10 for baked cheese. so cheesy..

I think that’s it for now. I wanna go off to lala land.
Pahlawan Putih…

Ia suatu tanda...

When you know something is too much. When its what you worry about. When you don’t blame anyone if it screws up.
I had no expectations. I believed you. I had no regrets.

“Calon-calon untuk awok awok terbaik….........Tumpat….”
My godemeress…. I was all what the fulltertonicness is happening. Yes although it was just pencalonan but it was like a pleasant surprise. I stared at Ardi. He stared back. Pukymac. (Creating modified curses) So bloody unexpected. Im being unnecessarily vulgar. But it was really a wtf/wth moment. We all are so gonna get nightmares – that particular moment repeating itself like a mobius strip. We thought our Juara would be our golden ticket, but that didn’t happened and it was so fishyfied that we got nominated.



Alhamdulillah.

Anyway im upset with Indrah about him being upset by not being in the picture and sending us msgs like "Sorry aku let you guys down again". He was really under pressure lah. The song, the lengoks, the guestbook entries at Dikirbarat.com(kalau lah dia tak baca tu semua), the girlfriend, the future mother-in-law in the audience..... hahah

Ku rasa ia satu petanda. Ku rasa ia sudah ditakdirkan.

Special shout outs:
Panjy: Mamat was superb. A little more time and you’d be one of the best. Ayie was marvelous. If only he played during saringan.
Part of audience were being inconsiderate when Ayie was singing. I wonder how old they were. Korang really deserved 2nd place.

Andika: My Quarter Master was bloody entertaining. Your Karut deserves a mention. And lyrics, genius. Amacam tidak?

Last but not least: Ulan. Looking forward to Dkulan 2006.

Sometimes when you’re too perfect, its not perfectly entertaining anymore. So your win is just an empty one. Bleah.
Aku ye-ye je, macam lah orang baca blog aku.

Thanks kepada semua yang jerit “Baik President” Buat malu jer.

Well, now for Citra. “Dulu-dulu….”

I need to confirm its relevance.
Pahlawan Putih

We are the shadows we cast.

And we cant cast them aside.

kekek =D

Let me apologise to those who have hoped this blog was updated more frequently especially in the past week. Thanks for the 90-60 visits a day. Honoured to be getting that kind of response although i dont update.
Yes i have been busy. Yes i know, whats new. Does not help that im abit scatterbrain. I keep forgeting this and that. Im still trying to cope.



My bill this month was $70++!! Mak ai. Pengsanious. Thus i quickly transformed to the whiny brat i am, and forced my mom to tag with me to singtel to go change my plan. I got the Civil Servant i-one plus thanks to mom. So fun. You can start calling my non-stop after Tuesday.

From DikirBarat.com

------------------------------------------

Wednesday 06/22/2005 9:00:42pm
Nama: roxy gerl
Kumpulan Dikir : penonton DK Spura aje

Komen Anda: Kepada kumpulan2 yg akan bertanding pada Ahad ini di DikirUlan , All The Best & Good Luck !!!!!!

Kpd " TUMPAT "....Congrats on entering the finals... Special Good Luck to you guys........Tok Juara of TUMPAT , good vocals ,keep up the good job........
------------------------------------------

Tuesday 06/21/2005 4:30:56am
Nama: jimi asmara
Kumpulan Dikir : hanya peminat

Komen Anda: kepada finalist dkulan..saya mengucapkan tahniah..terutama sekali kepada kumpulan tumpat..berasa gembira g2 bila dorg masok final.. concept mcm da laen g2. tak mcm dulu.. keep it up guys..jgn sekali sekale hidong tinggi.. hope korg motivate wif each other.. Insyallah, korg will make it.. hope to see the best from Tumpat on final nnti..tats oso goes to all the finalist dkulan..

jimi asmara
------------------------------------------

To all who have wished me all the best for DkuLan tommorow, i must thank thee. I'll try my best to put up a good fight. Make your ten dollars sacrifice, worth every cent. So funny how Indrah asked me for a favour just now after practice. "Tolong sembahyang hajat untuk aku..."

There is a silver lining



I better go shut my eyes or i wont be able to wake up.
Though i have more to blog about. i guess that can wait.

Dulu boleh...
Pahlawan Putih

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (50%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary. Altruism (66%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (37%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, random, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Emotional Stability (39%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Inquisitiveness (46%) medium which suggests you are moderately intellectual, curious, and imaginative.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Feeling extremely lonely. As if i have nothing but my reflection to converse with.

Maybe its time for a fresh new start.

