Life becomes a dream
They say you'll receive a sign 40 days before your death
If its true i think i have 38 days left.
Not trying to scare or anything but its just really unexplainable. There's just so much in my mind now. I actually thought long and hard just now after my paper. I unintentionally digged up old memories. I found a few CDs. Songs usually have a memory attached to them which sometimes makes you flashback on the period of time you were constantly listening to it. But anyway i continued digging. I found shards of blood stained glass. I found knifes that stanked of betrayal and decit.
I went soul searching.
I checked my priorities.
I couldnt take it and so i bathed and left the house. I headed to the one place i could find peace, the mosque. i took my abolutions. I went into the prayer hall. I prayed for god's forgiveness. I prayed for light. I prayed for peace. i prayed for warmth.
I have not been a good person. nor a good muslim. nor a good son. nor a good brother. nor a good friend.
Opened the quran. Something i havent done for quite a while. I have always been slow at reading its verses no matter how much tutoring i got. Prefered to memorise. I however whispered the verses under my breath ashamed that i couldnt read the quran fluently. I was most ashamed i momentarily forgot the verse to end the act of reading a quran though it was just Sadakallah hul azim.
Told myself i need to get my priorities straighten out. Told myself i m not gonna die bearing grudges, hatred and other evils. From now on its working to a clean slate. Life is pointless if you keep thorns. Keep the blooms instead.
Thats out of my system.
Just the other day i accidentally met Abdillah by accident(hahaha). Anyway, things seem okay for him, currently looking for a full time job. Not gonna be actively involved in Dikir anymore he says. I seem to get nostalgic more these days. I was thinking of the time i first joined tumpat. He was like the big brother of East side guys even though he pretty much was physically small. haha. Bila takda duit, dia blanjakan makan kat Haig road. Man... What a waste to quit. Anyway many have left the scene of crime. Wish it was back to those times..
The BNF paper was okay to me. But hey, then again i have a knack at doing badly at papers i thought were manageble. Now you know why im afraid of overconfidence?
Browsing throught the cobwebbed(bedek sia) cds, i found a song i stopped listening to. You know how songs usually have a memory attached to them? Well this song reminded me of my sec 4 days two years back. No matter what, a song is nice if its nice. Imran - Safety -- the mood it brings is a good description of how i feel now.
Love is a many hurtful thing
with all the scandalous hoes, who knows
then if you want to survive
with the way you live your life
you're doomed
I pray for your safety
and then maybe we'll go on with our lives
If you had it in you
that you will soon be uncovered
by the other guys, all in their disguise
and make you realise
that If its good,
its my word.
Why you hurting for?
I simply showed concern
to see how long you could burn
you need a lil time
to make things right
work the fears
and hopes outside
when you're looking at it
eye to eye
I cannot simply let go
of the pact that we hold
for the life once you loved
but when you came into my life
so in love
now its all haunting me
surely you'll find what you've been waiting for
i cannot help if i dont know
maybe in your eyes
you see in my heart
all lies?
if you take another chance that I make
and rely on feelings that you fake
i did not know it will go wrong
jaded minds consuming you
i cannot take another breath, not knowing it is true
i'm not strong enough to fight you
i cannot be the one who's trying to do it
but if im not who knew you could do it
so if you did it, next time do it right.
Tak sabar:-O
Event: Pentas TP
Date: 29th April 2005
Time: To be confirmed
Venue: TP Audi 1
Event: Piala Khatulistiwa
Date: 28th May 2005
Time: To be confirmed
Venue: Ngee Ann Poly
Im contented with what i have. This is all i need. I'm might even forget about getting a new phone.
I havent been post much pictures as basically the camera's not with me anymore. sigh. i miss clicking.
Im hoping for the best. Now im not crazy crazy. I might be crazy but not crazy hallucinationg gila pagaal siow crazy. Im just not well i guess. But not medically. Spiritually maybe.
Im confusing myself. this post so many 'I's.