Menanti Mercup Mekar,
Pahlawan Putih

"Be confident..."

It means a lot. Thank you.

If I decide to forgo with another upcoming event, im not sure my sanity will still be with me. Nevertheless I will try my best.

To hear that we are peaking is quite a surprise. I don't think there was ever much of a difference from the previous comp. And the squad gets smaller and smaller by each passing "loss". I wonder what's happening. I wonder why we are starting to get noticed. I still wonder why the guys didn't get into semis for MP. I wonder...

Yesterday was fun. Prior to the completion of the lyrics, I headed to school for the Nadi+Tperdayu+Sohib orientation. Jas was there and she was a good sport. And lups u for getting for me my pens. It ended in floury/doughy madness.
Then I met Peng at the mrt station to pass him the 6 copies of you know what for you know what. We had an Outdoor training at Marina Bay but I was too pancet to even walk anymore. So I went home and slept.
Man it was nice. Slept like a baby.
Afterwards I bathed and made my way to Kallang Theater for Gentarasa. Tickets complimentary of Amin. :D But i still intend to pay him back, somehow. It was okay. Abit mainstreamish. Predictable. But lighting and live music was really good.
Then headed home. Then did a small section of FI report then i slept. (so then-y)
Then the End for 18th of july.

Work is easier to complete when your mom decides to spend the weekend in KL. I now have much access to the comp and my mom's gahment property laptop. You know, i wish i was in KL but im not complaining im in Sg cos of all the deadlines i have to meet. And its stupid that my elder brother wanted to go but he was too lazy to even go and pack his stuff. I wouldnt want to miss out on a chance to go KL, with mother summore. With mother it comes close to an all expenses paid trip. Wait, it actually is... hahahah kurang ajar.

Today i am attending a wedding. An alumni is getting married. Then its back home to complete my FI report. And study for some test.

Talk about weddings, Kakak leen is getting married real soon. Finally a close relative, who we are close to, 's wedding. Looking forward to the chaos and all. And the concept for the unorthodox wedding excites me.

thats all for now.
Pahlawan Putih

Madness

When school drives you mad, you just gotta embrace it. Go madder.


Mad

Madder

Maddest

Pull your friends in too.

This week has been ba-na-na-ana-analy hectically crazy. Talk about cliche. But seriously, i cant take it. And one after another, selfish individuals (aka Bitch/bastard) irritate you like a thousand ulat bulus on your skin. There was Mr 10th-century-type/2-sizes-to-big-shirt-wearing-gundu.

AKA Mr Beng. I've always hated 40-50yr male teachers probably in mid-life crisis who seem to always side girls or in other words be miangly unfair. (I had Mr Loh (ba loh bah... yeah) during primary sch and Mr kassim during sec). I only have an attitude when i am force to do redundant things while have a major poundalicious headache. I wonder whats in that partially bald head of yours. The girls dont have to change, they can sit and be spectators. "GO run a round" Okay i did. "Go run another round" did that too. "Dont just sit there and be lazy, go do some exercise"...
as if running back and forth from Asc to SAA, dikir barating since who noes when without breaks, cycling to school, climbing 10 flight of stairs cos the stupid lift was stuck at the 10th floor isnt already enough excercise. The irony of being called a Care Person. Why waste my time?

Meetings, meetings, meetings.
im getting used to them and how to turn unproductivity the other way round. It's and advantage to have a loud, lantang voice. heh

Now more and more people call me at the wrong times. Esp those Saudara types that want to Bekerjasama with MAG. Its time i get a free incoming line...

Lyrics... not going so well.. I really cant concentrate cos of the other deadlines.. I think i need help. But kemuning has left the force already. so only myself to depend on.

Stupid Phua Chu Kang... What were they thinking. I guess after agreeing to the Casino / IRs thinking is something sinjapore does not do any more. Anyway.. i dont watch that much tv anymore.. only pgl. heh.
Definately still attached to Under One Roof.

About tags, sorry i dont reply to them much.. i try to. :D

Just crossed my mind. Co&Co another idiot. I guess now its broaden to middle age bitter ol men and women.

here's a continuation of the previous post.

Bulu roma (Hair at the back of ur neck)
I know a few people who deserve standing ovation from my bulu roma. I'll go according to familliarity.

Wan Zali @ STT (though he forgot his lyrics, the arab inspired song was waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy too much(in a good way))

Harapan's Juara. Nice unique voice too. Maybe boring after heard a few times, nonetheless the chills dont stop flowing..

Ayie @ PST/Panjy. The uniqueness, the control, the penghayatan. Especially the uniqueness. Way too much(still in a good way).

Last but not least, Indrah @ Tumpat @ DKulan. It was just heavenly. He was the goleden ticket. If only i could hug him tight and it wouldnt be awkwardly unacceptable in society, i would. He suprised most of us. and i always feel like bashing him in healthy envy.. hahaha

to me, what makes it or break it is penghayatan. If you dont have it, ur just a bunch of fancy lengoks.

oh.. never gave a sypnosis on this template. The ring in the picture is a gift from Cik tipah. Liked it alot and so it happens to not fit abang farzeel. So cik tipah gave it to me. It is the closest an inanimate object has come to represent me. Gila...

Ku menyerah kalah, sebelum bertapak langkah....
Pahlawan Putih

Wednesday 06/08/2005 0:13:00am
Nama: SiTi AmiNah
Kumpulan Dikir : dah retire...
Location: Singapura
Komen Anda: Kepada kumpulan2 yang berjaya ke peringkat finals DikirUlan'05 , saya ucapkan " SYABAS " ... Buatlah yang terbaik untuk finals ... terutama sekali kepada kumpulan , " Tumpat " ...All the best.. Tok Juara , fight for Juara terbaik...Bring out all you've got....

Iklas........
Penonton & Peminat DK S'pura

Im touched.. Ada jugak peminat....

Tonight, i will attempt to finish a part of the big responsibility that was given to me. Yes i know that was bad english but i really cant blog much.. i got that thing remember.. how..

Neglecting this blog (boohoo)
Pahlawan Putih

Battling my darkside


heh. an old pic.

The Arts induction camp was okay. I had fun. Made friends. But it was conducted at the worst possible time. Two test tomorrow. and i just woke up from the aftercamp nap.

Gonna eat my changi mee goreng while compling my own set of notes. Turn on my workaholic mode with the help of Nelly furtado. Only be concerned with catering technology and food ingredients.

Selamatz
Pahlawan Putih

In Stay-out-of-my-face mood

Early in the morning, i wake up hoping this day would flow through smoothly like water to a river. Little did i know rocks and boulders became apart of that path.

Early in the morning, i try to bring my notes to school but apparently i'd have to play hide and seek first. Thats cos my lovely mother decided to go against her son's will and clean up her room (according to her its her house so its her room). What was clean to her was messy for her child. My notes were everywhere! cept they were all part of a neat stack, gingerly hugged by recycled copy paper boxes resting on their sides. I do not know how to address this matter to dear mother and be unkurang ajar at the same time.

Early in the morning, i want to bathe after all that hallabaloo but the toilet is already occupied.

How i wish the holiday would end or that my family went for a holiday. To send emails is like to book a date with an MP or something. Actually them starting school again would be a joyous event by itself already.

How i wish reports didnt have to be typed (with 1.5 line spacing and blah blah blah) or that i had a type writer cos apparently a, and i repeat, A computer does not suffice for a large family of 8. And the thing is, even if i know my report is more important than dowloading animated pictures of penguins and what nots i still let them be cos they deserve to play (my dad included). But it sucks lah.

If i had an axe, my bed would be resting on 8 sides and splinters would fill the room like snow to a snowman. What nonsense am i talking.

I hate the time table for fridays. No even allowed to go for prayers.
I think i'll take a MC after my presentation.

Im not used to a large workload. Reports, projects, lyrics, president stuff, other shit. all i do is worry, worry, worry , woory, woryy. wory. wwerry werry/....................s'nhsg'nsdfnf

ARGH
Pahlawan Putih

AA22



Busy as a bee
Pahlawan Putih

Second to a blog?

It has come to my attention that a growing number of people visit this site. Especially people i have never met and is/are intending to meet me. And sooner or later, this shawdy termite infested blog becomes a topic of conversation.
Apa aku buat dan tak buat jadi petanda sifatku. Berat sebelah lah. hehe



Things on my mind.
1) Projects and assignments.
2) Kunci (Tema untuk Dkulan Finals)
3) DkuLan finals
4) Arts Induction Camp
5) How the heck we got into the finals (only 18 pple summore)
6) How the heck are we supposed to act.
7) How the heck am i gonna write about something still nonexistent in my mind..

DkuLan finals: 26th Jun 2005.
Sembawang cc.
Tickets $10 (get them from me.)

I hate it when my school work is my first priority but its summed up as a whole. Dikir is definately a distration for me now.

Focus... Concentrate....
Pahlawan Putih