Pahlawan Put I h
They say you'll receive a sign 40 days before your death
If its true i think i have 38 days left.
Not trying to scare or anything but its just really unexplainable. There's just so much in my mind now. I actually thought long and hard just now after my paper. I unintentionally digged up old memories. I found a few CDs. Songs usually have a memory attached to them which sometimes makes you flashback on the period of time you were constantly listening to it. But anyway i continued digging. I found shards of blood stained glass. I found knifes that stanked of betrayal and decit.
I went soul searching.
I checked my priorities.
I couldnt take it and so i bathed and left the house. I headed to the one place i could find peace, the mosque. i took my abolutions. I went into the prayer hall. I prayed for god's forgiveness. I prayed for light. I prayed for peace. i prayed for warmth.
I have not been a good person. nor a good muslim. nor a good son. nor a good brother. nor a good friend.
Opened the quran. Something i havent done for quite a while. I have always been slow at reading its verses no matter how much tutoring i got. Prefered to memorise. I however whispered the verses under my breath ashamed that i couldnt read the quran fluently. I was most ashamed i momentarily forgot the verse to end the act of reading a quran though it was just Sadakallah hul azim.
Told myself i need to get my priorities straighten out. Told myself i m not gonna die bearing grudges, hatred and other evils. From now on its working to a clean slate. Life is pointless if you keep thorns. Keep the blooms instead.
Thats out of my system.
Just the other day i accidentally met Abdillah by accident(hahaha). Anyway, things seem okay for him, currently looking for a full time job. Not gonna be actively involved in Dikir anymore he says. I seem to get nostalgic more these days. I was thinking of the time i first joined tumpat. He was like the big brother of East side guys even though he pretty much was physically small. haha. Bila takda duit, dia blanjakan makan kat Haig road. Man... What a waste to quit. Anyway many have left the scene of crime. Wish it was back to those times..
The BNF paper was okay to me. But hey, then again i have a knack at doing badly at papers i thought were manageble. Now you know why im afraid of overconfidence?
Browsing throught the cobwebbed(bedek sia) cds, i found a song i stopped listening to. You know how songs usually have a memory attached to them? Well this song reminded me of my sec 4 days two years back. No matter what, a song is nice if its nice. Imran - Safety -- the mood it brings is a good description of how i feel now.
Love is a many hurtful thing
with all the scandalous hoes, who knows
then if you want to survive
with the way you live your life
you're doomed
I pray for your safety
and then maybe we'll go on with our lives
If you had it in you
that you will soon be uncovered
by the other guys, all in their disguise
and make you realise
that If its good,
its my word.
Why you hurting for?
I simply showed concern
to see how long you could burn
you need a lil time
to make things right
work the fears
and hopes outside
when you're looking at it
eye to eye
I cannot simply let go
of the pact that we hold
for the life once you loved
but when you came into my life
so in love
now its all haunting me
surely you'll find what you've been waiting for
i cannot help if i dont know
maybe in your eyes
you see in my heart
all lies?
if you take another chance that I make
and rely on feelings that you fake
i did not know it will go wrong
jaded minds consuming you
i cannot take another breath, not knowing it is true
i'm not strong enough to fight you
i cannot be the one who's trying to do it
but if im not who knew you could do it
so if you did it, next time do it right.
Tak sabar:-O
Event: Pentas TP
Date: 29th April 2005
Time: To be confirmed
Venue: TP Audi 1
Event: Piala Khatulistiwa
Date: 28th May 2005
Time: To be confirmed
Venue: Ngee Ann Poly
Im contented with what i have. This is all i need. I'm might even forget about getting a new phone.
I havent been post much pictures as basically the camera's not with me anymore. sigh. i miss clicking.
Im hoping for the best. Now im not crazy crazy. I might be crazy but not crazy hallucinationg gila pagaal siow crazy. Im just not well i guess. But not medically. Spiritually maybe.
Im confusing myself. this post so many 'I's.
Pahlawan Put I h
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